what does it mean when your puppy has soft poop?

Bahahaha, the title is what my computer prompted when I typed in a "w." I don't even remember now what my real title was going to be, but whatever...that one is staying. Of all things to stay in its memory. I was concerned about Booger and her soft stool, apparently. But, no worries...everything was ok. Oh, and I went to visit Booger last Friday at the shelter. She had just gotten spayed, so she was looking a little out of it. Also, she peed on me. But that was because she was so excited to see me and missed me a lot. Anyways, she got put up for adoption this weekend so fingers crossed she went to a good, loving home. One that knows what it means when their puppy has soft poop.

Moving on. Oh man, shit is going DOWN at the pee farm these days! For real, things are getting serious up in this piece. First up, we have shady man. So this mom brings in her kid for a DNA test like, 6 months ago. The "alleged father" never shows. Kid retakes the test 3 months later...AF doesn't show. He FINALLY comes and the test comes back negative. Upset mom comes in...turns out, the REAL AF sent in a decoy! He sent someone else to take the test for him! How crazy is that?! Then, he comes back wanting test results! Uh, no sir! What a sleaze ball! Not sure what's going to happen with that, but people are seriously crazy. And I'm pretty positive that is not legal behavior, so who knows what is going to happen to him. So, for another crazy...woman comes because her work wants her to get tested. She has been acting all wonky (isn't that a great word?!) and they think she's on drugs. She comes in, offers the boss a BRIBE to make the test come out negative! So, obviously bitch is doing something illegal. She says she can give him more money than he can imagine! HAHAHA! For real? You have that much money? Then why do you have a job? Retire and go live in the Bahamas if you have access to that much money! Crazy ASS! So, obviously he does not accept the bribe and apparently the lady (she was a nurse) quits her job and then was demanding that we not send her former employer the results. That's not happening. But here is the best part...crazy bitch came back negative anyways! Bet she feels stupid. Oh, and she brought her mom in with her to try and execute the bribe. I love it. My mom would have slapped my ass to the floor SO fast if I did shit like that. Seriously. Like lightning.

Other exciting news. I sent in a cake wreck and here I am: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/11/fall-fumbles.html
Jacquelyn G....that's me! I found it when I was visiting Jean at the local Food Lion. I know, good stuff right. So I'm pretty much famous. You all can say you knew me back before I got all big and hotshot...which will be any day now.

Also, my All Star team was second in the tournament we played in, so that means we are going to the state championship! How about Saturday was miserable and FREEZING but we still pulled out the win (9-0, thank you!) and so off we go to Rock Hill. I mean, I don't really know what is going on since we have no schedule and I haven't figured out how we're all getting there or where we're staying and it's in two weeks....but whatever, we're going. My team is the only U17 that made it. And I have to say, it's all in the coaching. That is what my supervisor (who is super cute and I have a crush on his voice...and him..but mainly his voice) tells me. When you win, it's all in the coaching. When you lose, it's the players fault. Sigh. I wish I had game off the field and could score with the supervisor. OHHHHH...how you like those puns? I love them, thanks.

So soccer consumed my Saturday. And then Sunday I did nothing. Literally. Nothing. Driving to my moms for dinner was the most effort I exerted all day. Because then I got there and did nothing. It was a waste of day. In more ways than one.

Lastly, HOORAY for Christmas season! I mean, it's close enough. I don't officially get in the Christmas spirit until after Thanksgiving...it's only right, Thanksgiving deserves some attention too. BUT, it's almost here and that means Christmas music, yay! Christmas lights, YAY! Christmas presents, woo hoo! And best of all, PEPPERMINT ICE CREAM! Omg, my FAVE! It only comes out around Christmas and it is probably my number one favorite thing to eat. But it does also mean cold weather and that gets a big fat BOOOO. I know, always gotta be Debbie Downer. We'll focus on the positive...we're getting a Christmas tree next week! Hip, hip HOORAY!

Arrivederci Booger

I'm not alone

Another roller coaster of a weekend.

So, every now and again, I think to myself, self, wtf are you thinking? Because sometimes, I think I'm crazy. I think, I cannot possibly be normal 23 year old and there is no way anyone else is as ridiculous as me. But, then, sometimes, I find out I am, in fact, NOT the only person that thinks a certain way. There are lots of crazies out there! Don't get me wrong, I know I am still unique and valuable (thank you high school health teacher), and there is no one quite like me...but there are people that think similar thoughts as myself. Such as this person's thoughts on having kids, that I found on wwtdd.com:

"Why on earth do people have kids? By all outward appearances, they’re nothing but one endless terrifying drama after another, a constant drain on your wallet, your social life and your peace and quiet. Have a kid and your life just became 100 million times harder. You might as well have chopped off one of your feet. Are they cute? Not really, not to anyone but you, but if that’s all you want get a dog and then fold a pirate hat out of some newspaper. There. Ta-da."

That's what I'm screaming! Couldn't have said it better myself!

And then there's this thought....

…four unmistakable signs that you’re getting old(er)

1. doing absolutely nothing…and loving it
when you’re young, if you happen to spend a weekend night in the crib, you usually spend the whole time wondering and fantasizing to death about all of the marvelous and slutty things other people your age are doing at the time. by the time i turned 26, i’d mutter “i should have stayed my ass at home” at least once during at least 75 percent of my outings.

now, i make up excuses not to go out.

“naw man, i’m good. sportscenter highlights are always better when rece davis is the anchor, and he’s scheduled to appear on tonight's show. i can’t miss that sh*t”

Yessssss. I love it! I make up excuses too! Usually not involving sportscenter highlights, but something along those lines. Honestly, I just really like sleeping more than drinking. It's warmer, less expensive and less hazardous to my health. Also, I get to wear comfier clothes and don't have to ward off sketch balls hitting on me. It's fabulous. However, I did actually dress up and go out on the town this Saturday and had myself a very successful and fun evening. I won't go into details...a lady doesn't kiss and tell. Haha, that's a lie..I tell everything..but I am classy enough to not give it all away online. And I didn't pay for a drink all night! I did have to ward off some sketch balls though. You can't win em all.

And going back to me being crazy...I know I'm a little on the strange side..but all I have to do is sign onto facebook or hit up a club...or go to work and I remember there are people FAR crazier than I. First off, what is UP with people putting up "model" photo shoot albums. No one wants to see 40 pictures of just YOU. It's lame when they are "professionally" done (I mean, "professionally" can encompass a wide variety of levels), but it is especially lame when you have taken all the pictures yourself....with your phone. Some people need life coaches. And I am fully aware that I am obsessed with Booger and put up lots of videos and photos...but she is at least SUPER cute. A lot of these people taking model pictures are not cute. At all.

Speaking of Booger. I had to give her back today. :( :( :( :( :( Sooooo sad. Apparently you just foster them until they are big enough to stay in the kennel with the other dogs. So yeah, that was depressing. But kind of good I guess. I ran out of dog food today. Also, she peed in my bed last night and I've had just about enough of that nonsense. But, I am still super sad. This is worse than being dumped...Booger actually loved me back. I will be posting a tribute photo montage later. We can mourn together. Or you can roll your eyes at the excessiveness. Whatever floats your boat.

All Star soccer has officially taken over my life. I had to do something soccer related 5 days out of the week last week, and six this week. Complete ridiculousness. But, I think we are pretty good. So things should at least be exciting once the games start. Did I mention we are playing at the air force base? That means everyone has to be cleared to get on base. As in, I had to submit a list of names of people that are coming to the game so the military could run background checks on everyone coming. CRAZY.

And lastly, you know that commercial for AllState Insurance that has the family in court and they lose and they're all sad and the other guy is like, we'll get all their money! Yes? I looked for it on YouTube, but couldn't find it, so if you don't know, just watch TV until it comes on. Anyways, every time I see that commercial I get irritated because I realllly want to know the story behind it! I mean, what happened??!?! Was the kid drinking and driving? Is he underage? He's not cute, so I am not really all that interested in him, but I do want to know why the other man is so bitter and money hungry. Is he poor? Was a loved one killed by the ugly boy? Was his car totaled? What is going on AllState?!? I don't think I'll ever find out, with it not being real and all. So sad.

Ok, well be ready for the photo montage. I know I'm excited!

True Life

My life is ridiculous.

Right now Liz is making me watching True Life: I'm a compulsive shopper. It's killing me. These people are retarded and I don't feel sorry for them. Especially the retard that is trying to save money so she can get a boob job. Dumb ass. Moving on.

Look how much Booger loves me. And I love her back. However, she has been a crazy mutt lately and has got some serious biting issues. We're working on it. I'll keep you updated. In the meantime, let's look at happier times when Booger was being cute. There are more videos of this and I'll get around to posting them later. I know, I'm out of control with the videos. I can't stop myself. True Life: I'm addicted to my puppy.

Woo hoo! Go Chic-Fil-A. Sadly, we did not win the Championship (we lost in the tournament by ONE goal..I don't even want to discuss it, it should not have been scored), but we did get this awesome runner-up trophy. Not really sure what I'm going to do with this huge ass trophy, but I'll figure something out. Maybe take it by Chic-Fil-A and see if I can trade it in for some free fries or something. Right, so anyways, since my team finished second, I was made the head coach for the All-Stars team. I was under the impression I was going to just be helping out as an assistant coach..but no, I'm the head coach. This should be interesting. I hope they give me a coaches jersey so everyone knows I am the coach and not a player. Don't laugh. It's happened. True Life: I'm a 23 year old trapped in a 15 year olds body.

I saw Role Models this weekend...SO FUNNY. Go see it. But miss the previews. Normally I love the previews, but they had two for some really scary movies. And I hate scary movies, as well as scary previews. It was some freaky shit. True Life: Scary movie previews give me nightmares.

I think MTV needs to contact me about these True Life ideas. I really think I could provide them with some good material. I mean, they could either actually do a story on me and my super awesome life. Or, I could just give them ideas and they could pay me lots of money. Sounds good to me. Holla, MTV!

By the way, we moved on to True Life: I'm an alcoholic. Seriously? Who cares. Coaching youth soccer, puppies and drug testing is way more interesting. Please.

Hot Dog!

Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!




I really am that obsessive mom. I take a million pictures and then show them to the world, even if they are not interested in seeing them. But whatever, I am going to keep doing it until the blogger police tell me to stop. Anyways, aren't we so cute? I was the phantom drug tester and Booger was obviously a hot dog. She was not a huge fan of it though...as you will see in the video...yay!



And now I'm just going to show more pictures. Because I am that mom and she is that cute. Also, I don't have much else to say other than I am SO ready to vote and get this election OVER with. I am so tired of all the political bullshit. Anyways, enjoy....
Aww, she loves pinky!
Scary face!

Such a booger

Bath time!

Hope you got a good dose of Booger. I'm sure there will be more to come. Get excited! Also, there are more pics and videos on facebook just in case you didn't get your fill.

And lastly, I saw "The Secret Life of Bees" last night and it was super good. The book, of course, is better, but I thought the movie did a good job. Stayed pretty true to the book, which I like. It made me sad for a lot of reasons but it inspired me a little too. I thought of this last night and thought it was so very poetic of me. Here goes:

Sometimes, when you're mending a broken heart, you have to rip out the stitches and start all over again.

Creative, right? It's like when you sew...get it? Like you're mending a dress or something. I know, I don't know where it comes from either. It just bursts out of me. I can't control it.

Song of the post: "Heartbreak World" by Matt Nathanson.

Soccer championships this week! Wish me luck!

Adios.

Just Dance

Prepare for randomness.

I am so in love with Booger. I don't know how I am going to give her cute self back to the shelter when they call me. I seriously can't get enough of her. And it's weird because I am actually ok with all her nonsense. I am ok with taking her out at 2 in the morning and I'm ok with her peeing in my bed. Gross, I know..but don't worry, I change and wash the sheets asap. But how crazy is that?! I guess I just have a huge soft spot for incredibly cute things. Also, I get so happy because she totally recgoninzes that I'm her mom. She was whining in the car when someone else was holding her but she shut right up when I got her. And she gives me good morning kisses and snuggles with me at bedtime. SO PRECIOUS! I can't STAND it! She seriously is the sunshine of my life. Maybe I should have named her Sunshine. Hm. A woman came in for a drug test today named Sunshine. She wasn't all that sunny though. Her case worker definitely wasn't..she was a total bitch. Moving on. This love kind of scares me because it makes me realize that IF I ever have kids (which I don't want to do) then I will be one of those crazy moms that takes a million pictures of her kids, thinks they are the greatest kids ever in life and makes them dress up in dumb outfits just for a cute photo op. And that is exactly why I don't want to have babies...I do NOT want to be that crazy mom! But I am! And now I'm posting videos. Oh goodness..what have I become?

This video doesn't showcase her full cuteness...kind of when she falls. So imagine this cuteness times 100.

Ok, some work ridiculousness...you have to have a picture ID to get a test done. Duh. You can't waltz in here, claiming to be whoever and expect to take a drug test without proving it. For some reason, this causes problems for lots of people and we have issues with it all the time. People come up with creative solutions and sometimes ask if a social security card or birth certificate will work. Good try, but those don't have pictures, so no. One lady called last week and said she didn't have a photo ID, but she did have her marriage license and wanted to know if that would work instead. WHAT???!!!! People are so crazy! And ridiculous! I mean really. I love it. Some people.

I got a new car! Yay! Oh, wait, back up. Ralph was fixed...he got a new radiator and has been up and running since last week. But, long story short, he might not make it much longer and so I got a new one. And it's an AUDI! Ooooooo, fancy! I know, I feel so special! I start driving it sometime soon..it still needs plates and insurance. And a name of course, so send some suggestions my way. I think it's a she.

Soccer update: U13 is over. We were number 8 and lost to the number 9 time tonight and are therefore out of the playoffs. I will not lie and say I'm not sad. I am ready for soccer to be over. For one thing, it's freezing. Also, I'm tired of running all over the place trying to coach both games by myself. It's exhausting. U18 starts in the playoffs next week and we're tied for first right now, so things could get exciting. We'll see.

Yay Halloween this weekend! Still haven't figured out what I'm going to be. We'll see I guess.

Boo cold weather. Yay fair next week!

The title is my new song for the day. It's by Lady Gaga. She's awesome. It's also what I want to do with my life.

Peace out homeslice.

Meet Booger

OH. MY. GOSH. Is she not the absolute cutest thing you have EVER seen in your life? Yes she is. Don't deny it. And she is even sweeter in person than she is in the this precious picture. And yes, her name is Booger. It is an excellent name and she loves it. She told me. We are very tight. She pooped in my bed and I still love her. She wakes me up three times a night and I still love her. She has tried to eat all my extremities as well as my hair and I STILL love her. That is how tight we are. Sadly, though, she is not mine forever. I am a foster puppy parent so I will only have her for two or three weeks. But honestly, I think that will be enough. Puppies are kind of like babies to me...they are super cute for a little bit and then they get old. We'll see how things go with Booger, but I really don't think I am going to be able to keep her. But for right now, she and I are having a fabulous time at work. And she hasn't pooped inside once today! She has tried to eat my shoelaces multiple times though.

So, in other news...these last couple of days have been a roller coaster. I got the call about Booger on Sunday and I was all, yay! But then later that day the radiator on my car blew and now it's undriveable and that's all, booooooo. But then, today I got a call from the egg place and I got matched again, so I can donate again! YAY! See, roller coaster. But mainly good things. I will be ok without a car for now, but I really wanted to go to Jacksonville this weekend but I don't know if that is going to happen now since my car might not be fixed by Friday. DOUBLE BOOOO. :( :(. I want to go so bad! I've been planning it for awhile. Since right after all my other plans were officially squashed via text message. But, to end on a good note, the U13 team TIED last night! Which means they DIDN'T LOSE! HOORAY! And, we scored THREE goals! That's huge! More than the rest of the season combined, I think. The U18 tied as well, which was disappointing because that is our first not win...but it's not a loss, so we're cool.

Ok, well keep your fingers crossed for Ralph (my car) and maybe when he's fixed I'll come visit YOU! Get excited, whoever you are.

Peace...and hair grease.

Also, does anyone know how to make things go on both sides of the blog? I want to get some more lists going.

Best Week Ever

Only not really. It was actually a pretty terrible week. But it's over now and next week will be better. Really, I was just watching Best Week Ever on VH1 and that show is hilarious! I kind of have this love/hate relationship with VH1. I am totally in love with some of the shows...like Best Week Ever, I Love the 80s (and 90s, 70s and all the spin offs) and the fact they are playing Drumline on Saturday afternoon. However, some of the shows are SO lame. Like, it hurts me to watch them. The only time I ever do is when I see clips on other shows or Liz is watching one of them and I happen to pass through the living room. Other than that, I steer clear. I tend to get really emotionally involved when I watch TV. It' not a good thing. I can't stand watching people look stupid or embarrass themselves. I also really hate watching people argue. I think that might have something to do with listening to my parents argue a lot as a kid, but it makes me cringe. That is why I had such a hard time watching the debate on Wednesday. I tried, I really did. I feel like that is what I'm supposed to be doing as an educated American...watching the debate and then having opinions and discussing it afterwards. But for the most part, I couldn't deal with it. I mean, I think politics is stupid anyways. GASP! I know, so unAmerican...but no one tells the truth and everyone is full of bologna and the fact that Sarah Palin and her big moron self is even on the ticket just makes sad for the entire political system. Seeing her on SNL made me like her even less. Don't get me wrong though, I am pretty excited about getting to take part in an unprecedentedly (is that a word?) exciting and close race. I think whatever happens is going to be crazy and it'll be interesting to see how it all plays out. But, whatever, hopefully I won't even be around when the new president is inaugurated. Still really hoping to be out of the country as soon as possible.

Not much going on this weekend. The weather was bad yesterday, but it is back to being amazing today. I was considering a divorce for a bit, but I think we are going to be able to work things out.

I watched October Sky this weekend. Back in high school, that was my favorite movie. I used to watch it like, everyday. So weird, right? I don't know what it was, but I loved it! I think I was probably the only high schooler that was in love with it, thus probably making me Jake Gyllenhaal's first fan. So he should probably come find me and marry me. I'll be here waiting Jake! Also I love the music in it. We can dance to it at our wedding. It'll be awesome.

I am so irritated with some of the stupid people that I've been talking to about living here. Some people are so rude and retarded and I don't understand how they don't know proper etiquette when it comes to conversing with someone about possibly living in their house. If you say you are going to come by at 2:00, fucking come by at 2:00 or at least call and say you aren't going to be able to make it. It is not that hard assholes.

AH! The Animal Shelter just called me and told me I get to be a foster parent for a puppy for the next two weeks!!! So exciting! This could be disastrous, but I'm thinking it could be super fun as well. Woo hoo, crazy times! We'll see how it goes and I will definitely put up pics sometime next week. Hopefully this will make next week a great week! We'll see...more later. Sorry this post was so ridiculous and random. My life is not that interesting these days. What are you gonna do?

I've got nothing to do today but smile

What up party people. It is a GOOD day today. So far, no waves and the weather is so wonderful. Seriously, get in your car and come visit me right now because this weather is beyond amazing. I really do want to kiss and marry it and have it around for always and forever. I'm in the process of trying to figure out how to propose. I walked down to the Farmer's Market today and got myself a crepe and enjoyed it with my new boyfriend the weather by eating it outside, just sitting on my stoop. I really want a porch, but that is not happening anytime soon, so until then, the stoop it is. The bugs aren't as bad these days (of course right after I bought some quality bug spray) so now I'm chilling outside writing this. The neighbors probably think I'm crazy, but whatev. And good god, I LOVE crepes. They would be maid of honor in the wedding.

I rediscovered my love for blasting really ridiculous dorky music and driving with the windows down on extremely nice days like today. I'm embarrassed to tell you what I was listening, so I'll keep it to myself. Ok, no I won't. No shame! Today's selection included Michael Bolton and pieces from the musical "Wicked." Speaking of "Wicked," I think that may be the main reason I am so sad these days...I will no longer be going to see it at the end of October. So very sad indeed. I was really looking forward to it. :( But, there will be other chances, so I'll go another time. In the meantime, you can find me "defying gravity" at a very high volume around town. I am so cool. Also, yes, I did in fact say Michael Bolton. He has some super fabulous 80s pop music and I feel fellow drivers should appreciate it as well. Lucky them. OH! And on the way home, sometimes there are these crazy guys in blue wigs standing on the side of the road jumping around all crazy advertising for a junk company or something. I don't know, there is this huge dump truck next to them that says www.gotjunk, and that is what their signs say too. I think that would be a horribly embarrassing job, but it's like 3 guys and I think if I was out there with friends, it would be hysterical. Plus they crack me up, so I LOVE seeing them! It totally makes my afternoon. They are young guys and they seem like fun...I think I should stop by sometime and say what's up. And I'll be all, oh yeah, I got junk....in my TRUNK! Check it. I'm sure that will go over well. They look like they would appreciate some good 80s Michael Bolton. I think this could work.

In other news, the search for a third roommate is still on. I have high hopes for this batch of people though. I re-posted it on craigslist and I have gotten a few promising responses. ::Fingers crossed:: I might be looking for another roommate in January because my retard sister is thinking of moving...to New Jersey. Seriously, she is such a tard. She wants to be a full time a nanny and her choices are NJ and Italy. She's going for New Jersey. For reals. I don't know how we are related sometimes. I am hoping to get out of the country in the new future as well, so I might be looking for a permanent replacement for the both of us. We'll see. I sure as hell will not be relocating to New Jersey where it's cold as shit during the winter. I was there for a week last year and was miserable. I could not handle living there.

My foot is getting a little better. It is still disgusting and itchy, but I think it's on it's way out. Jeez, I hope so anyways! At least flip flop season is on it's way out.

We got killed in softball. So sad...but I only played for like, 2 innings so I'm going to say that it was not my fault. I didn't help anything, but I certainly didn't hurt anyone. On the way home I was listening to some random song and one of the lines in it was "we have to remember...god is a baby...and also a diaper." Something along those lines of ridiculousness. I mean, what? Speaking of music, I just downloaded new music and I'm obsessed. I think I'm going to start a new list or something of songs I think everyone needs to hear. The first one is "Shakin" by Eddie Money. Go. Download. Listen. Thank me later.

Ok, well I just read Sarah's 8 post and I want to re-do some of mine because that is how I roll. I copy and steal from people. They inspire me. Sarah inspires me to be better. And, I forgot about kissing because that is also a passion of mine. My favorite is kissing random boys in random places...like alleys, public bathrooms and the parking lot. Bonus points if they don't speak English. Kissing whilst standing up is my favorite. Making out on the couch is fun too, but there is just something romantic about standing and kissing. Even when you're in a bathroom...trust me. She also had good music listed. Good job Sarah! Except Hall and Oates..for real? To each his own. But, I'll keep my post the same. Oh yeah, I'm also jealous of her fun job because I just know I would be so much better off if I had a fun job I liked and actually used my brain for. I need to find one! I also wished I thought being a college grad was fabulous...I think it will be though. I have faith. Oh, and I'm also tagging Kelly and she better do it because she hasn't posted since like, June.

Man! I really wish I could bottle how I feel today and drink it up when I'm feeling lame. I seriously had a fabulous day and just feel super great right now. Don't know what it is...the crepe perhaps. Going to sleep with a smile on my face in hopes tomorrow will be just as fabulous.

Ciao ciao!

Just call if you need us

Right, so I know I've been a posting fool these days. I mean, things have been happening, so I have stuff to write about AND my super amazing, extremely smart and technologically savvy self just installed the wireless router at our house. ALL BY MYSELF. Yes. So, I finally get to use my computer at the house and it's awesome. So that means I don't have to post at work, or sit in the awkward chair using my sister's computer. I get to use mine! And I love my computer, so I'm going to use it as much as possible. And I have stuff I want to share. So here goes.

First off, I never told about the ridiculous woman I encountered the other day. I have told the story about 10 times this week and the more I tell it, the more I realize that it's not all that funny or interesting, so I'll give the abridged version. Basically I went to do an on-site collection in someone's house and the girl I was testing was a big fat bitch and was giving me a lot of attitude. But she wasn't the biggest problem...her cousin (who was probably 40) was sitting in the room when I walked in and got all pissy with me because I "didn't say good morning" to her or her mother. I mean, I walked into their house so you'd think they would greet me first but they didn't so, I didn't say anything to them. Whatever. But she would NOT drop it! She kept saying something about it! Finally, when I was almost finished, I had as much as I could take and was just like, "Look, I don't need a manners lecture from you!" And then she got REAL mad and started yelling some more and demanded that she call my boss, blah blah. So I gave her the number, walked out and of course, told everyone goodbye and to have a lovely day. She yelled after me to have a blessed day because I obviously needed the lord in my life. Right. That is exactly what I need. I think I need a new job, actually but whatever. Anyways, best part is that she called my boss/dad and he shut her down so fast, haha! He was pretty much like, yeah, it's not her job to say good morning and that since she wasn't even the one being tested, it's really not any of her concern. BURN.

I signed up for the TEFL course, so in just a few short hours (40 maybe) I will be certified to teach English abroad! I am proud of myself because I am finally taking a step towards to doing what I really want to do and what I've been saying I'm going to for the last year and a half. So go me.

And lastly, my faith in humanity has been restored by an act of kindness today. I decided I was going to walk to Whole Foods (which I thought was really far, but is only 2 miles) today, even though the weather was not looking so good. But I made up my mind, so off I went. I made it there fine but on the way back it started pouring down rain...of course. So I'm standing on the side of the road, under a business awning and this CARTA bus that is going by just stops in the middle of the road (Coleman Blvd) and starts honking for me to get on! Haha, the driver was holding up traffic and everything, just so I didn't have to stand in the rain. So awesome..made my weekend. And then, she dropped me off right in front of my house. How fabulous is that? I got off and she was just like, ok, just call carta whenever you need us. I love it.

Wow. So I just got really sad. It comes in waves and one just hit me big time. Still having a hard time processing that someone I care about is completly wiped out of my life and is ok with that.

Shake it off.

Slightly Pathetic

Right, so I decided that I like being tagged. Mainly because I like writing about myself. Also, it gives me an excuse to post without having to come up with something to talk about. However, because of my limited number of blogger friends (I've got about 1 right now), I don't get tagged very often. So I just stole this tag from another blog I was reading and decided to tag myself. I don't know if that is allowed but I don't care because the 4-5 people that read this probably don't care. They also probably don't care about reading about me, but again, I'm not that concerned. Writing this is mainly therapy for me anyways, so here we go...

8 things I'm passionate about:
I'm really not that passionate about anything, but here are things I would really like/care about and could possibly lead to passion down the road...
1. Music. I love music. And like I said earlier, I love analyzing songs and applying them to my life. Songs can make me cry, but they can also make me really happy.
2. Dancing. Kind of ties in with music. I freaking love dancing and wish I could do it for a living. I would love nothing more than to be on "Dancing with Normal, Everyday People" (its a new show that needs to be developed.) I also really want to dance with Ellen one day and learn the final dance from Dirty Dancing Havana Nights.
3. Writing. I love writing and really want to find a job one day that is a combination of writing, traveling and helping people. That would be awesome.
4. Traveling. I got a little taste in college and want nothing more than to bust up out of the US and go to every country. Seriously. Every single one. I need to get started.
5. Helping people. I like doing the behind the scenes stuff and not the emotional stuff. Like when I do Habitat stuff, I want to hammer and build...not talk to the people. I know, I'm so cold.
6. Reading. Man, I sound like kind of a loser, but there is really nothing better than reading a really good book. I think I am one of a very small amount of 23 year olds that actually utilizes their library card. Awesome, right?
7. My friends and family. I have some really super awesome ones. For real. I don't know how I got so lucky but sometimes my friends just rock my face off. I just wish they all lived closer and not so damn far away. Thank goodness for the internet and cell phones.
8. Women's rights. Well, people's rights in general I guess. Equality is the way to go. I really want to figure out a way to turn this passion into a career. Any thoughts?

8 things I want to do before I die:
1. Travel to every country. I'm hoping science will advance and I'll live a long time, but still be healthy and able. And if that doesn't work, at least go everywhere cool. And I need a shit ton of money.
2. Have a huge, extravagant, bomb ass party for myself. Or a wedding. The wedding might not happen...so I'm not going to limit myself in the event that I will just have to throw an amazing party for myself.
3. Have something published. (this kind of sounds like my bucket list...)
4. Be on TV, in a movie or a play. I guess I need to get an agent.
5. Live on the beach. Not near it...on it. Somewhere that has ridiculously high house insurance.
6. Have something named after me. A friend of my mom's has a scholarship at Notre Dame in her name. I think PC will someday have a jacky g scholarship of awesomeness. I, of course, will decide the criteria. It will involve being awesome.
7. Give money back to places that are important to me...PC, Camp Cherokee, Camp Greenville, my elementary and high schools (not middle, middle school was awful).
8. Fly first class and get wasted on free champagne.

8 things I say often:
1. And....
2. like,
3. Cuss words...I am such a potty mouth!
4. Ok, love you...bye (when talking on the phone)
5. Seriously
6. I know, right?
7. Are you freaking kidding me?!
8. Hi. Can I help you? Who are you taking a test for? Do you have a picture ID with you? Please sign in. Thank you, it will be just a second. (my standard greeting at the pee farm)

8 artists I never tire of listening to:
1. Matt Nathanson
2. Belinda Carlisle (really just Heaven on Earth)
3. Van Morrison
4. Will Hoge
5. Jack Johnson
6. Counting Crows
7. Classical (more of a genre, really)
8. 80s (also a genre...sorry)

8 TV shows I love:
1. Scrubs
2. The Office
3. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
4. 30 Rock
5. Arrested Development
6. The Colbert Report
7. Til Death
8. I love the 80s & 70s (the Vh1 series)
See a pattern? Not a big TV person...but I love me some comedy

8 Things I learned in 2008:
1. I learned a lot about drugs and how they metabolize in your body. Fascinating, I know. I'll tell you all about it someday.
2. I am not as strong or as smart as I thought I was
3. Being a college graduate is not all that fabulous...and I'm not alone in thinking that.
4. You really have to make things happen for yourself.
5. A LOT of people in Charleston County do drugs. Way more than I thought.
6. Just because you are nice to people, it does not mean they are going to be nice back.
7. The real world is expensive
8. You really have to hold tight onto people and things that matter.

Who am I gonna tag?
Haha, umm...my one blogger friend...Sarah! And anyone else that reads this. Let me know!

One Step at a Time

Quick survey: Does anyone else try to figure out a way to make pretty much any and every song they hear apply to your life? Show of hands. Just me? Ok. Well, yeah, I'm weird but I am constantly hearing songs and being like, Yeah! That's me! I totally agree (insert artist's name here)! Or, sometimes, I even will hunt down a song that applies to whatever life situation I am in at the time. It happens more frequently when I'm feeling sad or profound, so right now I'm digging on that new Leona Lewis song...I don't even know the name of it, but it's about moving on because you have to. Also, I'm all about the Jordin Sparks song, "One Step At a Time." Because a wise friend was telling me that I really just have to take my life one day at time and figure out how to get through each day and not worry so much about what is going to happen in the future. I do that a lot. I also let myself get overwhelmed and think about every negative thing that could possibly or is going on and then I just lose it. Again, you would think I would learn after these episodes happen repeatedly...but I don't. So yeah, I need to figure out how to retain information.


Long story short, I'm feeling A LOT better. I am keeping myself busy and happy and I really think stuff really did happen for a reason and everything is going to work out for the best. It's also nice to know that even though some people don't appreciate you and love you for all you're worth...some people do. I have amazing friends and they are being awesome and helping me out even though they have gone through all this mess before. And, in case you were wondering...I am actually talking about more than one person. But we don't need to get into all that.


I also officially decided I am more mad at the other person. Because I didn't do anything wrong and I was actually a fabulous significant other or whatever I was. Or friend in some situations. But I can't change people. Even though I'm smarter and cooler, not every one thinks like me. Which is unfortunate, but I'm learning how to accept the things I cannot change. And I will smile because I deserve to, thank you.

In more normal, less dramatic news...my foot is covered in ant bites and it freaking HURTS. I kind of want to cut my foot off. I feel like that would probably not be best in the long run though. That would probably just add to my problems...esp since I still don't have health insurance. I'm thinking it could be problematic. Thoughts?

And, OH MY GOSH-I dealt with the most RIDICULOUS person this morning. Seriously, such a bitch. Two bitches actually. But, I don't feel like writing about it so I'll do it tomorrow. For now, my burning foot and I are going to bed.

Peace out, yo.

Just Like J. Lo

No, I will not be running a marathon, supporting Scientology, having twins, or launching a singing or acting career. I am merely emulating her song, I'm Real. I decided that I'm going to be real (what you get is what you see..or read) today. Not that I'm ever fake really, but there will be no sugar coating today. And this entry is going to be slightly depressing. So just quit reading if you don't want to listen to Debbie Downer (me) whine about life. I'm hoping to get everything out there, use writing as my therapy and then move on. That is really the goal. I don't want to depress people, but it might happen. You've been warned. Also, I'll be speaking in generalizations, but I think we all know what is going on. There will be slightly happier news at the bottom. Feel free to scroll down.

So. Going back to my amazement with time and how much it changes things, I have once again been floored at how even just one hour can flip my life around. I'm back to being heartbroken and it fucking sucks. I don't think there is any worse feeling than realizing that, even though you wish more than anything it wasn't true, someone just doesn't care about you like you want them too. And it's weird because this has happened to me multiple times before, so you would think I would be used to it by now. But I'm not...it hurts every time. I think the most painful thing is knowing that you are not worth it to the other person and they are perfectly ok to let you go and not have you in his/her life. It's that simple. And through a text message too. Ouch.

But the thing is, I can't decide who I'm more mad at...me or the other person. I'm frustrated with myself for a lot of reasons. Mainly because I KNEW BETTER. I knew better than to let this person back in my life. I knew that he/she had a history of breaking my heart and not thinking twice about it. And I don't even understand myself because I knew that it wasn't going anywhere. I know I am going to be leaving the country someday soon (FINGERS CROSSED) and I knew that things were going to end there. Why did I keep fighting for this stupid, pointless, destructive relationship? I used to feel sorry for those pathetic women that were in abusive relationships and would just not leave the person. I was always like, that person is so weak and lame, why don't they just get the hell out. And now I know why. And don't misunderstand, I was NOT being abused and it is NOT the same thing..but there are parallels. It's because you love someone. And I really think love is the most powerful thing ever. It really does make you do stupid, crazy, nonsensical, DUMB ASS things. And I know I'm being melodramatic and cliche, but sometimes that is how I am. Deal with it. And the thing is, I never EVER thought I would be one of those pathetic women. I thought I was better than that. But here I am. Then again, I never thought I would be a lot of things, but here I am. For example, I used to think wearing flip flops with jeans was horribly ugly and uncool. And you better believe it is now a fashion staple for me. I digress. I have learned the hard way that when you really love someone, your feelings and your heart come second. And it sucks more because my extremely smart brain is telling me that I'll be ok but my pesky heart keeps making my tear ducts turn on. It's so annoying.

Don't get me wrong though. I am plenty mad at the other person as well. I can't understand how you can say so much and lead someone to believe that you really and truly care about them...and then just change your mind...again. Twice. That is the worst part. This happened twice. I gave someone a second chance and am in the same situation all over again. But again, it goes back to me...fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. And the saddest part is, I think I would give them a third chance. Fool me thrice, someone push me off a bridge. I just keep thinking he/she is somehow going to be struck with wisdom, the clouds will open up and he is FINALLY going to realize what a huge mistake he is making. But it's not going to happen. I think I'm really sad too because a huge chunk of my life is going to be missing. That person was a big deal and now they're not.

I guess I keep going back and forth between blaming myself and blaming the other. I know I'm amazing and awesome and super. So is it my problem that I keep wasting it on people that don't deserve it or is the other person for not appreciating what is right in front of them? I don't even know if that made sense...it did in my head.

Dear readers, I know I need to shut up. I know I need to move on and stop whining. I know that moving on to bigger and better things is what needs to happen. And I think I'm going to do it this time. For real. I am just really sad right now and it is going to take time. I really need that life fast forward button. And also please don't think I spend all my time feeling sorry for myself. Number one, I have lots of stuff going on and I am keeping busy. Number two, I know that much MUCH worse things have happened to other people. I know I am not the first person to suffer through a broken heart and I will definitely not be the last. I just felt like this was an outlet to leave it all on the table and hopefully a way to help me walk away from it all.

Hm, also...I just looked up the "I'm Real" lyrics and they really don't apply to this situation at all. But whatever, I was still real. Just maybe not in true J.Lo style. That's cool, she is kind of pyscho anyways.

See what I mean? What kind of sane person would wear that?

So, in other news:

I won both my softball games last night! Hooray! And I didn't do horrible. I get really nervous playing with the new team because they are more hardcore and better than my other team. But, I did not embarass myself last night other than one missed grounder. And, I batted well, which was a welcome change.

Oh yeah! Homecoming was super fun! I had a great time, which was kind of unexpected. But still, a pleasant surprise. I saw lots of good friends and had a very good, drunk time. Exactly what I wanted. I did get a little upset though, because the stupid ticket lady gave everyone free tickets that had their student ID...and then I tried to use mine and she was all, what is your ID number? You don't still go here do you? UGH! Punk! She caught me. But then I got all sassy and was like, you didn't check everyone elses! She said, yes I did! I said, no you did not because you just gave everyone else that graduated with me a free ticket! Then I ran away so she wouldn't yell at me. I was drunk..but not fearless quite yet. So boo on getting caught and having to spend $15 on a ticket. I don't feel bad though...I mean, there are tons of students that don't go to the game...I was just using one of theirs! And, there are tons of times I didn't use my free ticket, so I think it would have been ok for me to get in for free. But whatever. And, I lost my black fleece. Which really pisses me off. One, because I didn't even use it. Two, because it was expensive. Three, I just bought it last year. And four, I know someone out there has it and they KNOW it's mine because it has my freaking name on the tag. Grrr.

Hm, that's about it for jacky news. Sorry again for the sad rant, but I needed to get it out. I feel better already. Feel free to send distractions my way.

Later dudes.

We Want the Funk

Just thought I would share this video because I think it is so hilarious and cute. Also, I have nothing else interesting to share really, so why not?



And, sweet! I figured out how to post videos. Get excited people, because I'm sure lots more are coming your way. I love those kids! I don't have a Mastercard, but I just might get one now. I wonder if they all get free Mastercards for being in that commercial. I also wonder if they are really that cool in person. Probably not. I love funny commercials. They make my life. There are some Katrina and I find hilarious but no one else seems to think so, so I'm not going to share. Maybe I'll put the Jesus videos on here one day...those things are hysterical. Unless you're really into Jesus...then you might not think so.

Other than that, my U13 team lost...again. We have not won a single game and we've only scored one goal the whole season. Sound familiar? Yeah, sounds like the 5 and 6 year old team I had. I don't know if this means I'm a bad coach or if it means that since I'm not a parent, they just give me the crappy team. I don't know. I don't really know what else I can do...these kids do NOT listen! And they are pretty lazy and never want to get after the ball, so that could be a factor in them not scoring any goals. It's a possibility. There is also one child on the team I would really like to see move away and not come back. He sucks so bad. And not just at soccer...at life in general. That's pretty bad when you're only 11 and already sucking at life. He's got a long, sucky life ahead of him.

Anyways, we still need a third roommate. PLEASE let me know if you know anyone that is not sketchy, clean and fun. Very basic requirements to live in pretty much the coolest house ever.

Going to Homecoming this weekend. I'll keep you posted on how that goes. I am neutral about it right now. Could be awesome. Could be terrible. Fingers crossed for awesome.

Later skater.

Time

Ok, so that title is lame, but I'm feeling lame today so whatever. I am also feeling slightly psycho, so bear with me. This blog is going to be all over the place. So is my life, so it works. But it also makes me out to be a crazy person...but I kind of am, so yeah...shutting up now and moving on. I'll let you decide for yourselves whether or not you should still be my friend/loyal reader, or perhaps distance yourself for fear of catching some of the crazy.

So I've been thinking about time a lot lately. And how sometimes I really wish I had a life rewind button and other times a fast forward one. Today is especially interesting to me because today is the day I came home from Wyoming exactly a year ago. It is absolutely INSANE to me how much happens in a year. One year and everything is different. But at the same time, one year later and so much is the same. It's weird. I don't know if anything else is baffled by change, but it throws me every time. I know I should be used to it by now, but I still am just like, wtf is going on here? And by here, I mean my life. My own life baffles me and I would love to figure it out, but I don't think that is happening anytime soon. Like I said, sometimes I wish I could rewind it so I could go back and revisit happy times. Not that I want to go back and re-live the past...I just want to visit and be really happy again. Because I am not super happy right now. But I think I will be in the future sometime and that is why I want a fast-forward button. Just to by pass all this nonsense and get to the good stuff. However, if anything, I am so glad to be out of Wyoming. So yay for a year separating me and that atrocity.

Also crazy how much changes in a week, or even a day. Just this past weekend I was a sad little ball of pathetic-ness and here I am three days later with a new outlook on life. My problem is that when something bad happens, I freak out and let it ruin my life (temporarily), which includes lots of crying and moping and not eating. Then I eat something, actually get off the couch and life is SO much better. I just let myself forget that everything is going to be ok and nothing is really that bad and I need to shut up and get up. So, readers, next time you hear of me being sad, someone please give me a reality slap, tell me to shut up and force me to eat something and take a walk.

Something random: On facebook the other day (I know, I spend way to much time on there, but I'm addicted and extremely bored at work), I sign on to see" __________ ________ [names extracted to not embarrass people] took the which mighty woman of the Bible are you most like? quiz. Seriously. I seriously signed on to facebook and saw this. And then I died laughing. Facebook is out.of.control. Those quizzes are crazy and how in the world I ended up being facebook friends with someone that would even take such a thing, I don't know. So of course, I decided to take it. I am Deborah. I'm not going to lie, I have no idea who that even is. I thought for sure I was going to be the Virgin Mary, but I was wrong. Here is my little description: "You aren't afraid to speak your mind. You know what you want, and go for it. You are motivated, and you revel in personal victories. You are wise in many ways, and you know well, and trust the God you serve. You are courageous, and can look fear in the face. You are a victor."
Kind of accurate? I guess...I don't know. I feel like such a heathen. Plus I couldn't really answer the questions very honestly because they were things like, "What bible verse do you most relate to?" And since I don't really read the bible, I had to just pick randomly. There was another one, "At a milk n' cookies party, what would you be doing?" Now, I have never been to a milk and cookies party, so I just replaced milk and cookies with fraternity and put me down as "laughing and have a great time!" So I guess that works. The answers were almost as ridiculous as the questions. Do yourself a favor and take the quiz. Then let me know which mighty woman you are and we can be cool and have a discussion or something. Or maybe someone out there can tell me who Deborah is and I'll decide how I feel about her.

Now that I have covered all the crazy bases, I'm going to shut up. Work is almost over (yay!..and yes, I write this at work instead of doing productive things) and I have a soccer game tonight. Gotta get in the zone. Go team Hitt. (Still don't know what Hitt is).

Later dudes.

Smile, though your heart is aching

So my mom always told me that even when you're really sad, it's best just to pretend that you're happy and fine because eventually you actually will be happy and fine. So that is what I'm going to do. I am only going to share my good news, even though I am not happy nor fine...actually quite the opposite. But moving on. (And, dear readers, don't be too worried...it's just a broken heart. I'll live.)

Moving on, I don't think I shared, but I pretty much got the best sponsor ever for me and JC's U18 soccer team. Ready for it??? Drummmmrooollll......CHIC-FIL-A! YAY! Seriously, how awesome is that? That means we get free food AND a spot on the wall by the bathroom. Bascially, I'm going to be famous, via Chic-Fil-A. Also, our shirts are red, which is my fave color. Only problem is that they give the coaches XL shirts, so it's pretty much a dress on me and I look like an idiot wearing it. And that's irritating because now I have three, nonwearable t-shirts. Our U13 team is Hitt and I have no idea what or who that even is. I know there is a website on our shirts, but I have yet to check it out. And who really cares anyways, because our other team is Chic-Fil-A and that is awesome. Also, our poor little U13 team lost 9-0 at our first game on Monday and it was a diaster. One kid was crying. He played goalie first half and got about 7 goals scored on him. And, as a retired keeper, I know how much that shit sucks. So I feel for him. We switched keepers in the second half and only 2 goals were scored, so that just added insult to injury.

More good news...we got cable! YAY! And don't worry, I took full advantage of it yesterday by watching TV for like, 5 hours straight. Whoa, I know, sad, but I have to make up for lost time. We also got internet, but I couldn't get it to work on my computer. Hopefully we'll get the wireless up and running sometime soon. One step at a time. Isn't that right Jordin?

Hmmm...other good news. There is a possibility I will be getting health benefits here at the pee farm in the near future. Promises have been made before, but fingers crossed that something actually happens this time.

Well, that is about it. I am going to spend the rest of the day smiling really hard. Because maybe tomorrow the sun will come shining through for me.

You Got Tagged

By you, I mean me. So here ya go, enjoy....

A - Attached or Single? Single. Unrequited love is such a bitch
B - Best friend(s): I have a lot. The real ones are who read this thing.
C - Cake or pie? Hm, depends on what kind. But once I had this dessert in Italy that was one of the best things I've ever had and I'm pretty sure it was pie...so I would have to go with that.
D - Drink of choice? Water...cream soda if I'm feeling special
E - Essential item: the internet, my car
F - Favorite color: Big fan of red
G - Gummi bears or worms? They taste the same.
H - Hometown: Charleston, SC (even though I was born in Jacksonville, FL)
I - Indulgence: TV and food
J - January or February? January. Valentine's Day is stupid
K - Kids: ...are dumb
L - Life, for me, is incomplete without: Dancing, laughing, and randomness....I agree with Sarah. Add sleeping
M - Marriage date: Sept. 21st. But not this coming up one. Or any one in the near future...that is just the day so I can play the song at my wedding and then celebrate with it every year.
N - Number of siblings: 1 brother, 1 sister, 1 step-brother and 2 step-sisters.
O - Oranges or Apples? Apples, red delicious...the crispy ones. Mushy apples are gross.
P - Phobia/Fears: becoming extremely fat...like to the point of not being able move around. Also getting sad and never being able to get happy again.
Q - Favorite quote: "Keep laughing, even when you are under stress." Jerman Disasa
R - Reasons to smile: Going to the beach after work, my friends, new shoes
S - Season: spring and fall.
T - Tag Ten: hahaha. like 10 people read this blog. I'm tagging anyone that does...get back to me.
U - Unknown fact about me: I really want to be famous
V - Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animals? HAHAHA. Is that the best you could come up with for V? Who made this? Biased much? Opressor of animals and I'm not ashamed.
W - Worst habit: overthinking everything, crying, and being super critical
X - X-rays or Ultrasounds: I had an ultrasound once and it was not fun, so probably X-rays
Y - Your favorite foods: Oh my. Sushi, crepes, french fries, the list goes on forever.
Z - Zodiac: Leo. And sometimes I think that stuff is really on point. Scary.

Also, people, just a heads up. This girl is down in the dumps. Feel free to send some love my way. More later.

shiny happy jacky

Alright people, I've calmed down a bit since yesterday. Whew, thank goodness...heads are no longer going to roll. And, you're probably thinking..Whoa! What is this treat?! Two posts in a ROW! That's right folks, today is your LUCKY DAY! Thank your lucky stars and say an extra thank you prayer tonight because this is no joke.

I mainly just wanted everyone to see this new website I found because it is awesome and hilarious. More ways to entertain myself at work! YAY! Here is the link: http://www.wwtdd.com/
And here is an exerpt from one of my favorite posts, from the Jessica Simpson site:
"If you’re reading this somewhere other than the United States today, you should know that today is our birthday. The US has been awesome for 232 years now, and so today all of us bad ass motherfuckin Americans will celebrate by putting our hot chicks in bikinis and shooting fireworks at each other. The point being, things will probably be kind of slow today, so my condolences if you’re bored. Also, my condolences if you're not American. I read in the bible that if god didn’t make you American, it’s because he hates you, so you’re kind of screwed."

hahahahaha! That last line is the best. Another fave is when he is talking about Britney Spears (who is a big fucking moron, btw) and says, "She's a modern day Solomon, people often say." OH MY. So funny. I just love me some sarcasm. And my VERY favorite line (Hm, maybe you should just look at the site instead of me re posting everything on here. Whatev, here it is...)..."What Would Tyler Durden Do" is a blog focused on bringing you the latest gossip and news about rich and famous celebrities. And then making fun of them. Why? Because fuck them, that's why."
Because fuck them, that's why. I LOVE IT. Mainly because I freakin HATE celebrities and how fucking retarded they are and how they are a huge waste of space and especially a HUGE waste of money. But no more ranting about them. I am shiny happy jacky today.

I am especially happy because I'm going to Atlanta this weekend and I am super pumped! I am also pumped because it is currently almost 5:00 which means I get to GO HOME! YAY! And we have soccer practice today, which gives me something to do, also making happy. Even though I will probably get a thousand more bug bites to add to my million current bug bites on my legs...oh well.

And we still haven't found a third roommate, but we're also not dwelling on it because shiny happy jacky does not do things like that. Even though that girl can still suck it. The US department of immigration can also suck it...but that's a whole new story.

I would also like to say that the new facebook is the stupidest thing ever. It makes it a lot harder to follow and it really just looks stupid. Who is making these decisions at fb? We need to have a chat.

And lastly, did I ever share that a woman at work threatened to slap me? It was pretty funny. She didn't want to give up her hair because it was "all natural." Which was a lie because she was most obviously wearing a wig. And then after she got kicked out for threatening physical violence, she asked if her eyebrows would be enough hair to send out. Seriously? You are willing to shave off your EYEBROWS but not willing to give up a tiny bit of hair? WHAT IS WITH PEOPLE?! Crazy crazy.

Oh, and if anyone was wondering, I gave up on reading Catch-22. Unless anyone can make a compelling argument for me to finish it, I won't be picking it back up.

Thank you. That is all. Godspeed.

GRRRRR

People, I am PISSED. And, very similar to last weekend...it's over something somewhat minor that I probably should not be so angry about. Of course, I blow it up in my head and come up with all these reasons as to why I am entitled to be very very angry. But in all reality, I should probably take a chill pill. I am all over the place right now, so bear with me..but, I really think something is wrong with me. It is possibly the birth control I'm on...it's new and I think there is a very real chance it is making me crazy. I'm going to try and switch soon. Other than being INSANE with anger these days, I have also been crazy hungry like, ALL the time. It's actually pretty annoying. I eat. A lot. And still I feel like I am never satisfied. It's really very strange...since just a few weeks ago I would eat like, half a sandwich and feel super full. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?! I don't know. I also have to pee constantly. I realize these are not life threatening symptoms...but they are rather annoying and I would like to get back to my regular, only crazy every now and then life. Oh yeah, and I'm super tired pretty much all the time, even after sleeping for the recommended 7-8 hours. Don't make no sense.

But anyways, here is why I'm angry: Stupid buttface girl that we interviewed as a potential roommate has now backed out on us and we are back to square one. And yes, I realize this kind of thing happens all the time and I need to get over it but I've taken it personally. And this is why I think there is something wrong with me. I should probably shrug my shoulders, say her loss and get the fuck over it. But I just can't let it go. I am super angry towards her right now. I also REALLY REALLY don't want to go back to the drawing board to figure out who is going to move in. Honestly, if it could just be me and Liz...that would be awesome. Expensive..but awesome. Then I could make the third room my office/study/whatever else I feel like doing in there. And I don't need either of those things since I don't bring work home or study for anything...but it would be nice to feel important and rich enough to have such a room. But, that is not happening so we HAVE to find a third person and right now our only options are bagpipes boy and random boy we can't actually meet because he is in PA. DAMMIT.

Oh, and I was mad this weekend because it was supposed to be Tropical Storm weather, but instead it was freaking beautiful. I know, and it's like, wtf jacky, why are you mad? But that really just started it off. I was slightly irritated because I had all these rainy day plans and then they got all F-ed up with the nice weather, but I still had to do them but really I just wanted to go to the beach. Then my nose ring fell down the sink and I had to buy this weird one from Claires...just having to go to Claires actually was annoying. And I also spent the day fabric shopping with my mom and that made me want to hurt someone. She and I do not have the same taste in decorating and she thinks everything I suggest is stupid and will look ugly. She also thinks she is an expert...which she kind of is since that was her job for a while..but whatever. I felt bad though because and my step dad were being nice and helpful...but I really just wanted to go to the damn beach. Not reupholster a silk screen.

I need to move on. I have things to look forward to. Dinner with someone awesome on Friday. A weekend with people I love. And, this is far off..but I'm going to see "WICKED" next month! SO PUMPED! I've already seen it once, but I am just as stoked about seeing it again. It's wicked awesome people...you should see it too.

Also, we had soccer practice again yesterday and it actually went kind of well. I don't have any idea what I'm doing, but I think I do a pretty good job of faking it. Except there was this one kid that was super annoying and I kept telling him to be quiet and I wouldn't let him be goalie because he kept asking. So yeah, then after practice JC tells me he is slightly autistic. He forgot to mention that after speaking with his dad. So JC was off coaching our other team and I was being mean to the autistic child. I SUCK. Things that would have been helpful to know YESTERDAY (The Wedding Singer? Am I right here? I'm bad with movie quotes).

So I'm going to try and just get over myself...but be advised not to send bad news my way or I might break something. Like your face. You have been warned.

Later dudes.

Lame

What?! Has it really been since August 20 since my last post? So sorry dear readers...but really, it's because nothing interesting has been going on. It's really quite sad. I wish I had something fun and exciting to report...but I got nothing. So I guess I'll ramble about nothing since I'm pretty good at it.

Oh, in case you were worried...my sister is going to move into the house. Actually, she already has. Last night was night two of the sister move-in and so far, so good. She was a little pushy when we went grocery shopping, as well as about me cleaning up, but I think I set her straight. I was super tired, so I was not really in the mood for shopping or cleaning, even though she clearly was. Also, for some reason, she is now under the impression that we should do all our grocery shopping together and have joint meals all the time...but I just don't think that is going to work. I am too lazy to cook all the time and we don't really have the same tastes. We are still in the process of looking for a third roomie. We have talked to a few people and are going to make a decision by Friday. I'm a little nervous cause you never know what you're going to get when you let a perfect stranger move into your house, so we'll see. I am excited though because now the house looks nicer (and cleaner!) AND we are getting cable and internet! Hooray! I will finally be connected the outside world once again. And I'll be able to write this from home and not from work, where I don't think my creative jucies really flow freely.

Hurricane Hanna is headed this way. Get your windows boarded up people, and head for the hills. Honestly, and I'm going to straight to hell for this, but I kind of hope it hits. Not because I want to see Charleston destroyed or flooded, but beacuse it would mean another 3 day weekend! And, a three day work wee! And how fabulous would that be?! Super fabulous. I know, I know..that is awful of me..but I'm really sick of working and I am not sick of weekends, so it would be a perfect trade-off. Fingers crossed for Hanna. Maybe just a small Hanna...not a big, scary Hanna. We don't need a Hugo repeat.

I had a bunch of other stuff ready that I was going to ramble about, but I've forgotten what the topics were, so I think I'll just shut up instead.

Later dudes.

Satiny Smooth

Oh me, oh my. Lots has happened since my last post. Lots of not so fabulous things, sadly. My life is slowly but surely unraveling at the seams and I am spinning off into the unknown. Ok, so not quite that dramatic..but things have been sucking pretty bad lately. But there is a bright spot in all of this that ties the title in (oh my, look at all that awesome alliteration!), so just wait. I am going to complain first and then I'll get to the good stuff. That is how I roll..I want to end on a good note.

Ok, so first off-work is kind of sucking lately. It's been really slow and I hate when it's slow because I get bored. There are only so many internet sites I can look at before I go crazy. Besides, I get fussed at for being on the internet and not working...but if it's slow, there is nothing to do but look at the internet. A horrible catch-22 (I'm reading that book right now) if you ask me. There are only so many times I can clean the office and re-organize the back room. I also don't like getting fussed at. It seriously pisses me off...and it's especially frustrating when it's my dad...then it gets super personal. But I will say that things are slightly better now that we hired some people to help me out. Me not having to do all the testing is wonderful...now I just get to yell at the crazies and don't actually have to deal with them the whole time. And having people say, "let me ask/get my manager," and then coming to ME is pretty awesome.

Next up, the housing sitch (that is short for situation, fyi). The house was pretty much going fabulously, short of some minor issues involving a dirty kitchen and an extremely dirty bathroom. It is (was) great because I'm not on the lease, I like and trust my roommates (even if they are dirty), it's a great location, and it's super cheap. Problem comes in last week when my roomies inform me that they are moving back in with their parents (they are brothers) to save money. Which is fine...only they want to leave by the end of the month. Which, last week was 2 weeks...and is now just a week and a half away. This puts me in a difficult situation. I really really REALLY don't want to move. Like I said, great location and there is no way I'm going to find somewhere this great for this price. So now what? I don't really want to find new roomies off craigslist because that is sketchy. I seriously don't want to move back home...even though that would make the most sense because I would save money. But, I would also probably kill someone. So you have to consider that. There is a possibility that my sister could move in...but that could prove to be horrible since sometimes I want to punch her in the face. She gets aggravating. So, what to do? I still haven't really figured it out. I am kind of avoiding it because I get frustrated...but that is really stupid of me since my time to make a decision is running out. So, dear readers, if you or anyone you know would like to relocate to the fabulous Mt. Pleasant (only 10 minutes to the beach!) for an extremely low price, let me know! I gotta figure this shit out!

Ugh. So that sucks and has been weighing me down lately. BUT-now for the good/funny news. I went to Atlanta this weekend and had a very fabulous time. I got taken out to a fancy restaurant for my birthday and then got to go salsa dancing. The combo of good food and dancing is fabulous since it is two of my favorite things...it got even better when we went home and....went to sleep! My first love. I also got to see people I love and miss a lot, so that was also nice. So here is where the title comes in. Silly boy(hopefully you know who I'm talking about) is moving into a new house and needs new sheets. Boy goes to Ross (good choice!) to purchase some nice sheets at a nice price. Can't go wrong with Ross, right? WRONG. Boy comes home with SATIN sheets. Seriously. Who buys satin sheets? Oh wait, it gets better. Boy buys TWO sets of them! One in black, and one in a lovely copper color. Oh, still gets better. Guess who makes these folds of satiny goodness. Ralph Lauren? No.... Tommy Hilfiger? Nope! Drum roll....Playboy! Yay, so now, sleeping in these black, satin, Playboy sheets, I feel like a whore. And I also feel very hot and clammy because satin sheets do not breathe or absorb moisture AT ALL. It just traps it there beneath the comforter, allowing you to roast while sleeping. Also, if you move your head slightly, your pillow goes flying off the bed because everything is so slippery. The only fun part is seeing how far you can make things slide...like cell phones.

So, that's all. It was a fun/funny weekend and I had to come back home to my lame/uncertain life and it sucked a lot. So I'm planning another trip to Atlanta very soon. Mainly so I can sleep in the sheets again, I'm not going to lie. You know you're jealous. Visit your neighborhood Ross...maybe you can buy a set of your very own!

Ciao people.

oh my my, oh hell yes

That is the first thing that popped in my head (the title). Doesn't really mean anything...in case you were wondering.

Man, I know it's been awhile beloved readers. And I apologize. But, nothing really exciting has been happening lately. Well, except for my awesome 80s party...which kicked ass. Seriously, I had a blast. Mainly because I was pretty drunk. But also because lots of my amazing friends came and we had a fabulous time. There was laughing, dancing, beer ponging...and then creepo at the end of the night. There were two random guys left at the end of the night that would not leave...even after everyone else had gone to bed. The only people were left were me, Katrina and Carter...and we didn't even know their names! We had to run off to bed to get them to leave. It was weird. But other than that freako...it was great fun.

So, other than that...life has been pretty same old, same old. We got two new workers at the pee farm. The girl is pretty cool..but the guy just started and he is kind of driving me crazy...and it's only been two days. He just doesn't seem to be catching on as quickly as I hoped. I'll keep you updated though. I'm hoping things will get better.

No more serious threats to get sued though. Just lots of crazy people with stupid and annoying questions and complaints. So, good times as always.

Hm, well I'm headed to Atlanta this weekend. So that should be fun. Sorry I'm so lame today, but I am just not feeling it right now. But I did want to put something out there so my devoted fans didn't get worried. I'll be back in full swing soon people...just you wait.

Ciao ciao :)

All my life's a circle...

Hm, tear for the circle song(s). Both from Camp Cherokee where I went as a camper (and did a small stint as a counselor) and from Camp Greenville...where I was a counselor and we sang Joni Mitchell. Which was strange..but still good times. And they were two different songs, in case you were curious. Aw man, I miss camp. Pretty much my favorite times ever. Sigh.



So moving on, the circle song fits this blog because I feel like I have come full circle from when I first began. Because I have a crazy to talk about from the pee farm! Two actually! And that is why I (re)started the blog in the first place...to talk about the crazy/interesting people I encounter. But then they started tapering off, so I moved on to other random, ridiculous subjects. Also, I am back to looking for a job, which also had kind of tapered off but is not back in full force (still taking suggestions should my faithful readers have any).



Ok, so apparently the pee farm is going to get sued and we are all going to lose our jobs (as is everyone at DSS) by not one, but two people! I know! You ask, what on earth did you possibly do to screw up that bad that TWO people hate you and wish that you get fired. Well, obviously we are out to get them and deliberately messed up their test so they showed up positive INSTEAD of negative like they were supposed to because they...."never done did drugs in their WHOLE life." Hahaha, sound familiar? If you're a good reader, it will. If not, do some backtracking and get back to me. Also, these people have not only NEVER done the drugs but they HATE drugs. HATE EM! Would never touch or go near them and don't even hang out with people that do. So, how all that cocaine got into their system, I have no idea. But I guess I better figure out quick, or it'll cost me my job! Haha! Not really though, so don't get all anxious and concerned for me (as I know you were headed) because we don't even do the test here at the office, so if anything, those jerks at the laboratory are going down. In fact, as the crazy man put, "those people that do the test must be on crack cause I don't do no crack." So yeah, watch out lab tester, people are on to you. And while the man was amusing, the crazy woman was even better. She was fired up, let me tell you! And she was not pleased with me or Brad (my coworker) because we were "lying on her" and didn't want her to get her daughter back. I'm like, ok, first off lady, all I do is report the results...I don't test the hair or just arbitrarily decide whether or not people are positive...I just send the results that are sent to me. Secondly, I have no knowledge of why you're involved with DSS, so I didn't know, nor do I care whether or not you get your daughter back. And I hate to be rude, but the way this lady was acting, she didn't need to be any one's mama. And if she wasn't on drugs like she insisted, then she needed some other kind of help because she was acting some kind of crazy. Also, she peed all over the floor. Seriously. Who does that? And, my personal favorite...she accused Brad of lying to her and telling her that the hair test took 2 weeks to come back when it really only takes 2-3 days. And that doesn't make any damn sense because a.) Brad knows it only takes 2-3 days and wouldn't say it took 2 weeks b.) I'M the one that did her hair test, so I would have been talking to her about it and c.) what the hell difference would it make anyways? Two weeks later, she still would have been positive. Also, she called her case worker and was like, bitching her out and going on and on about how she was going to get her fired and all this and then at the end she's like..."God bless you. Have a blessed day. Bye." So funny.

All in all, people are crazy. It's funny. More to come later.

A lot of brown bread is just white bread colored brown

Um, so I'm a retard and don't know how to upload the actual video to this thing, so here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMBXJ9I3pJM

Please enjoy.

Also, I don't believe that is how that woman makes bread. Her coat is way to heinous for her to score a man like that baking bread for her.

I hope you go to fart and accidentally shit your pants instead

Oh goodness, how crude and disgusting is my title?! But seriously, I think my audience (of 2...possibly 3) will appreciate it. At least I hope they do, otherwise I'll be down to zero readers...how sad would that be? But just to be on the safe side, here is a disclaimer: This blog is slightly gross. Read no further should you have a weak stomach or would rather not think about bodily functions at this time. Scroll down to the stars and you will be spared. Thank you.

So anyways, Sarah's blog (http://sarah-hot.blogspot.com/) got me thinking about farts. And how I've always thought they were the funniest thing ever. And I mean ever. Sometimes, other things make me laugh really hard...but farting does it every time. Think about it. It's always funny. It's universal...two people that don't even speak the same langauge can laugh about a fart. Nothing is funnier. I mean, other stuff is funny...like falling. But, what if someone (or you) fell and farted at the same time? Hysterical! It never fails! I mean, I realize I am gross for laughing and I kind of fail at being a girl for thinking it's funny and not disgusting (seriously, Katrina hates me for it), but I just can't help it. I've always thought I was missing a few girl genes anyways. Not important ones like boobs or anything, don't worry. Just minor things like thinking burps and farts are funny, actually liking video games, and not wanting to have babies. Small potatoes.

The title of the blog refers to sharting, though. That is an entirely different matter. Again, I'm disgusting, but for some reason, this subject has been coming up a lot lately. Sharting, for anyone that doesn't know, is just what my title says. When you think you are going to fart and a little more comes out instead. It's actually not all that funny. Well, it's not funny until you have distanced yourself from the actual event, have had time to come to terms with it, and are comfortable enough to tell the story to someone else. I haven't really come to terms with my story yet...so I'm not going to share. I will say it was horrible though. I cried a little. I am hoping it never happens again. I have been told other people's stories, however, and those were funny. So I have hope that one day mine will be amusing as well. Not today. And as far as me wishing it upon someone else (like the title says), I didn't really say that to anyone. Rather, someone said it to me. I know, awful right?! But he was just kidding, no worries. It was the only line an email and to this day, it cracks me up. I've gotten some pretty awesome emails in my day (including ones with poetry from the fabulous Sarah), but that one remains my favorite.

So, in summary, yay farting, boo sharting.

****************************************
Ok, so this is the not gross portion of the blog. Not too much to report here, sadly. Had a terribly lame last week and weekend. Seriously, you might think your weekend was lame, but mine consisted of reading, sitting outside (by myself..not even at the beach), doing laundry, more reading, more laundry, and sitting at the beach with my grandparents, mom and stepdad, and uncles. No one under 40. I am so awesome. But whatever, because the next two weekends are going to be awesome and will hopefully make up for what this past one lacked.

Oh, and last night I got called a "perfect little bitch" by my uncle. I know, so nice right? Granted, I was being kind of bitchy..but he was still a little out of line. Esp since I wasn't even a bitch to him, I was a bitch to his partner. Who, instead of talking to me about the problem, decided to go upstairs and pout. I mean, how old are you? Right. So anyways, I felt bad because I kind of put a damper on my grandparents FIFTY SECOND wedding anniversary (more about that later), but I apologized so I think all is well. At least my grandparents seemed ok and I don't really care about the other two, so whatever. My mom decided to yell at me as well, but again, whatever. She'll get over herself. Also, I know I can be a bitch..but I am far from perfect. Come on now, let's at least be realistic.

But yeah, my grandparents have been married FIFTY TWO freakin years! How insane is that? Hm, I feel kind of bad about lumping this information in with farting and sharting, but what can you do? Anyways, I can't even begin to imagine being married to someone for that long. It's complete madness. I can't even imagine being that old! Or being married at all! And they are still kickin too....both of them are healthy and alert and live on their own. It's pretty awesome. And this is awesome too...this week, they are going to Texas to visit my grandmother's college roommate! I think that is so cool. I really hope Mary and I will be visiting each other when we are super old and have been married for a long ass time. Well, maybe she will...when I'm 75 I'll either not be married at all..or will have only been married for like, 25 years, haha.

Ok, I think I've covered enough random topics for one blog. Oh! One more thing: http://icedcocofashion.blogspot.com/
Yet another fabulously funny website to make fun of celebreties and the stupid ways they spend their money. (Thanks Kami!) Enjoy! :)

Ciaoooooo!

My Bucket List

So, guess what I just watched...."The Bucket List!" Gee, how did you ever guess? Yeah, so I'm sure I'm just like every other person that saw that movie and then was like, hmmmm...I wonder what my bucket list would be. Honestly, other than travel anywhere and everywhere...I couldn't come up with very much stuff. I think I am already on the right track though. I read one once that was in a magazine and was geared towards women, and I had already done most of the stuff...get a tattoo, cut all your hair off, go skydiving, live in another country...check check check. There was other stuff too, but some of it was pretty lame. I did come up with a pretty lengthy list of places I want to visit, but I decided a bucket list can't all be about going places. I need stuff to do as well. So I also added "have a one night stand" and "go on a cruise." Yeah, I'm feeling pretty shallow these days apparently because I really couldn't come up with anything else. I also want to do the Peace Corps as well, so I guess that balances things out a little. Hm, I also think I want to get my writing published one day. So maybe my list isn't so bad after all. Anyone else have anything cool they want to do? I always steal other people's good ideas though, so keep them to yourself if you don't want it added on to my list as well. I have no shame when it comes to bucket list theft. I've never really had any goals for myself or my life...no direction really so I'm not that surprised that I have so few bucket list items. The ones in the movie were ok..but not really things I would want to do. Maybe drive a race car instead of a mustang or whatever, but everything else (kiss the most beautiful girl in the world) would not make my list.

Um, so in other news...I am back to working at the pee farm solo these days. So far, it really hasn't been that bad. I still hate testing people, but we haven't had any crazies or any especially rude people so I haven't lost it yet. Hopefully Wednesday and Thursday will go smoothly and I'll be set after that. We have Friday off and hopefully we will hire someone to start next week and I will pass all the testing on to someone else. We have been interviewing, and so far everyone seems nice and capable. One guy was way overdosed in cologne though, so that is not going to to work because I seriously couldn't breathe while he was in here. I was kind of hoping to hire a hottie, just to make things interesting, but I don't think that is going to happen since only about 4 guys have replied and like, 30 girls have. And they are all mainly older people and we all know I don't do older. Well, maybe we all didn't know that, but we do now.

Softball is going well. There is one girl I would really like to hit in the face, but she rarely shows up for games, so it's all good. When she does I just stick her in the outfield. We had a game yesterday and only had 4 girls show up at first (eventually 3 more came), but it's aggravating because I mean, if you sign your kid up for something, you need to make sure they participate! It's not that hard people! Actually, I wouldn't know, it probably is really hard to have kids and make sure they are where they are supposed to be at the right time. But, that is why I'm not having kids...way to much hassle.

Hm, well other than that, nothing exciting going on. I am super pumped about 4th of July fireworks though! Something to look forward too! And, planning the 80s birthday bash as well...I need to get started on that....

Ciaooooo :)