Silver Lining

Man oh man, I hate being cold. HATE it. I hate a lot of things. Well, hate is a strong word (says my mom), but really, I STRONGLY dislike a good many things. Being cold is very high up on the list. I know I should stop whining and be thankful for all the great things in my life, but it's my blog and I'll do what I want AND I'll do it all day, thank you very much.


So it's like 57 degrees right now in LA. But it's windy, so it feels more like -36 degrees, which is completely unacceptable. Cold also makes me embarrassingly lazy. My room, well bed really, is the only warm place and I just don't like to leave it. Now, I can do a lot of things from my bed, like read, talk on the phone, use Skype, post on my blog, facebook stalk and think about what else I should be doing with my life. Unfortunately, I cannot do the following: take showers, go to the bathroom, cook dinner, work out, grocery shop, or go to work. This is all very depressing because it means I have to leave the warmth of my bed, venture out into the freezing world and get shit done. However, this morning my co-worker justified me spending all this time in bed, so I might not leave for another month or so. I've had a cold now for about a week and she said the best way to get better was to rest. I want to get better, so rest it is! I already knew this, but it's always nice to hear someone else verify it.

That is my silver lining. Being cold means I have a cold, which means I have an excuse to stay nice and warm in my bed as much as possible. It also means...CHRISTMAS LIGHTS! And Christmas candy! And Christmas MUSIC! And decorations! And presents!!! Yaaayyy! I love the holidays so much. I put lights up in my house, then I ran out onto the street and admired them for a good 5 minutes. Then I got cold and ran back inside, where I sat in the dark so I could fully appreciate the lights. My next goal is to get a tree and decorate the hell out of it. I'm sad because I have SO much Christmas stuff at home, but didn't bring any of it here with me. I *strongly dislike* having to but more of what I already have, just not with me. Ya heard?

And for some more silver lining, I am getting really excited about the life plans I have been forming. I think 2011 is going to be hella good. 2010 has been pretty freaking awesome, so I'm hoping to build on that goodness and go forth and prosper. It'll take some planning, but I can do that from my cozy bed nest! It's also going to take some cash money, but I'm working on that plan as well. Donations are, as always, welcome with open arms.

Also, my dad and sister are coming to visit next week! Hoooraaaayyyy!!

Now, if everyone would just SHUT THE HELL UP about saying "Merry Christmas" vs saying "Happy Holidays," and it would stop being cold, everything in my world would be fine and dandy.

Dream big people!

Icky

I'm not feeling well. Frowny face. And when I don't feel well, I turn into quite the whiny pathetic mess. I feel the entire world is out to get me and I just cannnn'tttttt understaaaaannndddddd WHY anyone would want to bring me down in my time of need.

Examples:

1. The weather. It's sooo cold. It's 52 degrees right now! In November? WHY LA?

Now. I know this isn't that bad. There is snow on the ground in other parts of the country. However, at home, in Charleston, it's like 75. Not fair. Also, I'm sick and have to walk everywhere AND my house has no heat. Someone call the WAAAAmbulance! Make it pick me up and take me somewhere warm!

2. I ate an apple for breakfast. The apple was MUSHY! Uggghhhh, I HATE mushy apples! Albertsons, why would you sell me a mushy apple when you know I'm sick?? And I thought you were the better grocery store. I have been forsaken.

3. Pandora. OMG, you are playing Coldplay which is waaayy to melodramatic and whiny for me to be listening to right now and I already used up all my skips! FUCK! I'm SICK Pandora! Are you trying to run me in the ground???? (Update: It followed that with RENT and the Outfield, so I'll get over it. But you are on thin ice Pandora) (Another update: is currently playing "Part of Your World." ALL is forgiven. Carry on)

4. The Internet. Why must you throw all these things I don't want to see in my face? Get Jake and his rom-com off my screen, I can't handle seeing him with other women. It's too painful and I'm not strong enough in my sick state.

5. Office building. I am sick. And I want to be warm. Is this so much to ask office? Can't you warm the fuck up? The heat is one but I don't feel it. Booooo, hisssss!

6. Emergen-C. Why are you so disgusting? I am just trying to get some extra Vitamin C and you insist on making the experience as unpleasant as possible. Can't you just taste like cream soda or something else delicious? Sigh.

Ok, enough whining for now.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! I won't be with my family :( :( :( But a friend invited me to her family's dinner so I won't be lonely. Hooray friends! And I'm making apple pie which always makes me happy.

Dream big people!

A Day in the Life

Soooo, I have been inspired from all the fun stuff over at http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/, and have created a Paint interpertaion of one day in my life as well. I don't know if this is legal, stealing ideas like this, but I'm giving credit and hopefully no lawyers are reading this. If you are, please just tell me before you sue me and I'll take it down.

This day happened a couple weeks ago. It's also kind of a mash up of days. And may not make any sense. I tried to be as realistic as possible. Enjoy!

Hooray coffee! (sometimes)

Uninspired

Ooooooohhhhh, my goodness gracious.This weekend was ridiculously boring. It was kind of nice to not have anything to do, but it was also kind of lame. I got some shit done...laundry, shopping, TV watching. Nothing exciting. It was really just kind of blah. I don't like being blah. I also don't like being angry and I spent a lot of time this weekend being angry about stupid people that don't respond to my questions. Is it really so hard to shoot a yes, no, maybe so back to me? No, it's not. I am well aware of how much time it takes to send a text/fb message/email so basically people suck. And if you say you are going to do something and then you don't, that sucks too.

On the other hand, I do know some awesome people so life is not a total waste. Jello shots also help things and my fridge is currently stocked full of them for my next drunken adventure.

Friday nights drunken adventure was kind of a bust. I took a whole bunch of jello shots, but nothing interesting came of that. I hate that. Getting drunk with uninteresting results is one of my least favorite things ever. Seems like such a waste. And now I'm hungover and it was all for nothing. I did get some free jewelry, so that's a plus. The two weren't related, but it was the same evening. The girl I was on Ellen with sells jewelry and she has been asking me for a long time to host a party. So I finally did. There was a pretty poor turn out because most everyone I know in LA kind of sucks a little bit (except for my co workers, they are awesome) but it was still fun. It also gave me an excuse to buy extremely delicious cupcakes so I was pleased.

In other news:

I am pissed I can't download free music anymore. I'm poor, iTunes and the musicians who's music I would like to download are not. Cut me some slack. And $1.29 is ridiculous for one song. Let me know when it goes on clearance. Apple irritates me.

Boys are dumb. This is nothing new. I was just reminded this weekend.

I am also upset there is no Wal-Mart nearby. WHERE am I supposed to buy cheap ass Christmas decorations? The 99 cents store failed me horribly and now I'm sad. I need Christmas lights and I just cannot pay over $5 for them, I'm sorry.

Ross is awesome. (The store. I only know one person named Ross and he is not awesome. Super hot, but not awesome.)

That's it really. Sorry this post sucks. I am going to see Harry Potter tomorrow (hopefully) and not ONLY am I BEYOND thrilled, but I am also CERTAIN it is going to get my creative juices flowing one again. Stand by.

Dream big people!

My life, in cartoon form

Sometimes, this is how I feel. Sad. I try really hard and I want people to like me and call me and do fun stuff with me. But they don't and it sucks.

BUT SOMETIMES! I feel like this:

Because sometimes, people are awesome, food is tasty and life is good.

Today is a weird combination of the two. Hoping for some more magic sparkles though. Am I bipolar? I hope not.

Also, I found these new websites and they are totally hilarious:

www.catalogliving.net and www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com (<--that is where the second picture came from. The first is from A Simple Apology....not sure if I'm allowed to share stuff, but I put the source, so it's legit. Right? Hope so)

Go forth and laugh.

Dream big people!

LIVE! From LA!

Would be better if it were LIVE! FROM NEW YORK! But I'm not in New York, so here we go.

But for real! I'm trying something new. It's called live blogging. I've heard of it but I haven't really learned the logistics, so I don't know if I'm doing it right. So my version is, I'm watching Glee and making remarks about it here, for your reading pleasure. It will literally be stream of consciousness typed out while I'm watching. You are welcome!

[Afterthought: this might not make any sense unless you've seen the show and/or are watching while reading. Sorry. But it was fun for me! Also, there are commercial comments as well...they are in parantheses]

Herrreeee we go!

Whoa, what, the ex wife is back? Nooo. I don't like her.

Monkey flu? That doesn't sound fun.

Ohhh, SICK!!

Best I just got sneezed on face ever! Aw, Shuesters face isn't as good.

Perks of being a high school teacher? I think not. There are none.

Aw, cute kids! Yay! The whole episode should be like that! Too bad these kids can't really act. It could have been really funny.

These two can NOT get back together. Crazy lady, STEP BACK. I don't even like Shuester that much, but I hate her. Baby talk makes me want to vomit. Bitch, don't even act like you are so great because you remember his favorite movie.

SHUT UP Rachel! Wow, I hate her sometimes! I apparently hate a lot of people.

Gay date for Kurt! Yay! "We know how lonely you've been." Ouch. I mean, they are in high school. Soo lonely. Please. Talk to me in five years.

Tater tots sound gross when they're being poured.

And yet some more hatred...sorry Gwyneth (sp?), don't like you either. You and your website is annoying.

Umm, are we serious? Conjunction junction in high school? Who are those back up singers?

You smell homeless. HAHAHAHAHA. Kurt, I love you.

Oooo, love Artie too. He thinks he's gangster. Oh, what the hell?

Holly Holiday? For reals?

Wait, Brittany might be my favorite. Field trip to Taco Bell? YES PLEASE. Medical grade marijuana? Lady, you are a teacher! Set an example.

Kurt, 80s music is fantastic. You shut your face.

Ok, really don't like when old people try to be hip. Also, Forget You is just NOT as fantastic as Fuck You. Nice try. Oooh no, you did not just do the robot.

Liking Gwyneth less and less. Not sure how that is happening. Never thought I would be on the same page as Rachel cause she is annoying as shit.

Cee-Los whiny WHHYYYS are way better.

Let's go get some Tacos! Lame. Only redeemed because Taco Bell is actually awesome.

(Vampire Weekend in a commercial! Yay! Still pissed I missed that concert.)

Athletes foot medicine comes in spray form?

Seriously, how would anyone let Sue be principal?

Beastie for the win!

Do people EVER go to class at this school?

This is clearly a dream sequence. Is Mr. Shue wearing Air Force Ones?

Walking on a piano can't be good for it. Oh, I think they are just white Chucks.

The more Asian kid dancing, the better.

I'm kind of confused now. What is going on. This is not making me laugh.

Therrrreee we go. It's a dream.

You can't understand Rachel! Hooray!

Hoarders and Red Wine doesn't sound that fun. To me.

Kurt, you better check yourself! Dissing Mercedes is not cool. Oh, and now the tots are gone. M is NOT going to be pleased. Throwing them away is so completely wasteful.

Sue just called her Ja-kay. Like the lady from Sister Sister! Yes. Not sure how you really spell that.

Richard Nixon...not sure he had the people's best interest in mind.

A toilet brush? Family of gummy bears. Awesome.

(Love and Other Drugs looks kind of lame. But I do like Oliver Platt...The Big C is so good! And Jake is soo fine. I am so bitter about him and Taylor. I refuse to believe it's real.)

(Adoraboots are super ugly.)

(Sorry American Idol, you are not going to convince me to watch you with this sappy music. My dreams are not coming true with you because I can't sing. Lame.)

(TrueMoo...good name.)

(I wonder if the LA Bank of America commercial airs everywhere or if there are different ones for all over the US. Anyone? Thoughts on this? Have you seen the LA BofA commercial?)

Miss Holiday, you cannot tell people they suck! Even if they do!

Righteous? For real? I reallllly don't like her. Un-pop that collar right now.

There are good 80s bands other than Journey, Mr. Shue.

That is a stupid catch phrase.

NOOOOOO. GET BACK DEVIL WOMAN! Shuester, NO! Do not talk about yourself in third person as a BABY. Jesus, can't handle it. DON'T take your shirt off!

Shit.

Ew, she just kissed Menthol rub. NOOOOO. Stop kissing! Ugh, I hope she gets sick and dies.

Anthony is cute! Are high school kids on Google search? Scary.

Um, yeah right. Tots revolution?

How come sometimes they eat outside and sometimes in the cafeteria?

YESSSSS! Chicago! Still hate you Gwen. But awesome robe. Even though you look like a slut. You are a TEACHER! What in the world? She's got some pretty loose morals for a high school substitute teacher.

When did they have time to learn all this? In the past hour? Doesn't she have class to teach? Doesn't Rachel have class to go to? I wonder if she is all crazy about her grades too. Maybe she would be if she ever WENT TO CLASS!

And now they have guns. Those would not be allowed. Who is their lighting guy? Glee, you are completely unbelievable. I know, it's a TV show.

The hair jokes never get old. Just kidding. They do. But his hair is pretty silly.

Noooo! Figgins got fired? Sadness.

I don't think you can arbitrarily fire teachers like that. Don't they have contracts or something?
Who cares?

(Tron looks dumb.)

(Why would a giant have a job at a grocery store? He needs to be outside.)

(I love those Puffs commercials.)

Double date! Precious. hahaha. Oh wait. Where is her date?

You want some tots? Umm, yeah, let me just whip some up at this Italian restaurant I work at. Sooo glad I'm not a waitress anymore. Dear Jesus, please don't even make me be a waitress again.

These kids feel special? Get a grip.

I tweet them about it. Stupid. So glad I'm not working in a high school.

Bitch!

Uh oh, M just got schooled. Please school H too! Yes! Berets ARE out. Tracksuits are IN!

("Total Shock" says girl engaged to Prince William. "Yeah right" says girl that should have been engaged to Prince William.)

Expensive beer...totally legit reason to drop in on people. Stop crying loser.

Cameo is totally scary. She has humongous nostrils. Sadly, a student punching a teacher is not the most unbelievable part of this show.

SHUE, you are making horrible lady choices. Don't flirt with her!

Porn star or drag queen? YES. Well, H just scored a point with me for calling Teri (Terry?) a bitch.

Sorry, Teri, you gotsa go. Don't come back. EVER. Somehow I don't think he's going to regret it. Unless she stuffs tater tots up his tail pipe.

Lacar!

Actually, I don't think they have tots in jail. I don't know though. Maybe.

Gooo get em M! Snag that Anthony.

Eesh, that jock kid is scary. I don't know how to spell his name.

Surprise! Shue gets his job back. TOTALLY didn't see that one coming. (Sike)

The under flaps of my breasts, ohhhhh my god.

The Mr. Shue love is a little excessive. Brittany for the win!

Craigslist shout out, holla! Reminder: check Missed Connections for true love.

Gin and juiicccce.

Ok, I do like bi polar rants. One point for crazy H. Only one though.

Oh yeah, no problem, we'll just cover the stage in water. Maintenance won't mind. Rain coming down in the back? Sure thing. Wasting water! This is the episode of wastefulness.

Why are the teachers singing with them? They aren't allowed to do that at sectionals. And they are like, the stars! I thought it wasn't supposed to be about them.

God, I hate that umbrella song. Make it stop.

How is their hair not getting wet at all? I would not like doing this dance. I hate when I get my feet wet when I'm wearing socks and shoes. Seriously, worst feeling ever. And it takes fooorreever to dry.

I think this wedding is going to be AWESOME. Can't wait!

Annnnnnd SCENE!

Ok, um, so this is crazy long. I'm doubting most of you made it to the end. But if you did, congratulations! This was fun. I think I did it wrong, but maybe I'll make it a thing. Thoughts?

Dream big people!

A Rant

You know what REALLY pisses me off? Like, really really REALLY bad?

Fucking commercials. Especially fucking bullshit sexist commercials that pander to women about the stupidest shit ever and expect us to be happy about dumb ass shit AND expect us to do fucking everything.

First up: cleaning products. WHY do the stupid dad and son get to have fun, act like idiots and slide bowls of salsa back and forth across the counter? First off, who the fuck does that? Salsa is for eating, not sliding across counters. In walks mom just as the salsa bowl hits the chips bowl and splashes all over the nice clean counter! Oh hahaha says mom! No worries! I'm soooo thrilled because I have these fantastic paper towels to clean up the stupid mess my stupid ass husband and son just made! No, please, husband and son, I got this! I'll clean it up ALL by myself even though I'm NOT the one that made the mess. Please, continue sliding perfectly good food back and forth across my nice clean counters. In fact, why don't you grab the broom and the mop and play hockey with some other messy substances across my nice clean floor. And don't even worry if it makes a mess because guess what else I have....a NEWWWWW MOOOPPPPP!!!! And some super awesome other random cleaning product, HOOORRAAAYYYYY!!! My life is SO great because I have all these awesome cleaning products! And, if you get it on your clothes, I can do laundry with my new super fantastic detergent. I have detergent and fabric softener and dryer sheets and OH MY! I am just so thrilled, I can't even stand it. YAY! (side note: the commercial where the mom goes out on the town and gets her daughter's shit dirty is awesome). Why is the dad NEVER helping clean?

Second: The Holidays. Man, all I want to do as a woman is decorate my house! That is what I do with my time. But, y'all, it is SO stressful because I just want to hang up my decorations but I might leave a mark on my walls!! Oh my goodness, whatever can I do about this? Oh, what's that? There are hooks that come OFF the wall without leaving ANY marks? None at all? You can't be serious. Thank you, Jesus, my life is now complete. Now I have time to bake pies and cakes the rest of the food for my family! And clean up the mess from all that cooking. Wooo boy, good thing every woman has a family to take care of.

Third: Cars. Apparently men are the only people that are interested in driving cool, fast cars. The women are obviously all at home cleaning and hanging up decorations, so they don't have any time for driving around in cool cars. When they are finished cleaning, women can only get in minivans and ugly "safe" cars to drive around their kids and.... No, that's it. Kids and cleaning, that is all we are god for.

Four: Reality TV shows. WHOOOO is watching this shit? Are British people the only people with any common sense that know how to raise kids and get jobs? Who cares what real housewives are doing? What makes people from Jersey any more interesting than the rest of this? WHY are we glorifying strippers, pregnant teens and socialites? WHO IS WATCHING THIS SHIT? Seriously.

Five: Make up. I'm soooooo ugly! Make me beautiful make up! I have to get rid of dark circles, wrinkles, unclear skin, droopy eyes, dull cheeks, boring lids, bland lips, stumpy eyelashes and everything that makes me ugly and unattractive to men.

Six: Toilet paper. Are we fucking serious with these people? Bears? Bears do not use toilet paper. And they certainly don't use toilet paper as a precursor to bear sex. Who comes up with this nonsense?

Seven: Credit cards. Credit card corporations are EVIL. Do not pretend that you are on my side and are out to help me. You are not going to be able to help me reach my life goals financially so get out of my face and off my TV.

Eight: Lap Band. Get thin now! The people in these commercials are so terrible.

Annnnd, I'm done. Thank you and goodnight.

If I were a club....

That title is to be sung to the tune of "If I Were A Boy." I'm going to let that sink in.

Ok. But for real. I went to a club last night and I have some suggestions on how things could be improved. Actually, I attempted to go to one club and then went to another instead, so this is about both of them combined. There may also be some comments about how you should act as a club-goer.

First off, do not shut down your guest list at 10:30 if you said it was going to shut down at 11. There is a big difference. And why even shut it down at all? If you're on the list, you should be able to get in whenever you feel like it! People on the list (like me) are important and awesome and your club would benefit from having me inside.

Also, $25 to just get in the club is ridiculous. That is why I didn't go in the first one. Club's loss. But sadly, not really, because there were plenty of other people that were willing to pay that.

Now, if I were to actually open a club, I would put it in a huge ass building. That way, there is plenty of space for walking, dancing, drinking, picture taking, flirting, etc. A tiny ass dance floor at a place created specifically for dancing is not going to cut it. I would literally find the largest space I could and make it into a club. This is in my fantasy world where I have an unlimited source of money and resources. There would be multiple places to sit and anyone can sit wherever they damn please. You would not have to pay a ridiculous amount to have sitting privileges.

I would also have multiple rooms. The more variety of music you have to offer, the better. One room would just be music I like and that is where I would be all the time. But, the other rooms would each be a different kind of music. That way, if a song sucks in one room, you just move on to another until you find your jam.

Also, multiple bars and a hundred million bathrooms. Two stalls is unacceptable. I would also not allow those attendant people in there either. I can get my own paper towel, thank you. I would have mints, condoms and tampons set out for people to take. Again, unlimited budget. I can do what I want.

There would be lots of places to sit down. I would also have a flip flop/flat shoes vending machine where ladies could buy a pair of super cheap but super comfy shoes to put on at the end of the night when their feet are screaming out in pain from the hot but painful shoes they have on. I would also have some sort of locker system where you could put your jacket, purse, extra pair of shoes, etc so you don't have to carry it all around with you while you're trying to get your dance on. And you don't have to pay to hang up your coat.

There wouldn't be a super strict dress code, but you are not allowed to come in if you look way too skanky, like a homeless person or your outfit is just really terrible. I would be the final judge on that.

The drinks would be crazy strong and not crazy expensive. The club would also be attached to a Waffle House/Jack in the Box/Chic-Fil-A/hot dog stand or some sort of food court with all of the above where people could go sober up/drunk eat before they go home.

For people that are too drunk to function or are getting out of control, there would be a recovery room with a cot to take a nap (ONE PERSON ONLY, there will be no scrumping in the recovery room), aspirin, water and calm lighting. You could go take a power nap, or stay for a few hours while you sober back up to acceptable social behavior. There would be a separate place for people needing to throw up.

The bouncers would prevent the following: creepy and ugly men dancing up on unsuspecting girls and not getting the hint to leave. Creepy and ugly men taking creepy pictures of random people while they're dancing. Annoying girls that want to rearrange the dance floor while they take a picture. Crazy people climbing over fences and busting into the club trying to make trouble. People that are super awkward and don't know how to dance. Basically, they would make sure the dance floor is for dancing and not for any other unwanted shenanigans. They would be the CIA of the club world.

Last but not least, my club would not close until 6 in the morning...or maybe ever. I haven't decided. Stupid people would not be allowed inside and no drugs would be allowed. It would be the most amazing club ever in life.

Now, who would like to help me fund this? Donations welcome.

Dream big people!

As seen on Google reviews

"Reception Jaoky, her behavior is far from a normal human being"

So nice to be appreciated :) Also, an excellent start to my morning.

Actually, it did make me laugh. And another student bought me a croissant so it was not a total loss of a morning. I do love me some croissant.

But I mean really. Far from a normal human being? Like, am I an alien? Maybe she meant I was out of this world, as in totally awesome. Probably not, I know exactly who wrote that (she told me she would) and she was definitely not a fan. But, she's not very specific so it's open to interpertation for anyone else that reads it. Thanks crazy lady! Also, you spelled my name wrong so if you could just correct that, I would appreciate it. I don't want anyone getting confused about who exactly you are talking about.

Also, this post-it begs to differ:

I don't feel very much like a tiger

Also hilarious:



I wish a motherfucker would!

All Better

Well, things were sucking earlier. I had haircut remorse like I always do, people were being rude to me at work and it gets dark at 5:00.

Then I watched this and life was so much better.



That face! Oh my god, so hilarious. Thank you Ellen and Tony for turning my frown upside down!

Dream big people!

Pretty Pictures

Yesterday I went to the beach after work yesterday and it was just so lovely. See:

Then I went home, ate dinner, took a shower, and fell asleep. At 9:00. It was a little ridiculous. I guess the sun wore me out, but I laid down after my shower and just could not convince myself to get back up.

And now I'm tired again, so it's off to bed for me. Getting up early to head to San Diego! Sunday I'm doing Race for the Cure and I'm pretty excited! Hoping for some nice beach weather while I'm there and maybe a trip to Mexico! I would like to add it to my list of countries visited.

Sorry this post is so lame. Here is another picture so don't be mad. I'm sure I'll have something interesting to discuss soon enough.

Dream big, people!

These are my confessions...

What a strange day it's been. I think I feel a cold coming on and I am not pleased about it. Doing my best now to get rid of it before it gets out of control.

Things I need to get off my chest:

I am addicted to Slim Jims. I am so disgusted with myself but I just can't stop eating them. Just saying it out loud make me sad for myself. Pretty sure they are giving me heartburn. I just can't stop!

I didn't vote. And I don't care. I know I'm a terrible American, but I don't really get too involved with politics. They make me angry. People are so stupid and narrow minded, I don't really want to waste my time with it all. It's all corrupt, nothing ever gets done and I'm just happy the political ads will not be on TV anymore.

I am getting super T Oooed (in the Kip voice) with people that do not answer me when I ask them questions via technology. I have long struggled with people and their unenthusiasm. I have come a long way, trust me but it still REALLY irritates me when people don't answer my damn questions. At least say no. Fuck, it is NOT that hard!

I am too cheap to get a haircut. My hair looks so ugly right now but I just can't seem to scrape together the energy and cash it would take to do something about it. I'm also considering growing it out but I always consider that and then we get to this stage and I can't take looking at my ugly hair any more and it gets cut off. I'll see how long I can take it.

I am very confused by the Italian. Don't feel like getting into all that right now.

Last but not least: I have been sneaking bites of this really good pie my roommate made out of the fridge. Don't tell her!

That's all. Nothing too scandalous. So tired.

Dream big people!

Struggles

Holy shit people, it's November! When did this happen? I have been in LA for 11 months! Goodness gracious. In the words of McDonald's, I'm lovin it! I have been talking a lot lately about McDonald's, huh? I'll stop.

Oh man, the West Hollywood parade last night was complete madness. I was far to drunk to truly appreciate everything that was going on, but I do remember it being out of control. So many ridiculous costumes! Lots of half naked people, drag queens and just overall nonsense. We bought a screw top bottle of wine and a bag of chips at the grocery store for dinner and wandered around. Then I got suuuper tired (wine has been doing that to me lately, maybe I should switch to liquor?) and was like, oh man, I bet it's sooo late, I should go home! It was 8:30. I went home anyways because I just couldn't handle it. I didn't get sick or anything, but I was struggling. I was sad I missed out on the Time Warp dance-a-thon, but it was either leave or nap in the streets and there was no space for that. So I left. And once again, I am amazing and feel just fine today. Not great, mind you...but not bad considering I was total wasty face for the good part of yesterday. I'm waiting for the day this all catches up to me and kicks me in the ass, but for now, I'm going to ride it out and thank my lucky stars.

I had other things to talk about but my brain just shut down. So more later.

Dream big people! :)

Useless

I have felt so lazy today. I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I have done next to nothing on this lovely Sunday. I haven't been sleeping that well lately. I have been having completely wacked out dreams and woke up uncomfortably early today. Which is such a shame because sleeping in is what I look forward to most on the weekend.

Right now I do not feel like writing this post. I feel like going to McDonald's and getting an iced coffee. I have been craving it like mad. But a lot has been happening lately and I know you people are just dying to find out what that has been. So here we go.

We attempted a pub crawl Wednesday night and I was thinking things would not be that great at school on Thursday. SO WRONG. We had our Halloween party on Thursday and it was beyond fabulous. Almost all of the students dressed up, we carved pumpkins, played games, stuck our hands in random things, it was magical. The best part? I think all the students had a really good time. Success!

And then, Ellen was so far beyond fantastic on Wednesday. I laughed really hard. Then Tony fell off his stool and I laughed even harder. If you missed it, I suggest you figure out a way to watch David Beckham pull a hidden camera prank. It is not only hilarious, but he takes off his shirt so it's eye candy as well. Delicious and nutritious.

Friday I was going to see Betty White at Barnes and Noble but thennnnn, I went and they told me I had to buy her book in order to go meet her. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Betty White. LOVE HER. However, I was really hungry and decided I would buy myself dinner rather than buy her book and stand in the really long line that had already formed. Sorry Betty! Nothing but love! I went home and watched Golden Girls on TV so I'm sure she forgives me.

Friday I also learned that queso fundido is not the same as queso cheese dip like they serve at every Mexican restaurant at home. I have yet to find queso dip here in LA. It's very sad.

Saturday involved some shopping, where I bought these super awesome shoes: [picture currently unavailable]

Then I went to a Halloween party dressed as Blanche from the Golden Girls. Now, I know this looks bad. First, I go blow off Betty for dinner and then I dress up as her friend. I'm sorry Betty! Just know that I have Blanche hair and I have never seen you in a jumpsuit. Season 1, Blanche was definitely sporting a jumpsuit. Please don't be offended.

Anyway, the party was fun. Today I've done nothing and I feel completely useless. But, there is a Rob and Big marathon on and I've got to figure out costume #3 to wear to the Halloween parade in West Hollywood tonight. Pretty excited!! More later on how that went. Going to be part of a record breaking Time Warp dance for the 35th anniversary of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Should be interesting.

Dream big people!

How Rude!

Stephanie Tanner style. Pre-meth addiction.

Ok, so I know I've been a posting fool lately. This new computer is so small and handy, I can take it anywhere and it doesn't take a thousand years to load the internet, so I can just hop on and post something! Basically, what I'm saying, is that you need to say thank you to my new computer for the influx of posts. If my computer could talk, it would say you're welcome (not please). I think my computer needs a name.

Anyway. This post is about common courtesies that I think everyone should have.

1. Putting a new toilet paper on when the old one runs out. It is NOT that difficult.

2. Refilling the water pitcher after you take some water. Get with it, roommates and coworkers.

3. Responding to emails/texts/etc. It's 2010 friends. The turn around time for response is 2-3 days max, even less if the original message demands a response. I know you read that shit.

4. Getting off the bus at the back door. People are trying to get on through the front door. There is a reason there is a back door.

5. Taking your laundry out a reasonable time after it's finished. Other people would like to dry their clothes as well.

6. Closing your door in a quiet manner when others are sleeping.

7. Getting up from your seat when you're sitting in the aisle and the window person needs to get out. Do not make me scoot by! Get your lazy ass up! Oh man, I could make a whole new list for bus etiquette. People are redic.

8. Letting other people that only have a few items go ahead of you when you are buying an excessive amount of bottled water. And/or are writing a check for your purchases. A check? Seriously?

9. Getting off your phone when you are ordering food and/or paying for something. Show some respect.

10. Saying please and thank you. It goes a long way.

I'll stop but I could probably write 50 of these. For now, I'm going to watch Private Practice. I found out yesterday it's taped in Santa Monica, right around where I work. The exterior shot of the building they work in is right on the corner! Super exciting, I know.

Dream big people!

Different Strokes

Last night I met a guy from Illinois and we were discussing how LA is different from the places we are from. Then I decided to do a blog post about it. So here you go.

Most obvious: Driving
Dear god, the traffic here is atrocious. Obviously, being car-less, I don't have to deal with traffic a whole lot, thank GOODNESS. However, I do encounter it on the bus, while riding with other people, and the few times I've driven. It's so ridiculous. And at pretty much all hours of the day and night. People are such bad drivers too, it's insane. And if it's raining, don't even bother. People FREAK out. You almost have to be a crazy person to get anywhere. I know everyone has a place other than where they are from that has the worst drivers, but because there are so many drivers out here, there is a higher ratio of bad to good ones. I think. Also, I think there are just tons of bad drivers all over the place and you really just can't escape them. For me, worst drivers ever: Greece. I literally feared for my life every time I was in a car.

Most annoying: Parking
Again, not my biggest problem since I don't have a car. But pretty much every time I ride somewhere with someone, parking is an issue. You can't park on the street on certain days during certain hours. You can only park for 15 minutes, you have to pay the meter, it's a loading only zone, you can only park if you're going to a certain business, you have to pay $5-20, the list goes on and on. The one that makes me the most mad is this stupid pretentious coffee shop up the street from my house. It has valet parking at all hours of the day, including 6:00 in the morning. WTF?? I guess my country bumpkin mind always assumed valet parking was for fancier places and only at dinner. That coffee shop has a lot of nerve and therefore, I never go in. Also, it's crazy expensive.

Most baffling: Dancing
The scene: Applebees, Jacksonville Florida. Cupid's Shuffle comes on. Literally every single person there rushes to the "dance floor" (this was an after hours Applebees...free drinks for ladies night) and does the dance. Same reaction to every wedding I've ever been to. The Cupid's Shuffle will get people to the dance floor every time.
New scene: Bar in Westwood (where UCLA is). Cupid's Shuffle comes on. NO ONE even bats an eye. NO ONE is doing the dance. I don't even think anyone noticed it was playing. I was most upset. Come on people, it's not hard! It tells you exactly what to do!

Most unacceptable: Food
This is America, dammit! Land of the 18 wheeler and cookie cutter commercialism. I should be able to get the same food here that I get at home. The closest Chic-Fil-A is like, 30 minutes away. Unacceptable. McDonald's is the only place you can get sweet tea. Unacceptable. The closest Cracker Barrel is in Texas and the closest Waffle House in Arizona. UNACCEPTABLE. Also, the seafood out here is really expensive and not even good. Weaksauce, California.

Most annoying, part two: Landlords
Fridge broke in Charleston: Landlord bought us a new one.
Fridge broke in LA: Sorry, not our problem, even though the fridge was here when we got here and we have to leave it here after we're gone. Eastern Europeans come to fix it and are super upset with me when I decline their offer.

That is all I can really think of for now. And don't worry, even with all it's nonsense, I am having a good time in LA and can deal with all it's ridiculousness. I think that is the charm in traveling and living in new places. The things you find stupid about your new place, you can commiserate with other implants and tell locals how much better things are at home. And the things that are better, you can tell everyone at home and make them jealous. It's a win-win! For instance, next week, I'm going to Jimmy Kimmel live with a FREE concert by Huey Lewis and the News! Parking will be a bitch, but it'll be an awesome concert!

Dream big people!

Rose and Thorn II

Rose and thorn (and bud) is going to be my new lazy post for when I'm too tired/lazy/uninspired to think of a title but still feel like sharing. So here we go.

Thorn: the damn fridge broke! Son of a bitch, so everything in the fridge went bad. Including my two bottles of free wine! That is what I'm most upset about. That, and all the food I recently bought. But mainly the wine.

Rose: Successful Skype!!! Yay! Not one, but TWO! Hooray! So good. I love technology. Got to see my cute new second cousin and established myself as his favorite. AND got to chat with another cutie. This one had an Italian accent. Swoooooon. The conversation was so totally ridiculous but I loved every second. And I got to meet his dog, Rocky. SO much cuteness for one morning. It was too much, I had to go back to bed and sleep until like, 2 in the afternoon. Then I went to the grocery store and was delirious from hunger and bought the most random shit. Two apples, sushi, a can of refried beans and a slim jim. WHAT? Now it's dinner and I have no viable options. Stupid.

Bud: Another possible Skype date tomorrow. The fridge back to working. Getting paid next week. HALLOWEEEEEENNNN!!!!

Dream big people! (One day I'm figuring out how to say that in Italian)

Beyond Precious

Here's the deal: I kind of don't really want babies. They seem like a huge pain...they're cute for a while but then they grow up and they're not cute again for a long time, possibly ever. There's a long list of other reasons but I also would really just like to avoid being pregnant. I sat through "The Vagina Monologues" and listened to "I Was There in the Room" one too many times to think that pregnancy was a viable option for my lifestyle. Don't google it, you'll vom.

However.

This:

is making me rethink things. Meet Isaac, newest member of the family and currently the cutest baby in all of the UK. Oh, you don't believe me?

Bam! Denied.

And this:

Makes me think I need a baby and a dog! Not good. I can't afford either. Obviously, I am not saying I'll definitely be having babies in the very far distant future. Maybe I'll adopt one instead and skip over that whole pregnancy nonsense. Or, maybe I'll focus on finding a husband first and just not worry about babies or the possibility of babies for a while.

That might be best.

In other news, I have to do a quick plug, for myself. I have gone out/done something that required me going to bed late and/or involving alcohol every night this week and somehow, I'm still standing. I am not all that tired AND I've managed to look decent at work all week. Basically, I'm awesome and wanted to share. Wednesday night I got an authentic Italian dinner and it was SO good. You're jealous. You're also jealous I have the cutest baby ever in my family. So I'll rub it in your face one last time.

Amazeballs

you paid for my bus ride - m4w: "i was sleeping on the bench and you asked if i was going, i said no i'm broke, you said you would pay for me, so i got on the bus. i was going to follow you home but i didn't know if that would be appropriate. So i'm in the pubic library, typing this on craigslist, maybe you can let me move in with you.
i know how to make pancakes."

How fucking amazing is that Craigslist missed connection? Best one I've ever read, by far.

Umm, let me explain how/why I was looking at the Craigslist's missed connections. It's pretty basic, I went there to look for a second job/try to sell the Rock Band and I got distracted. Someone was talking about missed connections the other day and I thought they would be interesting to read. And they were. Some are so hilarious. Some are a little on the pathetic/creepy side, but they are definitely interesting. I wonder if the people ever connect. I feel like I have heard a story about how missed connections did connect one time and now they're married or something. I don't remember where I saw that. Maybe I made it up, I don't know.

Anyway, I think they're really entertaining and that one above is by far the most fantastic one I've ever read. I love that it kind of doesn't make any sense. Why would anyone wake someone up to ask if they were going? And going where? To get on the bus? Home? To the store? Jeez, why would you say you considered following someone home? Yes, that is totally not appropriate...keep it to yourself! Why not say let's meet or something..moving in with someone is kind of a big step. Take it slow! I do love, however, that the selling point is you know how to make pancakes. That is important in a roommate relationship. I'm assuming, however, that the roommate would be expected to buy all the ingredients to make said pancakes since you couldn't afford bus fare. I'm going to need you to bring something else to the table if you expect to be in a completely co-dependent relationship. Like sausage. I love pigs in a blanket. If that post is legit, then it's totally creepy and would be something to add to my list of reasons why I don't give things to crazy homeless people on the street. If it's fake, good job, funny person.

I know I sound like a heartless bitch by not giving people things but seriously, you just never know! It honestly kind of scares me to interact with the crazies out here. My friend gave someone a handful of change and the recipient got all angry and indignant because the change was mainly pennies! I mean, really? I overheard another man telling a woman offering him food he didn't like whatever he was offering her! Whatever happened to "beggars can't be choosers?" Someone obviously didn't get that memo. Today on the street I saw a guy offering someone clearly down on their luck a doughnut, and that warmed my heart a little but in my head I was all, I would never do that! Sorry crazy homeless people. Once, I gave a quarter to someone because I was on the phone and distracted (a quarter was what she asked for, I wasn't being stingy) but then it got weird because she started popping up literally everywhere I went. Sorry, but I need my quarters for laundry.

Jeeeez, enough about me going on about all the different reasons I'm going to hell! Other than my hilarious find, I didn't have any other luck on Craigslist. I think I'm going to give the missed connections a regular look though. I wonder what I would do if I ever popped up on there. I probably won't, as I never smile at people, but you just never know. I would be pretty torn about responding, I'm not going to lie. I probably wouldn't do it in the end though. Somehow, I think we'll never know. ::Fingers secretly crossed::

In other news, I'm pretty sure our fridge is broken :( Of course I just bought a bunch of frozen food at Trader Joes. DAMMMMIIITTTTT.

Whatever. Dream big people!