Vacation within a Vacation

AKA vacationception!

****DISCLAIMER: My posts have gotten out of control. I'm so sorry. Being unemployed makes me incredibly verbose and I now fancy myself a novelist. I'm sitting in a coffee shop ("Cafe THEWELL") with coffee in a fancy glass listening to Dispatch, so I basically am. It also just started raining so the universe agrees. Think of this less as a blog post and more of a chapter in my autobiography.***

So, I guess I'm technically on vacation here in Korea...and have been on "vacation" since March? I don't really know. It hasn't felt like a "vacation" since I was in America, and now I'm back in Korea, not really doing vacation type things, but I also haven't been working soo.... I don't really know. My life is so strange right now, so I won't even bother trying to label it.

Point is, SY had an actual vacation, days that he was not required to show up at his job where he does work and is given money in return, so we headed down south to a very traditional area of Korea, Gyeongju, and another coastal city, Ulsan. Now, I knew we were going to do these places but I did not, however, know what activities SY had planned for us. And guess what! He didn't plan anything! Was I surprised? Yes and no. Should I have known better? Yes. Was I still angry? YES.

We have had this exact same problem before. I do take half (40/60?) the blame for not remembering last year's vacation fiasco and apparently learning nothing from said fiasco. That was my bad. But, SY seemed so confident when he told me we were down to Gyeongju so I assumed it had a purpose. Silly me. We also foolishly decided to drive instead of take the super fast, super cheap KTX train so we ran into traffic on the way down because all of Korea takes vacation at the same time, to the same place (down south). Three hours turned into five and of course I had to stop every hour for a bathroom/snack break. Luckily Korean rest areas are the best, most entertaining places ever, so that was a plus. Save when SY bought dried squid as a snack and opened it in the car. SO STINKY. He made up for by buying me yummy hodugwaja, red bean filled walnut balls (way more delicious than they sound). Also, I was wearing my awesome new shirt a friend gave me, so I was ready to ride.

That color combo tho

We get to Gyeongju and find the famous Bulguksa temple after a brief spat with the GPS. I did have the good sense to remember that seeing anything interesting in Korea requires a steep walk up a hill, sometimes with millions of stairs, so I was at least ready for that- lightweight clothing, comfortable walking shoes, hair pinned back, bottle of water, good attitude. Though I was prepared, I was still hot as shit. It was crazy muggy...like, Vietnam muggy. Plus, the temple at the top was a little disappointing.

I know I sound whiny, desensitized, disrespectful, whatever, but anyone that has gone temple/church sightseeing in any country knows that after you've seen one or two, you've kind of seen them all. Unless you are just REALLY dying to see "giant golden reclining Buddha atop mountain shaped like tiger," you generally stop taking trips to temples after three years. Or I guess if you're actually religious you keep going as well but we all know I'm not. So, yeah, I was a little upset when we trekked up there and it's the same old temple format he and I have seen together multiple times before. (He is not Buddhist, so I'm not disrespecting his personal beliefs). A google search told me it is one of Korea's seven national treasures AND a UNESCO World Heritage site (they're obsessed with those here), so not a total loss, I guess. However, I got a little grumpy back at the car, for two reason. 1. SY bought a bottle of frozen water, that was not melting fast enough for my liking and 2. There was no plan for the next step. There were some other heritage sights to see, but the next suggestion was a tomb, which are even more boring than temples because in Korea they are generally just mounds of dirt.  VERY IMPORTANT, historical and culturally important mounds of dirt, of course.

I was pretty unenthusiastic about that plan, especially after getting lost yet again, so we decided dinner was a better plan. Did we have a plan for that? NOPE. Did he know where/when/how to get there? NOPE! We were driving around and I jokingly suggested we got the whale museum of Ulsan, but I forgot the number one rule of dating an ESL speaker-NO SARCASM! He thought I was serious, and we drove over this huge ass bridge towards it before I realized what was happening and told him to turn around. He has no sarcasm radar and is also anti-snack, so things were getting a little tense in the car. Hanger is a very real and serious problem for me, but he doesn't like to have a snack if dinner is in the near (3-4 hour) future, so I had to fake a bathroom emergency in order to stop at a convenience store. Then I also had a to give a *small* lecture about the importance of snacking and how not letting me get  hungry is beneficial to us both.

Finally found dinner and the beach, where there was also a concert happening featuring old people doing all sorts of things including ZUMBA, so things definitely perked up. I didn't love the main course, but it was a traditional Korean restaurant that gave us tons of different sides (banchan) so I found some things I liked.

We also found a pretty decent hotel for the evening so things ended on a good night. You get lots of awesome things in Korean "love" motels, and this one was especially fantastic. Small mosquito problem, but we lived. I think the best part about Korean rooms is the free water you get. Usually you get bottles of water, but every now and then you luck out and get a cooler that dispenses cold AND hot water in the room! I've stayed in a lot of hotels and rarely do you get free water, let alone an unlimited supply! This room just had bottles, but it also had a kettle for your free instant tea and coffee. Also, as an added bonus, since most of the motels are mainly for lovers, you also get a lovely little love package that includes a variety of items you might need for a lovely time. I'll just show you and you can make your own conclusions about what exactly that entails.

The contents of the bag always vary, but this particular one had two toothbrushes, toothpaste, bubble bath (the room had two showers, no bathtub), razors, shaving cream, two condoms, a bath sponge, facial yogurt, fresh and happy wash for your lady bits and a "lady kit" with q-tips, cotton swab and a hair band. Again, make your own conclusions. And also understand that these love motels are usually the cheapest option, even if it means sacrificing your dignity to be under the scrutiny and judgement of anyone that sees you entering and exiting, with friends, boyfriend, or otherwise. While I always enjoy opening the bags to see what goodies they have, I most appreciate the fact that the bag is both reusable and waterproof.

The next day also had it's bumps. I was not told that a beach trip was going to happen so I didn't bring any sort of beachy things. I did know we were going to a coastal area, but I assumed SY would have said, we are going to the beach, but no assuming is the second rule of dating an ESL person, so that was my bad.

However, if you have ever traveled with me, you are probably aware that I am the crazy girl scout lady of vacations. I have every thing you will need or might possibly need in any number of unusual or unexpected circumstances. I am a walking pharmacy/tailor/convenience store/grandma and I am VERY PROUD OF THAT. There is nothing I love more than being helpful and when a friend and or random stranger is like, oh! My nail just broke and now my polish is chipped, I feel great pride when I am able to whip out a file AND portable nail polish packets (ooooh yessssss) and solve their problem RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Seriously. It's the best.

BUT this time, just this one time, I had decided to not be a crazy lady and try to pack reasonably, and not for every scenario imaginable. Stupid! Never doing that again! Over-packing is the way to go, all day, every day. I hate having to buy things I already own and bought for whatever case. For example, I have a swim suit, sunscreen, a towel and everything other thing you could possibly need for a beach trip. Was I told we were going to the beach? No. Did I bring any of those helpful things? No. Could I buy them in Ulsan? Yes. Did I? NEVER! Even if I wanted to buy a Korean swim suit, my fat behind couldn't fit in one.

We had another hangry incident because SY insisted we go straight to lunch and get nothing for breakfast, not even stop at one of the thousands of convenience stores we passed so I could get some coffee and a small snack. That was HIS bad because THIRTY minutes later, when we got to where we were going I was in a full blown hanger ball of rage. While in a hanger haze (or immediately after waking up), I've learned it's just best not to say anything, or I could (and have) sever friendly ties, possibly forever. So, I didn't ask any questions about where we were going or who we were meeting. I knew we were meeting a friend of his, but I assumed (IDIOT!) it was just the friend, and at a Holly's Coffee, since that is a name I kept hearing come up in their Korean conversations. I assumed (GOD I NEVER LEARN) I would grab food and coffee there.

HAHAHAHA-I am so dumb and SY is even dumber for allowing this to happen, but we drive directly to the beach and show up, where there are FOUR people and a two year old child waiting for us with a full picnic spread and we are literally empty handed, except for a travel size sunscreen I found in SY's car. Fantastic. Because there is nothing I love more than being hangry, hot, unprepared and meeting new people that I can't communicate with. Who doesn't? Oh, but Jacky, you say, you are at the beach, your favorite place in the world! Yes, my friend, but we are at Korean beach and that changes literally everything.

Korean beach is totally different than anything you have ever known and loved at the beach. For starters, this particular beach has rocks, not sand. Some Korean beaches have sand, but I think this one was man-made. Also, I've been to "pebble" beaches, and they aren't so bad, but these were large, burning hot rocks that really required a mat for sitting. Did we have a mat? Of course not. We get there, and they are setting up a tent. YES A TENT-ON THE BEACH. That is how Koreans beach and it's super annoying. Also, instead of packing ready to eat sandwiches or some sort of beach friendly snack, they are putting together a GRILL and bust out tons of raw meat and ramen that requires cooking with a FIRE before we can eat it. Am I livid at this point? Yes, I am. I am trying to at least look pleasant while the men (it was two other couples) get the tent put together, but I can't really chat with anyone, so I'm kind of just standing around. I try being nice to the kid, but she is not having any of it and finally her mom talks to me a little. She can speak decent English, so I'm relieved, but I'm still in a hangry haze so my brain isn't really working yet. She asks if I can swim, I say of course. And then decide not to talk anymore.

SY finally uses his brain and goes to buy some coffee and I can also finally use my brain as well. Things improve even more when the meat starts cooking and I am eating delicious Korean bbq, my favorite thing ever. Even though it felt like I was sitting in the deepest darkest depths of hell while I was eating it, it was still pretty delicious. I am not a fan of beach drinking (it's too damn hot!) but I did take some soju shots to be polite.

After that, my winning personality returned and I was able to speak like a normal person with my new friends, and I even got the child to smile at me. The lack of a swim suit turned out to be fine because I had forgotten that NO ONE in Korea swims in an actual swim suit. They swim in rash guards, swim jackets (like hoodies, not a life jacket), shorts and a t-shirt, or literally whatever the fuck they have on at the moment. Work polo, dresses, khakis, jeans, doesn't fucking matter. It can be transformed into swim wear. I, however, strongly dislike swimming in my clothes. Being in wet clothes is lame and why would I do that when there is actual clothing designed and created for specifically swimming. But, after sitting in a tent with a flaming grill, on a beach in the middle of July, I decided swimming in my clothes wouldn't be that bad. And it wasn't! The water was freeeeeezing but it cooled me down and sobered me up pretty quickly.

I was still a little annoyed about the clothes, but now mainly because I had only brought one other pair of shorts to wear, and we still had 3 days to get through, so I would be wearing them the rest of the time. I survived, obviously, but a heads up would have been nice. I now need to remember to ask a series of who/what/when/where questions before heading anywhere with SY. Assume nothing!

The rest of the weekend was nice. His friends had a very nice, new, large apartment close to the beach with a great view. They also had a TV you could talk to! "Turn up the volume, TV!" It's English was also decent, but it didn't respond to "find Running Man!" The little girl was so sassy, it was hilarious to watch her! And I got to have some girl talk with the other ladies, mainly about how dumb boys are, which is a universal topic. There a few other hiccups, but we made it home safely, and happily and now all you lovely people also go to re-live my adventure. Lucky you!

SY packed his suit! Thanks for the heads up, asshole! Just kidding, you look Amera-tastic!

View from the apartment

I have now been at this coffee shop for like, four hours, and this writer gig is getting old. I think I'll ride my bike and find some dinner. Still no plans or changes in my Korean mess, but I'll keep you posted!

Dream big, people!