Green Eyed Monster

I am so insane with jealousy right now, I can't even stand it. I usually don't get jealous of people because my life is pretty great and I enjoy it. However. One of the girls at school got to meet my future boy toy, Taylor Lautner. CAN YOU EVEN STAND IT? I can't, I really can't. Jealousy is literally coursing through my veins right now and I can't deal. And she got to take a PICTURE. Which means she got to stand REALLY close to him. Apparently he was just wandering around the Third Street Promenade the other night because he was "bored." I walk down the Promendae EVERY DAY! Where has he been? I can help with the boredom! He can come keep me company at work! I'll quit my job, we'll go do fun things all day every day. Holy crap, seriously. I don't even want to talk about this anymore.

In other news, the bus has been creeping me out lately and things were really strange today. First off, it has been unusually not-crowded. It freaks me out a little. It went from being super crowded with barely enough room for people to stand to not even having every seat filled. The other day I rode the whole way with no one sitting next to me. Which is great, don't get me wrong...it just makes me wonder what is going on. Is there some sort of bus riders strike no one told me about? Also, today there was some sort of weird smell. It was like a combination of poop and Chinese food. Or rather, a Chinese restaurant. I really didn't enjoy it. Good thing I was super happy because I chose to listen to 80s music the whole way there and was dancing a little in my seat. I was also crazy with excitement because it's Friday and that means ELLEN IS IN THREE SHORT DAYS! I don't know how I'm going to get through this weekend! Oh yeah, and it was really weird because I got on the bus today and the driver was like, "haha, you're not wearing pants today." Ummmm. Not sure how I feel about that comment. It's true, yes. I was wearing a dress. But did you really need to mention it? Probably not.

Hopefully the bus ride home will be less eventful. I am getting my hair cut after work today...fingers crossed we don't have another Italian haircut situation going on. I'm hoping not since we at least will be speaking the same language. Also, sad times for me, I just locked myself out of the bathroom by leaving the key in there. Crap. Oh well.

Dream big people!

So soon, so soon, so SOON!

Seriously people, Ellen is just a few short days away and I am kind of freaking out a little bit. One, I am really nervous I won't get in the audience. I will, of course, still be totally ecstatic in the Riff Raff Room...but I can't lie, it would break my heart just a little bit.

Two, I also only a have a few days to do a lot of things:

1. Figure out my outfit. I might be on TV! I gotsa look good!

2. Figure out how to get Ellen to notice me. And then be so impressed with my awesomeness that she hires me. That is essentially what I want..a job with Ellen. Not prizes, or money. A job. So I can laugh, dance and help people for a living. And be her international ambassador. Ugh, I'd be so awesome at that. I made a list as to why I would make a fantastic employee for Ellen:

a. We have similar haircuts
b. We both love animals (proof: Booger, Bella & Notte, Jack & Diane)
c. Laughing is my favorite
d. I LOVE dancing. That might actually be my favorite. I could teach her some new moves! I bet she doesn't know to shag...South Carolina style!
e. I have international friends and could help with her world domination dream.
f. It would make my mom really happy (and Liz totally jealous)
g. I have excellent references (as long as she doesn't call the Greek people!)
h. I have interesting stories
i. I would do just about anything and go just about anywhere
j. I am awesome. She is awesome. We would get along great!
k. My life career goal involves helping people, she could me help you.
l. She could give Jeannie a promotion!

There are loads of other reasons, but I won't continue.

3. Figure out how to impress her without coming off as creepy. Could be a challenge. I'm not a creepy person (in general) but I feel like I might come off that way. I'm not really "obsessed" with Ellen, it would just make me so crazy happy to work for her. I mean, I am not going there to collect her hair or anything.

4. Work on my dancing skillllzzz. They are already pretty sweet, so they don't need much help, but again, I might be on TV. I've gotta be top notch.

5. Figure out to calm the F down because I am literally so excited I sort of can't function!

WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, keep those fingers crossed and

DREAM BIG PEOPLE!

Crack is Whack

So lots of weird things have been happening lately. Nothing very exciting, or interesting really. Just kind of weird.

First off, I have to mention that I got a phone call from [the] Ellen [show] today and I was informed the taping has been moved from 4:30 to 2:30, pushing check-in time up to 12:00. Which is not good because I am not supposed to leave work until 11 and that is cutting it a little too close for comfort. Oooh, it just makes me really sad in general. BUT, I am not giving up hope! Everyone cross your fingers for me that I'll be let into the actual audience and not just in the Riff Raff Room because it would seriously MAKE MY LIFE. Seriously. We need someone that can go check in early and save our spot in line. If you know anyone in LA that's free for line standing and Ellen watching on Monday, holla! For real, we have an extra ticket!

Ok, so weird things. Yesterday I was walking to work and this crazy man first shouted something about being possessed by the devil (someone else was, i think...not him) and then he laid down in the middle of the street for a few seconds. And then got up and looked at me like, what? I had on sunglasses and headphones so I just pretended I didn't see his fool self. Then today a woman got on the bus with like, 50 blankets wrapped around her and was holding a statue of the Virgin Mary with a few blankets wrapped around her as well. Then, after she had been on the bus for a while, she dropped down on one knee. I was behind her, so I couldn't see what she was doing, but I'm assuming she was praying. Not a bad idea on a LA bus, really. And last but not least, today I was walking home and I saw a wreck happen. It wasn't bad or anything, just really loud. No one was hurt and the cars weren't even badly damaged. It was just loud and scared me. It was raining here today so of course, people were going all ape-shit and driving all whack like they do when it rains here. It doesn't very often, so people just really don't know what to do with themselves. It's funny...and sad.

In other news, I have been tripping over sidewalk cracks a lot lately. It's kind of embarrassing. It's happened 4 times this week. I need new shoes maybe? I don't know. Oh, and I saw a movie last night, Un Prophoete (it's foreign, I'm cultured) and it was really good. Craaazzzyyy long, but good. And I decided that mustaches are the most horrible thing that men can do to their faces. Take note, men, and shave the stache. And if you're a man, and you're reading this, and you have a stache...stop reading because we should not be associated with each other. Thank you.

Ok, remember, fingers crossed for me and my Ellen experience! SO excited! Also, cross your fingers I win the lottery while you're at it because I need a car and a new computer real bad. But, if you're only going to do it for one or other other, do it for Ellen. If you have to choose.

Dream big people!

Yikes

I don't know how I haven't commented on this already because I have been thinking about it for quite some time now.



The new 'We Are The World' video. At first, I was really pumped about it. Like, really pumped. I thought it was such a cool idea that they were going to re-do it. For the most part, I am all for covers and remakes because I think it's interesting to put a new spin on things and sometimes (rarely) the new version is even better than the old. For example, in my humble opinion, I think Rufus Wainwright's version of 'Hallelujah' is better than Leonard Cohen's original. [Seriously, that's just me, no one freak out...Cohen's version is still awesome]. ANYWAYS-I was excited about this new version. However, after seeing it for the first time I was severely let down. And a little disgusted. I mean, they started off with Justin Beiber. He wasn't even around for the original! Whatever, technically, I wasn't either, but I at least had been conceived. I guess he's ok (who am I kidding, I freaking love 'One Time') but maybe shouldn't have started the whole thing off. Anyways, I watched it again and decided maybe it wasn't so terrible. The original is still a thousand times better, duh. But, this new one is decent. I read somewhere that Lionel Ritchie didn't use the original people because he wanted to make it relevant to 2010. And I'm sorry, but Lionel, I don't really think you are relevant to 2010. At least not musically. 'All Night Long' was quite some time ago my friend. There were a few rando's thrown in there too, I think. Also, Wyclef Jean's part makes my ears bleed a little. I personally think it would have been pretty awesome to have the original people do it again. Most of them are still alive and most of them are still kicking it in the music scene. The Boss? He's still out on tour!

My final thought is this: Good idea. Maybe a little too many artists thrown in there. The original definitely trumps. I LOVE the Haitian kid dancing towards the end. And good call throwing Vince Vaughn in there as the random, non musical person looking dorky in the back (ie-Dan Akroyd). Lastly, I think everyone should have been wearing silver MJ gloves as a tribute.

Let's do the time warp again!

So it's Saturday night and Blakely and I are sitting around after a long day of shopping and I say:

"Have you ever seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show?"

Apparently I said this out of nowhere because Blakely nor I can recall why I brought this up in the first place. Anywho, to make a long story short we find out there is a theater in LA that plays the RHPS every Saturday night at midnight and since I had never seen it (and I had been craving movie theater popcorn for a week), we decide to go.

Oh my goodness.

It was seriously one of the craziest/most fun/most bizarre/entertaining/most disturbing/interesting things I have ever experienced in my life. And I say experienced, not just watched. Because they did not just show the movie (which is pretty bizarre-o on its own), but there were props, costumes, actors, music, etc. I had heard about this kind of thing before, that it was a cult classic and people squirted water guns, threw toast, etc, but this place took it to a whole new level.

First, we have to get in a line. It's midnight on a Saturday and we have to get in an extremely long line down the sidewalk for a movie that has been playing every single Saturday night for the past 35 years. And we have some interesting company in the line. There are people dressed up in all sorts of crazy get ups. Lots of fishnet hose, intense cleavage, boys in drag and one boy in some shiny gold undies. And nothing else. Poor guy, it was like 40 outside. He seemed to be in good spirits though. Especially after a girl walking around with lipstick drew all over him. I won't repeat what she wrote, but it was ....interesting. Blakely and I got V's on our faces because we were RHPS virgins. We are also offered a range of merchandise to purchase, from penis key chains, to boobie lighters, to a prop kit to use while watching. Before we got to go in, we got a pep talk from "security" telling us to go home if we were easily offended by vulgarity, nudity or profanity. We were also told not to take pictures of the girl undressing and that we could bring our own food in, we just couldn't throw it. We could only throw the things they gave us. Oh, and it was Mardi Gras night and we could show our boobs once inside if we wanted some beads.

So we go in and basically what ensues is total insanity. First we have like an emcee doing a warm up, telling us the rules and making really lame jokes. We also had to go through a "virgin initiation" which was basically all the people with Vs going to the front and pledging allegiance to RHPS. There were also a select few that were chosen to stay on stage and let's just say I was really happy I was not one of them. If you know what I'm saying. Finally the movie starts and while the movie is going on, people are wandering around yelling things at the screen while other people in costume are acting out the actual movie while it's playing. It was really quite distracting and I still don't really have any idea what actually went on in the movie.

Pretty much, I totally loved/was completely weirded out by this whole experience. The whole thing was actually really really funny and I left thinking, only in LA. Seriously. I mean, I don't think you could find enough freaks in all of South Carolina to put in such a thing, much less keep it going every single Saturday. It's like a convention of every weird person you went to high school with. Personally, I'm just happy they have found their niche. Not everyone does. And on top of them, there were plenty of "virgins" there as well. Only in LA.

No, I did not show my goods to get those. They started throwing them out to the audience. Get your mind out of the gutter.

There You Ho Again

Well well well. I am going to try and thing of positive things to say today. Might be tough because I am crazy grouchy at the moment. I don't really have much to complain about, it's just been a clusterfuck of stupid nonsense. No worries, nothing of any significance, I am just grouchy. I think I need something really yummy for lunch. There are so many choices around my work though, I can't ever decide! Seriously, that the caliber of problems I have been having lately. I just need to shut up.

In other news, Ellen is in TEN days! We are almost in single digits! My stupid countdown has apparently quit working..so F you blogger app or whatever you're called. I don't know why you can't just WORK, dammit. Either way, I'm still going to Ellen in 10 days and it's going to be SO AWESOME.

Here are some other random thoughts I've had lately:

1. I got some new music lately (Vampire Weekend...such cuties!) and it has been rocking my face off on my bus rides. The only problem is I can't get up and dance. And yes, I know technically I could, but really? Who would do that? Crazy people and I'm not in that category, thank you.

2. I can't believe all the press over Tiger and his "apology." First of all, he doesn't owe anyone except his poor wife and kids an apology. There were golf fans on TV this morning, one saying she had forgiven him and the other saying he hadn't. And both of them are total idiots. This is what happens when stupid people put other stupid people up on pedastals just because they are exceptionally good at something. Why hasn't America gotten used to athletes and other people with big talent and small brains failing them? Being famous does not make you smart, interesting, or role-model worthy. I have so many thoughts about this but I can't articulate them properly right now. Maybe I never will and will consequently do the right thing by not giving this ho bag any more attention because he doesn't really need it. Good plan. Tiger, I am done with you and your ho (Ludacris says hoe I say ho...tomato, tomato) ways. Everyone knows you can't turn a ho into a house[husband], ho's don't act right! Great song.

3. I also can't believe that in today's crazy world of super fast communication, I am still managing to have trouble understanding people. I mean really, we have emails, text messages, facebook messages, voice mail, cell phones, smoke signals, g chat, blogging, snail mail, phone calls, Morse code, twitter, etc, etc, etc and somehow I still can't get my message across to some people. Blows my mind. I think the problem comes in when you're not totally honest with people. But, I was thinking about this yesterday and I don't really think honesty is always the best policy. Most of the time, yes. But usually, in my case anyways, my honesty would make me look like a crazy person. Or rather, if I said everything I thought/wanted to say...I would look totally insane. And rude. And kind of slutty. And awkward. But mainly crazy. Completely crazy.

Ok. Right. So I am veering way off from positive. So to end things with a smile, Pandora is awesome. It's Friday! It's almost lunch time (where to go, where to GO???). Ellen is in 10 days! And, I have awesome friends. Good talk.

Dream big people!

...but got elected TWICE??

HAPPY PRESIDENT'S DAY EVERYONE! This goober holiday will always hold a special place in my heart thanks to some super awesome homemade t-shirts, an explosion of Dr. Bob soda, and some really great friends at PC.


Here's a fun fact: Grover Cleveland (aka Uncle Jumbo) was the only president to be elected to two terms non-consecutively. Fascinating, no?

Hope everyone enjoys appreciating presidents today. I didn't find Mr. Lautner last night, sadly. But I am not giving up hope. I know he is around here somewhere, so I'll keep...

dreaming big people!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Or as a friend likes to call, Happy Singles Awareness Day! I celebrated last night in "We-Ho" (West Hollywood) with a whole lot of beautiful gay men. Good for dancing and eye candy, no good for finding a Valentine. Hoping things will be different tonight when I go out in regular Hollywood!

And I would like to give a special V-day shout-out to my super awesome BFF, Whitney who is one of the coolest, most fantastic people I know and I hope she has a really great Valentine's day because she totally deserves it. And I love her a lot. Hooray Whitney!

Hope everyone is having a fantastic day full of love! And conversation hearts! Even though I have some beef with them because the ones I bought recently taste different and less delicious than before, so I don't know what is going on. I might have to switch Valentine's candy....

Dream big people! Love to all :)

All Aboard...

....the craaazzzzzyyyyy [bus] (Ozzy style). That is what I was on today on the way home! It was total insanity. I got on later than usual...but earlier than I have before. So it was this weird in-between time that I will never ever be doing again. First, I get on and there are two loud ass girls eating their McDonald's dinner listening to a boom box, breaking all kinds of rules. And they were talking all loud like everyone wanted to hear their business. Oh, whoa whoa, I almost forgot. That was really second because FIRST there was a CLOWN at my bus stop who got on with me. And when I say clown, I mean straight up clown. Face paint, big shoes, wig, red nose, the whole deal..and he looked Asian. Then I got on the bus and oddly enough, he fit in better than I did. The bus driver had very similar make up to the clown and there was a guy with pig-tail dreads.

Just when I was thinking that was strange, more people started getting on and it turned into a party bus. People were connecting, catching up with old friends, laughing, having a good ole time. I missed a lot of it because I was blasting my music so I could drown everyone out (thank GOODNESS for ipods) but I would catch bits and pieces when a song stopped. Two men in front of me were having a Jesus talk...one was witnessing, the other was listening intently. Then a homeless man joined in the convo and was telling them how he died on the operating table exactly 8 years today. It was declared a miracle by the witnesser. The other man agreed. Then Bon Jovi came on and I stopped listening. On the next lull I hear an extremely loud man lamenting about how he got on the wrong bus, but then he made a friend with a man selling Harry Potter books and I think it cheered him up a bit. At one point, a woman with two teeth got on yelling "Fuck me? Oh no, fuck you muthafucka," whilst drinking orange Arizona iced tea out of an extra big can. I suspect she had mixed it with something. I paused my ipod for a bit while she ranted because it was entertaining. She then made a friend and then started crying because she "lost her grandmamma yesterday." This lady looked about 50 so I was impressed she still had a grandmamma (until recently I guess). Then the Jesus guy gets off, but first he gives the other man what looked like a movie ticket to his church and the other guy (who was very white) was all, "Thanks brah (or however you spell the slang version of bro)" to the Jesus guy (who was very black). It made me cringe a little. He was trying so hard! I don't think Jesus guy minded though, he seemed pretty pleased with his new friend. There was also a guy in a wheelchair selling all sorts of trinkets who made friends with the miracle man, who was also selling trinkets, only his were in a garbage bag.

In short, the bus ride home was like a crazy people meet and greet. No one told me. The clown got off on my stop and I thought about being his friend...just to see what his deal was. But I was hungry and decided talking to Asian clowns in the El Salvadorian ghetto during rush hour traffic is probably not the smartest of ideas. So here I am at home, with no new friends. Sad times for me. Maybe tomorrow.

Dream BIG people. Adios

Big Fail, LA

So I have now been to three grocery stores and cannot find any pizza crust. WHAT IS GOING ON LA???? All I want is an already made pizza crust, ready to be topped and cooked in the oven...not something you have to roll out yourself and not something that is already topped. Why can't you offer this to me? I mean, you have everything else that I could ever want to eat, including "southern delicacies" like red velvet cake, fried chicken, and even sweet tea (only at McDonalds)! Not to mention a whole host of exotic and slightly scary looking foods I wouldn't ever want to eat. And you can offer it to me at all hours of the night and you mean to tell me I can't get a freakin pizza crust?? WHAT GIVES?

Sigh. It really wouldn't bother me all that much if I hadn't already bought all the toppings.

Speaking of fail, LA also fails in the public transportation company department. Seriously, the metro system is completely retarded here and it's website is the biggest pile of crap I have ever encountered. I would think with a huge ass city like LA it would have its self together. Nay.

Whatever. My foot hurt crazy bad again last night and it's really starting to upset me. In other news, I got a physical today and good news-I don't have HIV! Not that I ever thought I did...but the nurse asked if I wanted the test at no extra charge and I thought, why the hell not? I've been listening to a lot of RENT lately. You can never be too careful. Bad news-she couldn't do anything about my foot. It kept me up last night and I was sooo tired today at work. So I got some McDonald's coffee...which was good and bad. Good because it was super cheap. Bad because they didn't' have the fun flavors like they normally do (it was a food court McDonalds) and also bad because there were lots of crazy homeless men hanging around and they were annoying. The guy in front of me asked the cashier if she knew who Barack Obama was. I didn't hear her answer. There are lots of crazy people here that talk to themselves. Today I heard this guy behind me talking in this crazy gangster voice and was all, yeah girl, I'd like to take you to breakfast. You know what's up. And I was like, whaaa? And then I turned around and realized he was on the phone. And I was both relieved and disappointed. Because on one hand, that is rude and awkward. On the other hand, I secretly like getting hit on, even if it is by creepsters. It is so rare I get hit on...it's a nice little confidence booster...even if it is a person who looks like they haven't showered in three months.

Well now I'm just rambling. And looking pretty pathetic, at that. So I'll stop. Ellen is getting closer every second!!!!

Dream big people!

That's what she said

Whaaaat UP people. I am in a strangely good mood right now. I say strangely because my stomach has been acting all kinds of crazy the last two days and my foot (where I broke it) has really been hurting me lately. Currently, I am in desperate need of some Tums and perhaps a cast. The stomach issues may because of the excessive amount of dairy products I have been eating lately. I really just can't help myself though. Cheese is so good. I realized yesterday when I got home I bought five different varieties. I am not kidding. And my foot is probably mad at me because I wore heels out Friday night and then went on a pretty extensive hike on Sunday. Now it is revolting by hurting and waking me up at night. Dammit. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it! I guess no more hikes :( And no more heels :( :(. We'll see how long that lasts.

Anyways, for some good news. I got my ELLEN tickets in the mail today!!!!!!!!! EXCITING!!!! I was a little disappointed to find out you are not allowed to wear t-shirts because that threw my plan off a little bit. I'm not giving it away totally, but it involved making a shirt and getting noticed. So that's out. No worries, on to plan B. You are also not supposed to wear tennis shoes. Which I think is a little hypocritical because Ellen wears tennis shoes all the time. And if she's not wearing tennis shoes, she's wearing ugly shoes. Sorry Ellen, I love and you're my favorite ever...but you have bad taste in shoes. But you also have a hugely successful TV, so who gives a crap what I think?

OH! And I spotted my first celebrity today!!!! It was...Meredith from The Office! Exciting! She was at the grocery store tonight. Blakely and I stopped by to get some food stuffs and I walked around the corner and there she was, just standing in line. And I was like, I know that woman. I seriously thought for a second she was someone I knew from home and I almost went up to her. And then I realized who she was and started laughing because I am such a tard. Blakely was behind me and she was making this weird face and I thought it was because she saw her too, and it was making me laugh more. Turns out, she was making a "WTF is up with this ridiculously long line at Ralphs" face and I just looked immature and crazy for giggling over seeing Meredith from The Office. Good thing I didn't talk to her though, because I don't actually know her name. Which is sad. But true.

HAHA! I just looked her up on the Internet...her name is Kate Flannery and she has a twin sister. So maybe I saw the twin and not really her. Haha, I guess we'll never know! Man, I think that's funny.

Anyways. Other than the possible Meredith from The Office, I haven't seen any other famous people. That I know of. Still got my eyes peeled for Taylor. I think he recently turned 18!

In other news, things are good. Don't have any particularly interesting bus stories. There were some seriously smelly people on there today...they had that homeless people funk and it was a little rough. And this really cute boy that I see all the time on my bus sat next to me. There was no conversation or even eye contact involved, but I think it's a step in the right direction. I thought about saying something about the smell, but that would have been a little rude since the smelly people were only a few seats away from me. They totally would have heard me. And they both had crazy eyes, so I didn't want to upset them.

Also, I had a really good weekend. I went dancing in Hollywood and downtown LA and just felt super cool the whole time. I wasn't feeling so cool when I was crazy hungover on Saturday morning, but I rallied, don't worry. Blakely and I hiked on Sunday and it was sooo pretty. And then we watched "Lady and the Tramp" and it was awesome. Blakely had never seen it! I'm glad I could help her change her life for the better.

Ok, well that's it for me. I'm going to take some Tylenol PM tonight...show that foot who's boss.

Dream big people! Only 18 days till ELLEN!!!!! :)

Grandmas are awesome

My Grandma, especially! She is doing better and feeling good. Hooray!

These Grandmas are also awesome:


I don't really know what is going on...something about Tim Tebow getting an ad during the Superbowl for anti-abortion. Either way, these ladies are rocking my face off. You tell em! Women's rights, right on Grannies! I'm with you!