Time to get real, people. A departure from my usual stream
of incessant babbling.
I have a million posts in my head I haven’t managed to put
out yet, on a variety of subjects. Between my laziness and lack of a place to
sit (see previous post), I get a lot of things started but never finish, or I
feel like they aren’t ready to publish. Then, I remember how low the readership
of this blog is, so the motivation to do anything is small. Also, sometimes the
thought of some stellar thing I post gaining popularity both terrifies and
exhilarates me. How awesome would it be for my brilliance to finally be
recognized? But, how terrible would it be to be picked apart by millions of
strangers? I’ve read the articles, I know how cruel people can be on things
that go viral. For this reason, I usually don’t like to get into controversial
issues because I don’t like arguing with people or, honestly, getting
criticized. But, this issue is something I feel strongly about and I have
finally focused and written down why.
I’ve had a hard time writing it. Trying to figure out how
much to comment on recent events, what aspects of the story I should focus on,
how much back story and fact checking I should do has been challenging. How do
I tell my story without sounding condescending, overindulgent, whiny or worst
of all, stupid? How much explanation do I need to give for my thoughts,
feelings, opinions, and actions? Truthfully, none. I don’t owe anyone an
explanation! It’s my life and my blog. But, I come from a conservative area,
with lots of conservative friends that I don’t want to alienate or offend. And
now, I live in an even more conservative country that is, in so ways, even more
backward, and it’s scary to put yourself out there.
I also don’t like to get very political, mainly because I am
woefully ignorant and uninterested in what is happening in Washington DC. I’m
actually quite self-absorbed and have little interest in things that don’t
involve me or my loved ones directly. This is probably a terrible way to live,
but it keeps me from drowning in the world’s sorrows. I tend to get too
involved in whatever is currently happening in my life; relationships,
arguments, decisions, TV shows, whatever. It’s too stressful to put all that
anxiety into the rest of the world’s problems as well.
But, I finally decided I have to tell MY story, with my
thoughts and opinions and only briefly address the recent controversies
surrounding PP. I have always had this need to constantly explain myself to
people and talk as much as possible (people that have read this blog before are
well aware). Now, living in a country where my language is a minority, it’s
harder to find outlets to do that, so here I am on my blog letting it all out. I am using my blog because I think it's pretty un-helpful to change profile pictures, and I need WAY more than 140 characters to express myself. I also often feel the need to apologize for my opinions, but this is my blog and I want to
tell my story and that is what I’m going to do, with all its uncomfortable, yet
surprisingly uninteresting, details.
The short version:
Planned Parenthood was there when I needed it. And no, I
didn’t have an abortion.
The long version:
Planned Parenthood impacted my life in a very real way, and
I want people to understand that PP helps all kinds of people, in all kinds of
situations, including people you probably know.
I graduated from college in 2007, and held three different
full time jobs in the five years following. None of them offered me benefits,
or any kind of health care plan. The
only doctor care (outside of “family planning”) I had from 2007 until I moved
to Korea in 2012 was at a “doc in the box” when I got strep throat, and when I
gave myself swimmer’s ear. I knew I had strep throat, but couldn’t get the
medicine to cure it without a prescription, which requires a doctor and a five
minute throat swab that changes color if you have strep. The visit cost over
$100 and a day’s worth of pay, since I was an hourly worker. Regular health
care didn’t really seem like an option for me during those five years.
Luckily, during those years, I went without any major
medical emergencies or concerns. While living in South Carolina, I, for
whatever reason, never thought about PP as place to go when I needed
reproductive care. I had been taking “the pill” since high school, long before
I ever needed it for actually “controlling
birth,” if you know what I mean (I hadn’t had sex yet). I had a hormone
imbalance and would only get my period once every couple of months. As
convenient as it was not to have, it was also a little worrisome. A Virgin Mary
situation was just as terrifying as actually being pregnant, so I got put on
the pill to get myself regular. So, like many others, I was using the pill for
health reasons and not because I was having tons of pre-marital sex. But guess
what, even if I was, that’s my own damn business and no one has the right to
tell me I can’t do that. (This is where interpretation of facts becomes a
problem. Some people confuse the word “sin” with “illegal” and it causes controversy.)
Eventually, many years later, I did start having sex responsibly, and the pill
was a nice safety net for condoms, as well as continuing to be a healthy way to
keep me regular.
Once I was kicked off my parent’s health care plan after
graduation, I tried just not taking the pill for a few months. I had broken up
with my boyfriend and since birth control with no insurance was absurdly
expensive, I decided condoms were enough for the infrequent sexual encounters I
was having. But, my periods became irregular again, so I had to look into other
options. Obviously for health reasons, but also because the Virgin Mary theory
wasn’t plausible anymore, and the absolute last thing I wanted in life was a
baby. So, I started going to the public health clinic in Mount Pleasant and was
able to get free birth control that way, because I didn’t make enough money to
get real insurance. To do this, you have to answer a lot of questions and fill
out a lot of paperwork proving you need it. The details are hazy, because it
was a long time ago, but I remember it being a fairly easy process, though fairly
time consuming and impersonal because the people that work there have A LOT of
other responsibilities and patients demanding their attention. As someone with
a car, no children to care for and a flexible work schedule, it was fairly easy
for me to make these visits. I imagine this is not the case for all, if not
most people going to the free health clinic.
At this point in my life, I did occasionally use the pill to
its full potential. It was never on a regular basis (I had a dry spell that
lasted a year), and it was always with condoms (remember, young people, the
pill doesn’t prevent STIs!) But, I wanted to stay regular and at least keep
that part of my body healthy. If I only wanted to not get pregnant, I would
have just used condoms because they are a lot cheaper and you don’t have to
remember to take them every day, or go back every month for a refill.
I was receiving Medicare (NOT Medicaid) in SC for “family
planning” while I lived there. They are very specific about the wording and the
amount of free things you can receive while on this sort of government
assistance, so any other health issue not involving my reproductive parts were
not covered and therefore went unchecked for a number of years. In 2009, I got
jobs in Italy and Greece for the summer and didn’t have birth control, or a
period (or any sex) for those 3 months. When I came home from that, I went back
to the free health clinic for the few months I was home before I decided to
move to Los Angeles.
When I moved to California, I had to figure out a new plan,
because I obviously couldn’t keep using South Carolina’s family planning
services on the other side of the country. I had gotten a full time job, again
with no health benefits, but I still had that pesky hormone imbalance and
wasn’t having regular periods. I also assumed (or maybe read somewhere) that
going on and off the pill frequently wasn’t the smartest idea. Like a lot of
people, I assumed Planned Parenthood was mainly for abortions and had never
really thought of it as something I needed. I believe a friend suggested I use
it for birth control, so I decided to give it a try. I went to the one on the Third
Street Promenade in Santa Monica, which is NOT a low-income area (I recently
read a comment on fb that said this is where ALL PPs are located) and is in
fact, one of the wealthiest areas in the country. So for people that only
believe PP is for poor people making bad decisions, you’re very wrong.
My first appointment, and every appointment after was a
wonderful experience, as much as gynecologist visits can be. No one likes the
cold duck lips, or telling total strangers their complete sordid history, but I
never felt judged, uncomfortable or unsafe while I was there. My only complaint
is that The Wendy Williams show was always on TV in the lounge, and she is
crazy annoying. The staff there was always completely professional, helpful and
nice. I got a pap smear, a check-up, birth control and a bag full of condoms,
all for free. I actually tried to turn down the bag of condoms (my first year
in LA was another year long dry spell), but they insisted. While the unused bag
was a depressing reminder of my pathetic love life, they did come in handy for
my luckier friends.
On my second visit to PP, my pap smear came back irregular,
so I had to go back for a follow up. I was on the other side of the country,
with no sort of family support within a thousand miles, hardly any savings and
was understandably FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. Once again, the doctors, nurses and
staff were incredibly nice and comforting. I distinctly remember feeling safe
and cared for, and had all my questions answered and concerns addressed. To my
relief, it turned out there was nothing wrong and was told irregularities
commonly show up on pap smears and there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. Had
things not been ok, I have no doubt PP would have helped me through the next
steps, however scary and expensive they may have been. (When I moved to Korea,
health care again became a regular part of my life, and nothing else has popped
up, so I’m assuming the doctor was correct in telling me I’d be fine.) She did
recommend an HPV vaccination, just to be safe and I got one, I believe, for a
very nominal fee.
Planned Parenthood was the only form of health care I
received during the rest of my time in LA (about 2 years total), and was the
most thorough and engaging doctor’s visit I had for the first five years of my
post college graduate life. I thankfully
did not have any other major health issues, strep throat or otherwise. I had
huge bag full of condoms, free birth control and a clean bill of reproductive
health. I really cannot say enough good things about my Planned Parenthood
experience. For a lot of young women in my demographic, reproductive health is
essential, if not the only health related issues they face. For me personally,
not getting pregnant was a priority, but so was having a normal, healthy
menstrual cycle. It’s different for every woman, and once again, it’s really
not anyone’s damn business why they do or don’t need the pill, or any other
method of birth control.
When I moved back to South Carolina, I wanted to go to the
PP there, since it involved a lot less paperwork and hassle than the free
health clinic. Unlike PP, the clinic required an appointment, paperwork, waiting
and documentation. I remember going there early in the day because I was
worried it would be crowded, like the one in LA usually was. (Side not: it’s
not called Planned Parenthood in Charleston, but is listed on the PP website.
It also doesn’t offer abortion services.) But, I walked in to an empty waiting
room and was told that instead of transferring the records from California, I
needed to see the doctor and have him or her write a prescription for pills
because I was a new patient. I was also told everything would cost about $200,
and as an unemployed person who had just moved across the country, this seemed
like an exorbitant amount of money. Especially for something I had been
receiving for FREE at the SAME company months before. Turns out, the PPs in the
red state of SC don’t receive any government funding and is therefore rendered
pretty damn useless to any one that actually
needs it. Fortunately, I didn’t have children, I had the resources to find
other options and I know if I had asked, my parents would have helped me get
what I needed. Not everyone has these basic luxuries and it infuriates me their
access to healthcare is limited because the conservatives running that state
have decided it’s not important for underprivileged people to get healthcare
for WHATEVER reason they want. If they want to have tons of sex with strangers,
fine. If they are married and want to limit the amount of kids they’re having,
fine. If they are single and want to make sure everything is covered if they
decide to partake in some adult activities, FINE. Or maybe they are a
god-fearing virgin that just wants to make sure all their private bits are
functioning normally every year, FUCKING FINE. There are probably a ton of reasons I have
never even considered or heard of because I couldn’t possibly know about all
the challenges and hardships people face every day. I would imagine that most
politicians (and rich conservatives) don’t either.
I moved to Korea shortly after that, and have experienced
the best and most convenient health care of my life in this country for the
past four years (that is for another post), so I honestly don’t know what
things are like now, with Obamacare. I know most people in my home state
complain about it constantly, but I sincerely hope it has made things easier
for people like me, and especially for people not as fortunate as myself.
So THAT, my friends, is why I support Planned Parenthood and
will continue to do so. I cannot stress enough that this is my OWN personal
experience. I am an inherently privileged person, in nearly all aspects of my
life, including reproductive health. I have never been faced with major health
obstacles, or decisions. My journey, while not always convenient or affordable,
has been fairly smooth and straightforward. I’ve never experienced abuse, the
consequences or effects of it, or the fear that comes with having limited or no
options for my health. I really cannot imagine what it is like to be in such
circumstances. Now, I still live in Korea, which has its own set of feminist
issues, but at least has easy and affordable health care. Even without
insurance, I recently saw a doctor, afterhours and got prescription medication
for less than $50 and in under 30 minutes. I realize this healthcare plan is
not necessarily a reality for the US, but I would like to think it can at least
make some progress, especially for women’s health issues. Here, you can walk
into a pharmacy and get birth control over the counter for about $5. Pregnancy
and abortions are an entirely
different and unfortunate story, but birth control is fairly easy.
My hope is, if you managed to read this whole thing, that,
if you didn’t already know, Planned Parenthood does a lot of great things for
people of every race, age and socioeconomic status that need it for a number of
different reasons, all of which are personal and not for a politician (man OR
woman) to decide. It does A LOT more than provide abortions to promiscuous
women making bad decisions (as so often portrayed in the media.) In fact,
abortions make up a very small percentage of the services they provide. Also,
there is a law that prohibits using money from the federal government towards
abortions and most abortions, even at PP, actually still cost quite a bit of
money. Even if you do decide to go there for an abortion, they discuss all the
options that come with a pregnancy: abortion, adoption and parenting. A woman
can decide on any one of those and they will help her with all of them, with no
judgement. I personally have never been faced with the choice of having an
abortion. The stress and emotional turmoil that comes with making that decision
shouldn’t be furthered by a lack of safe and affordable options. Furthermore,
defunding PP is not going to stop abortions. Surely people realize that
defunding will just mean cutting off the only source of healthcare for a lot of
people that need it. PP also provides cancer screenings, family planning, safe
sex education and basic reproductive health care for both men and women. People
of all ages and genders go to PP to become educated, to get help and to stay
healthy.
If anything, please stop and think about why you want Planned
Parenthoods to be shut down. If you already agree with me, fantastic! You can
use these ideas, or your even better ones, to help educate the haters. If it’s
based solely on the idea that people believe abortions are murder, please
educate yourself further on who PP services, how it provides help and hope to
people that need it, and how it shutting down would affect a community less
fortunate than the one you live in. It’s quite difficult to have a discussion
with people that believe abortion is murder. I personally don’t believe that,
science and the law agree with me, but I am not really here to convince people
to change their religious beliefs. There really isn’t a middle ground when two
people can’t agree on what is fact and what isn’t. In my personal experiences,
it’s difficult to argue with someone that leans very far one way, on any scale,
about any situation. People completely immersed in one set of beliefs have
their own set of vocabulary and ideas they see as facts and if you don’t also
believe their “facts,” it’s impossible to find common ground. The internet
further complicates things, because people have access to studies, facts and
figures supporting whatever they want to believe, because someone else also
probably believes it and literally anyone can get on the web and claim whatever
they want as “facts.” Information can be skewed, statistics can be stacked,
studies can be fluffed, and nothing is real. Also, people can hide behind their
keyboard and can say whatever incredibly cruel, unethical and untrue hurtful
things they want. People believe what they want to believe, and I’ve found it’s
rare to convince them otherwise, myself included. No one wants to be proved
wrong. It means the entire time before, you were being an idiot and no one
likes that feeling.
But, I also hope for all people to have access to the
affordable, safe and convenient health care services that Planned Parenthood
offers. I make a small (unemployment limits my spending) monthly contribution
to PP, because I am in a more financially secure place in my life. I also have
easy access to health care (for all my bits) and I no longer have to worry
about how I’m going to keep my cycle healthy and regular. I do worry that when
I eventually move back to America, PP will no longer be an option for me, or
anyone else. If I can’t find a job right away, or something comes up before my
insurance plan begins. Those worries are for another time, but I sincerely hope
people realize how vital PP is to a lot of people, for so many reasons…none of
which are any of your business.
Dream big people!
