Grumpy Pants

I'm in my cozy bed now, so the grumpy pants are off and have been replaced by comfy pjs, so feeling a bit better now. However, I was stewing on my way home tonight. I went to Apgujeong (in Seoul) for some Zumba, which usually makes me really happy, but I was NOT feeling this class. There were two instructors and I knew one, and the other I had met at the Zumba certificate training. She didn't remember me, and even though I was like, I met you, she apparently didn't hear me and we literally had the EXACT same conversation we had when I met her. Cool. Also, I ate McDonalds like an hour before and that was a big mistake. Huge. Definitely regretted that. After the class, I said hello to another person I met at the training and he gave me the rudest look ever. So fuck you, Zumba people.

I think my main problem is it's FUCKING COLD AND COLD WEATHER SUCKS MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WHOLE WORLD.

I try to be a positive person, for the most part. People that know me probably don't believe this, because I do an awful lot of bitching for the sake of bitching. This is mainly to get it out of my system because, really, in my head I think good thoughts and try to look at the bright side. But, seasonal depression is real, y'all and I get the winter blues real bad. They've started this year. Solutions welcome.

I can't even explain to you how much I hate Korean winters. I thought winters at home were awful, getting down to like, 40 but it is SO much worse here. I experienced my first negative temperatures last year and cried.  And this is not even the coldest place in the world! It blows my mind that people willingly live where it gets insanely cold and stays that way for an extremely long time.

The ONLY good thing about winter is Christmas, but even that is more fun when it's warm. I'd rather just watch it snowing on TV. Or actually, I would just like to pretend snow doesn't exist. Snow can kiss my ass and so can all snow related activities. I cannot understand people that enjoy snow and frankly, I don't need them as friends.

I saw a piece on BuzzFeed that was "Reasons to be Thrilled about Winter." Vomit. This is my rebuttal.
(Skipping the exceptionally boring ones)

1. Inventing new ways to make snowmen.

No. Snowmen are the worst. I hate making them. It makes my hands cold, they never turn out they way you want, they're stupid and they melt. I hate everything to do with snow and snowmen can suck it. Sand sculptures are what's up.

2. Festive long johns.

That no one sees? And make you sweaty when you're inside? And dig into your stomach and leave an indention when you wear them all day long? And take forever to readjust after you go to the bathroom? No Thanks.

3. Peppermint hot cocoa.

Thanks to my awesome new lactose issues, I will not be partaking in cocoa this year. Also, newsflash, you can make that all year round if you have an access to a microwave, stove or hot water.

4. Beautiful, beautiful layers.

Tank top, dress, cardigan = acceptable layers. Tank top, t-shirt, long sleeve shirt, sweater, jacket, coat, scarf = excessive. Layers are sometimes cute in the fall and 3 is max. Once winter hits, the layers stop being cute and start being annoying. As a petite fatty, layers are a pain to adjust constantly. And for everyone, they are a pain to take on and off every time you go in or outside. For anyone that rides the subway, they are a HUGE pain to deal with on the train (or bus) since they always have the heat blasting and if you don't take off some layers, you will be a puddle when you reach your destination.

5. Streets lit up

Yes, pretty. But also totally possible in the summer. Everyone, keep lights up all year long. I do, and it's fabulous.

6. Cool sheets and warm comforters and staying in bed too long. First two, yes. Last one, big problem when you have to show up to work on time, looking acceptable and not a hot mess.

7. Heating up by the fire.

There are no fireplaces in Korea. THANKS ANYWAY. Furthermore, fires suck. Too close, you're melting, too far away, it's freezing. There is no happy medium. Also, major fire hazard.

8. Chili

Nope, chili is gross and also makes my stomach explode. And once again, can be made ANY TIME OF THE YEAR. If you want it to be cold when you eat it, crank up the AC, get on the subway, or sit in a freezer.

9. Sledding

Fun once. Do it longer and you get a huge headache and everything gets soggy from the snow. Plus, I have never seen any sledding here. Also, go sled on some sand. Or a big grassy hill. Way better.

10. The instant, easy elegance of a winter coat.

Yes, if you have hundreds of dollars to spend and also if it's really not that cold. Because anything that is cute and/or elegant is not keeping you warm. Anyone that lives somewhere SUPER cold knows that looking cute goes out the window at zero degrees and you will stop at nothing to make yourself warm. This includes wearing ridiculous hats, nonfunctional mittens, a big puffy coat (you can only afford one, so you wear it every day), two layers of pants, which make you feel like you gained 20 pounds and scarves that cover half your face. If I can find a bank robber-esque mask this year, I'm buying it and wearing it every day.

11. Animals in people hats.

Not a good enough reason to give winter any credit.

12. People in animal hats.

This is getting ridiculous.

13. A nice and natural snack (snow)

Gross. And I live by the 10 second rule

14. Seeing your breath on a walk

WHAT?!?! No, how is that fun? Stupid.

15. Flannel bedding

Sleep in that shit and you're sweating by morning.

16. Boots, the easiest/best/coolest footwear type of all

That is the most untrue thing I have ever read. I can't even.

17. Watching your favorite holiday themed movies, again.

CAN BE DONE AT ANY TIME, AT ANY TEMPERATURE.

18. Poinsettias, the most beautiful and most cherry plant.

Another huge lie. What lunatic wrote this nonsense?

19. The smell of balsam trees

Don't even know what those are, but if it's in candle form, you can once again, smell it ALL YEAR.

The last thing on a list is a picture of snow covered road in a forest. Nope, nope, nope. Beaches are way prettier, snow is beautiful for approximately one day and then it just the worst pile of disgusting sludge, ruining your shoes and making you fall.

Basically, everything that is "great" about winter can be done in warm weather, except for snow related things but fuck snow. And another thing that sucks, when the sun is out but it's freezing so you have to wear all the layers but you're sweating and need sunglasses. EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE, YOU CAN'T WIN.

In conclusion, I hate winter and all winter things and need to figure out how to move to a tropical country sometime in the near future.

Dream big, people!

PS-Thanks for still reading Mr. Stutts!!! :D

Tiddlebits

I'm not sure if that is a word, but I just made it one and I LIKE IT.

So, I've been super horrible about updating this blog, but zero people have complained so I'm almost positive no one reads it. I'm fine with that. Imma keep posting anyway because I'll do what I want. I'm going to shower you in tiddlebits (those are short stories with a cuter name).

1. My (newish) Korean bf has been kind of sheltered in terms of music. I recently introduced him to Bob Marley (RIGHT?! has he been living under a rock?!) and he was ALL about some "No Woman, No Cry." A few days after listening to it on repeat, he turns to me in the car and asks, "Did you know Bob Marley is dead?" Um, yes, of course. Everyone knows that. He died before the two of us where even born! (1981...I looked it up). He was shocked I knew and also told me he was very sad about this news. He thinks Bob made good music and spread a good message. He's very upset he is no longer living. I mean, I am too, but I have come to terms with it since he's been dead MY ENTIRE LIFETIME. I was a little sad for him, but I still laughed in his face.

2. Halloween! Precious, as always. And a costume fail for me, as always. Every year I'm like, THIS IS THE YEAR I WILL RULE AT HALLOWEEN. I'm a pretty creative and crafty person so you'd think I'd be all over it but seriously every year my costume sucks. I'm not sure why, but I think because I don't really have any motivation to make an awesome one. Well, I don't have it until the DAY of and I feel like a failure because everyone else has a great costume. Also I always want to be something cool and creative, but I can never get my shit together in time and then it's the day of and I'm wearing the same Panda suit as last year. I didn't even go out for Halloween this year, so I only wore it for school. I also wore a blonde wig and had some crazy make-up, so I dubbed myself Lady Panda Gaga but none of the kids knew who Lady Gaga was. Fail. Especially since two of my co-workers were rocking homemade matching shark costumes. F them.

3. I got to eat some AMAZING Thanksgiving food last weekend at a friends church. OMG, it was so delicious. Homemade casseroles, pies, stuffing, mashed potatoes and TURKEY. All of the above are rarities in Korea, so it was a delightful treat. However, first I had to sit through the church service and it was THE WORST. Now is the not the time or place for my rant on how much I hate most all organized religion (yeah, I'm one of those people) but I felt like my ears were being assaulted. I just the love the hypocritical message that was sent. We love everyone! Except people that don't believe what I believe and also do stupid things like get a taro card reading (this pastor was super anti-fortune telling) or even worse, be gay. There was a special service for "People who practice sexual sin." Also, instead of being like, yay, Thanksgiving! Give thanks! Eat food! Togetherness, hooray...the pastor titled his sermon "Thanksgiving in jail" and literally had people in tears with his personal family sob story. THE. WORST. My new life goal is to never sit through a church service again. But, hooray food!

4.I have been stepping it up lately in terms of beauty care. There are beauty shops EVERYWHERE here and most things are pretty cheap. So, I wanted to join the party...plus I have been into makeup more and more these days. I don't know what I'm doing and I'm generally too impatient to do things properly, but I've been trying, The sad part? I look worse. Maybe it's a transitional phase but I currently have two huge zits (which is very unusual for me), my skin in overall gross and my HAIR. Ugh, my hair! It's terrible and I want to shave it all off. I won't, but I'm at my wits end with it. It's depressing. My stomach as also gone crazy lately and I can't really eat anything without a piece of my soul dying and coming out. Lame.

5. I just tried to order some grown-up (and much needed) undergarments from Victoria's Secret and now I'm outraged. I was going to ship them to my lovely mother, who was going to ship them to me because, like most companies, VS sucks and doesn't ship to Korea. Upon checkout, I discovered that shipping was going to be $12. Mmmm, what? I thought pretty much every store did spend $50, get free shipping. Nope! In fact, the more money you spend online at VS, the more your shipping is. Ummm, cool. Fuck you. Cancel order.

Ok, well that's enough for now. In other news, my life is pretty rocking right now. Other than the occasional hiccups, things are awesome. The weather is getting colder and as soon as it snows, that will come to a screeching halt, but I'm ok for now. Fingers crossed everything and everyone in the Philippines is ok, too!

Dream big, people!