what does it mean when your puppy has soft poop?

Bahahaha, the title is what my computer prompted when I typed in a "w." I don't even remember now what my real title was going to be, but whatever...that one is staying. Of all things to stay in its memory. I was concerned about Booger and her soft stool, apparently. But, no worries...everything was ok. Oh, and I went to visit Booger last Friday at the shelter. She had just gotten spayed, so she was looking a little out of it. Also, she peed on me. But that was because she was so excited to see me and missed me a lot. Anyways, she got put up for adoption this weekend so fingers crossed she went to a good, loving home. One that knows what it means when their puppy has soft poop.

Moving on. Oh man, shit is going DOWN at the pee farm these days! For real, things are getting serious up in this piece. First up, we have shady man. So this mom brings in her kid for a DNA test like, 6 months ago. The "alleged father" never shows. Kid retakes the test 3 months later...AF doesn't show. He FINALLY comes and the test comes back negative. Upset mom comes in...turns out, the REAL AF sent in a decoy! He sent someone else to take the test for him! How crazy is that?! Then, he comes back wanting test results! Uh, no sir! What a sleaze ball! Not sure what's going to happen with that, but people are seriously crazy. And I'm pretty positive that is not legal behavior, so who knows what is going to happen to him. So, for another crazy...woman comes because her work wants her to get tested. She has been acting all wonky (isn't that a great word?!) and they think she's on drugs. She comes in, offers the boss a BRIBE to make the test come out negative! So, obviously bitch is doing something illegal. She says she can give him more money than he can imagine! HAHAHA! For real? You have that much money? Then why do you have a job? Retire and go live in the Bahamas if you have access to that much money! Crazy ASS! So, obviously he does not accept the bribe and apparently the lady (she was a nurse) quits her job and then was demanding that we not send her former employer the results. That's not happening. But here is the best part...crazy bitch came back negative anyways! Bet she feels stupid. Oh, and she brought her mom in with her to try and execute the bribe. I love it. My mom would have slapped my ass to the floor SO fast if I did shit like that. Seriously. Like lightning.

Other exciting news. I sent in a cake wreck and here I am: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/11/fall-fumbles.html
Jacquelyn G....that's me! I found it when I was visiting Jean at the local Food Lion. I know, good stuff right. So I'm pretty much famous. You all can say you knew me back before I got all big and hotshot...which will be any day now.

Also, my All Star team was second in the tournament we played in, so that means we are going to the state championship! How about Saturday was miserable and FREEZING but we still pulled out the win (9-0, thank you!) and so off we go to Rock Hill. I mean, I don't really know what is going on since we have no schedule and I haven't figured out how we're all getting there or where we're staying and it's in two weeks....but whatever, we're going. My team is the only U17 that made it. And I have to say, it's all in the coaching. That is what my supervisor (who is super cute and I have a crush on his voice...and him..but mainly his voice) tells me. When you win, it's all in the coaching. When you lose, it's the players fault. Sigh. I wish I had game off the field and could score with the supervisor. OHHHHH...how you like those puns? I love them, thanks.

So soccer consumed my Saturday. And then Sunday I did nothing. Literally. Nothing. Driving to my moms for dinner was the most effort I exerted all day. Because then I got there and did nothing. It was a waste of day. In more ways than one.

Lastly, HOORAY for Christmas season! I mean, it's close enough. I don't officially get in the Christmas spirit until after Thanksgiving...it's only right, Thanksgiving deserves some attention too. BUT, it's almost here and that means Christmas music, yay! Christmas lights, YAY! Christmas presents, woo hoo! And best of all, PEPPERMINT ICE CREAM! Omg, my FAVE! It only comes out around Christmas and it is probably my number one favorite thing to eat. But it does also mean cold weather and that gets a big fat BOOOO. I know, always gotta be Debbie Downer. We'll focus on the positive...we're getting a Christmas tree next week! Hip, hip HOORAY!

Arrivederci Booger

I'm not alone

Another roller coaster of a weekend.

So, every now and again, I think to myself, self, wtf are you thinking? Because sometimes, I think I'm crazy. I think, I cannot possibly be normal 23 year old and there is no way anyone else is as ridiculous as me. But, then, sometimes, I find out I am, in fact, NOT the only person that thinks a certain way. There are lots of crazies out there! Don't get me wrong, I know I am still unique and valuable (thank you high school health teacher), and there is no one quite like me...but there are people that think similar thoughts as myself. Such as this person's thoughts on having kids, that I found on wwtdd.com:

"Why on earth do people have kids? By all outward appearances, they’re nothing but one endless terrifying drama after another, a constant drain on your wallet, your social life and your peace and quiet. Have a kid and your life just became 100 million times harder. You might as well have chopped off one of your feet. Are they cute? Not really, not to anyone but you, but if that’s all you want get a dog and then fold a pirate hat out of some newspaper. There. Ta-da."

That's what I'm screaming! Couldn't have said it better myself!

And then there's this thought....

…four unmistakable signs that you’re getting old(er)

1. doing absolutely nothing…and loving it
when you’re young, if you happen to spend a weekend night in the crib, you usually spend the whole time wondering and fantasizing to death about all of the marvelous and slutty things other people your age are doing at the time. by the time i turned 26, i’d mutter “i should have stayed my ass at home” at least once during at least 75 percent of my outings.

now, i make up excuses not to go out.

“naw man, i’m good. sportscenter highlights are always better when rece davis is the anchor, and he’s scheduled to appear on tonight's show. i can’t miss that sh*t”

Yessssss. I love it! I make up excuses too! Usually not involving sportscenter highlights, but something along those lines. Honestly, I just really like sleeping more than drinking. It's warmer, less expensive and less hazardous to my health. Also, I get to wear comfier clothes and don't have to ward off sketch balls hitting on me. It's fabulous. However, I did actually dress up and go out on the town this Saturday and had myself a very successful and fun evening. I won't go into details...a lady doesn't kiss and tell. Haha, that's a lie..I tell everything..but I am classy enough to not give it all away online. And I didn't pay for a drink all night! I did have to ward off some sketch balls though. You can't win em all.

And going back to me being crazy...I know I'm a little on the strange side..but all I have to do is sign onto facebook or hit up a club...or go to work and I remember there are people FAR crazier than I. First off, what is UP with people putting up "model" photo shoot albums. No one wants to see 40 pictures of just YOU. It's lame when they are "professionally" done (I mean, "professionally" can encompass a wide variety of levels), but it is especially lame when you have taken all the pictures yourself....with your phone. Some people need life coaches. And I am fully aware that I am obsessed with Booger and put up lots of videos and photos...but she is at least SUPER cute. A lot of these people taking model pictures are not cute. At all.

Speaking of Booger. I had to give her back today. :( :( :( :( :( Sooooo sad. Apparently you just foster them until they are big enough to stay in the kennel with the other dogs. So yeah, that was depressing. But kind of good I guess. I ran out of dog food today. Also, she peed in my bed last night and I've had just about enough of that nonsense. But, I am still super sad. This is worse than being dumped...Booger actually loved me back. I will be posting a tribute photo montage later. We can mourn together. Or you can roll your eyes at the excessiveness. Whatever floats your boat.

All Star soccer has officially taken over my life. I had to do something soccer related 5 days out of the week last week, and six this week. Complete ridiculousness. But, I think we are pretty good. So things should at least be exciting once the games start. Did I mention we are playing at the air force base? That means everyone has to be cleared to get on base. As in, I had to submit a list of names of people that are coming to the game so the military could run background checks on everyone coming. CRAZY.

And lastly, you know that commercial for AllState Insurance that has the family in court and they lose and they're all sad and the other guy is like, we'll get all their money! Yes? I looked for it on YouTube, but couldn't find it, so if you don't know, just watch TV until it comes on. Anyways, every time I see that commercial I get irritated because I realllly want to know the story behind it! I mean, what happened??!?! Was the kid drinking and driving? Is he underage? He's not cute, so I am not really all that interested in him, but I do want to know why the other man is so bitter and money hungry. Is he poor? Was a loved one killed by the ugly boy? Was his car totaled? What is going on AllState?!? I don't think I'll ever find out, with it not being real and all. So sad.

Ok, well be ready for the photo montage. I know I'm excited!

True Life

My life is ridiculous.

Right now Liz is making me watching True Life: I'm a compulsive shopper. It's killing me. These people are retarded and I don't feel sorry for them. Especially the retard that is trying to save money so she can get a boob job. Dumb ass. Moving on.

Look how much Booger loves me. And I love her back. However, she has been a crazy mutt lately and has got some serious biting issues. We're working on it. I'll keep you updated. In the meantime, let's look at happier times when Booger was being cute. There are more videos of this and I'll get around to posting them later. I know, I'm out of control with the videos. I can't stop myself. True Life: I'm addicted to my puppy.

Woo hoo! Go Chic-Fil-A. Sadly, we did not win the Championship (we lost in the tournament by ONE goal..I don't even want to discuss it, it should not have been scored), but we did get this awesome runner-up trophy. Not really sure what I'm going to do with this huge ass trophy, but I'll figure something out. Maybe take it by Chic-Fil-A and see if I can trade it in for some free fries or something. Right, so anyways, since my team finished second, I was made the head coach for the All-Stars team. I was under the impression I was going to just be helping out as an assistant coach..but no, I'm the head coach. This should be interesting. I hope they give me a coaches jersey so everyone knows I am the coach and not a player. Don't laugh. It's happened. True Life: I'm a 23 year old trapped in a 15 year olds body.

I saw Role Models this weekend...SO FUNNY. Go see it. But miss the previews. Normally I love the previews, but they had two for some really scary movies. And I hate scary movies, as well as scary previews. It was some freaky shit. True Life: Scary movie previews give me nightmares.

I think MTV needs to contact me about these True Life ideas. I really think I could provide them with some good material. I mean, they could either actually do a story on me and my super awesome life. Or, I could just give them ideas and they could pay me lots of money. Sounds good to me. Holla, MTV!

By the way, we moved on to True Life: I'm an alcoholic. Seriously? Who cares. Coaching youth soccer, puppies and drug testing is way more interesting. Please.

Hot Dog!

Hope everyone had a Happy Halloween!




I really am that obsessive mom. I take a million pictures and then show them to the world, even if they are not interested in seeing them. But whatever, I am going to keep doing it until the blogger police tell me to stop. Anyways, aren't we so cute? I was the phantom drug tester and Booger was obviously a hot dog. She was not a huge fan of it though...as you will see in the video...yay!



And now I'm just going to show more pictures. Because I am that mom and she is that cute. Also, I don't have much else to say other than I am SO ready to vote and get this election OVER with. I am so tired of all the political bullshit. Anyways, enjoy....
Aww, she loves pinky!
Scary face!

Such a booger

Bath time!

Hope you got a good dose of Booger. I'm sure there will be more to come. Get excited! Also, there are more pics and videos on facebook just in case you didn't get your fill.

And lastly, I saw "The Secret Life of Bees" last night and it was super good. The book, of course, is better, but I thought the movie did a good job. Stayed pretty true to the book, which I like. It made me sad for a lot of reasons but it inspired me a little too. I thought of this last night and thought it was so very poetic of me. Here goes:

Sometimes, when you're mending a broken heart, you have to rip out the stitches and start all over again.

Creative, right? It's like when you sew...get it? Like you're mending a dress or something. I know, I don't know where it comes from either. It just bursts out of me. I can't control it.

Song of the post: "Heartbreak World" by Matt Nathanson.

Soccer championships this week! Wish me luck!

Adios.