Hm, tear for the circle song(s). Both from Camp Cherokee where I went as a camper (and did a small stint as a counselor) and from Camp Greenville...where I was a counselor and we sang Joni Mitchell. Which was strange..but still good times. And they were two different songs, in case you were curious. Aw man, I miss camp. Pretty much my favorite times ever. Sigh.
So moving on, the circle song fits this blog because I feel like I have come full circle from when I first began. Because I have a crazy to talk about from the pee farm! Two actually! And that is why I (re)started the blog in the first place...to talk about the crazy/interesting people I encounter. But then they started tapering off, so I moved on to other random, ridiculous subjects. Also, I am back to looking for a job, which also had kind of tapered off but is not back in full force (still taking suggestions should my faithful readers have any).
Ok, so apparently the pee farm is going to get sued and we are all going to lose our jobs (as is everyone at DSS) by not one, but two people! I know! You ask, what on earth did you possibly do to screw up that bad that TWO people hate you and wish that you get fired. Well, obviously we are out to get them and deliberately messed up their test so they showed up positive INSTEAD of negative like they were supposed to because they...."never done did drugs in their WHOLE life." Hahaha, sound familiar? If you're a good reader, it will. If not, do some backtracking and get back to me. Also, these people have not only NEVER done the drugs but they HATE drugs. HATE EM! Would never touch or go near them and don't even hang out with people that do. So, how all that cocaine got into their system, I have no idea. But I guess I better figure out quick, or it'll cost me my job! Haha! Not really though, so don't get all anxious and concerned for me (as I know you were headed) because we don't even do the test here at the office, so if anything, those jerks at the laboratory are going down. In fact, as the crazy man put, "those people that do the test must be on crack cause I don't do no crack." So yeah, watch out lab tester, people are on to you. And while the man was amusing, the crazy woman was even better. She was fired up, let me tell you! And she was not pleased with me or Brad (my coworker) because we were "lying on her" and didn't want her to get her daughter back. I'm like, ok, first off lady, all I do is report the results...I don't test the hair or just arbitrarily decide whether or not people are positive...I just send the results that are sent to me. Secondly, I have no knowledge of why you're involved with DSS, so I didn't know, nor do I care whether or not you get your daughter back. And I hate to be rude, but the way this lady was acting, she didn't need to be any one's mama. And if she wasn't on drugs like she insisted, then she needed some other kind of help because she was acting some kind of crazy. Also, she peed all over the floor. Seriously. Who does that? And, my personal favorite...she accused Brad of lying to her and telling her that the hair test took 2 weeks to come back when it really only takes 2-3 days. And that doesn't make any damn sense because a.) Brad knows it only takes 2-3 days and wouldn't say it took 2 weeks b.) I'M the one that did her hair test, so I would have been talking to her about it and c.) what the hell difference would it make anyways? Two weeks later, she still would have been positive. Also, she called her case worker and was like, bitching her out and going on and on about how she was going to get her fired and all this and then at the end she's like..."God bless you. Have a blessed day. Bye." So funny.
All in all, people are crazy. It's funny. More to come later.
26 July 2008
19 July 2008
A lot of brown bread is just white bread colored brown
Um, so I'm a retard and don't know how to upload the actual video to this thing, so here is the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMBXJ9I3pJM
Please enjoy.
Also, I don't believe that is how that woman makes bread. Her coat is way to heinous for her to score a man like that baking bread for her.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PMBXJ9I3pJM
Please enjoy.
Also, I don't believe that is how that woman makes bread. Her coat is way to heinous for her to score a man like that baking bread for her.
16 July 2008
I hope you go to fart and accidentally shit your pants instead
Oh goodness, how crude and disgusting is my title?! But seriously, I think my audience (of 2...possibly 3) will appreciate it. At least I hope they do, otherwise I'll be down to zero readers...how sad would that be? But just to be on the safe side, here is a disclaimer: This blog is slightly gross. Read no further should you have a weak stomach or would rather not think about bodily functions at this time. Scroll down to the stars and you will be spared. Thank you.
So anyways, Sarah's blog (http://sarah-hot.blogspot.com/) got me thinking about farts. And how I've always thought they were the funniest thing ever. And I mean ever. Sometimes, other things make me laugh really hard...but farting does it every time. Think about it. It's always funny. It's universal...two people that don't even speak the same langauge can laugh about a fart. Nothing is funnier. I mean, other stuff is funny...like falling. But, what if someone (or you) fell and farted at the same time? Hysterical! It never fails! I mean, I realize I am gross for laughing and I kind of fail at being a girl for thinking it's funny and not disgusting (seriously, Katrina hates me for it), but I just can't help it. I've always thought I was missing a few girl genes anyways. Not important ones like boobs or anything, don't worry. Just minor things like thinking burps and farts are funny, actually liking video games, and not wanting to have babies. Small potatoes.
The title of the blog refers to sharting, though. That is an entirely different matter. Again, I'm disgusting, but for some reason, this subject has been coming up a lot lately. Sharting, for anyone that doesn't know, is just what my title says. When you think you are going to fart and a little more comes out instead. It's actually not all that funny. Well, it's not funny until you have distanced yourself from the actual event, have had time to come to terms with it, and are comfortable enough to tell the story to someone else. I haven't really come to terms with my story yet...so I'm not going to share. I will say it was horrible though. I cried a little. I am hoping it never happens again. I have been told other people's stories, however, and those were funny. So I have hope that one day mine will be amusing as well. Not today. And as far as me wishing it upon someone else (like the title says), I didn't really say that to anyone. Rather, someone said it to me. I know, awful right?! But he was just kidding, no worries. It was the only line an email and to this day, it cracks me up. I've gotten some pretty awesome emails in my day (including ones with poetry from the fabulous Sarah), but that one remains my favorite.
So, in summary, yay farting, boo sharting.
****************************************
Ok, so this is the not gross portion of the blog. Not too much to report here, sadly. Had a terribly lame last week and weekend. Seriously, you might think your weekend was lame, but mine consisted of reading, sitting outside (by myself..not even at the beach), doing laundry, more reading, more laundry, and sitting at the beach with my grandparents, mom and stepdad, and uncles. No one under 40. I am so awesome. But whatever, because the next two weekends are going to be awesome and will hopefully make up for what this past one lacked.
Oh, and last night I got called a "perfect little bitch" by my uncle. I know, so nice right? Granted, I was being kind of bitchy..but he was still a little out of line. Esp since I wasn't even a bitch to him, I was a bitch to his partner. Who, instead of talking to me about the problem, decided to go upstairs and pout. I mean, how old are you? Right. So anyways, I felt bad because I kind of put a damper on my grandparents FIFTY SECOND wedding anniversary (more about that later), but I apologized so I think all is well. At least my grandparents seemed ok and I don't really care about the other two, so whatever. My mom decided to yell at me as well, but again, whatever. She'll get over herself. Also, I know I can be a bitch..but I am far from perfect. Come on now, let's at least be realistic.
But yeah, my grandparents have been married FIFTY TWO freakin years! How insane is that? Hm, I feel kind of bad about lumping this information in with farting and sharting, but what can you do? Anyways, I can't even begin to imagine being married to someone for that long. It's complete madness. I can't even imagine being that old! Or being married at all! And they are still kickin too....both of them are healthy and alert and live on their own. It's pretty awesome. And this is awesome too...this week, they are going to Texas to visit my grandmother's college roommate! I think that is so cool. I really hope Mary and I will be visiting each other when we are super old and have been married for a long ass time. Well, maybe she will...when I'm 75 I'll either not be married at all..or will have only been married for like, 25 years, haha.
Ok, I think I've covered enough random topics for one blog. Oh! One more thing: http://icedcocofashion.blogspot.com/
Yet another fabulously funny website to make fun of celebreties and the stupid ways they spend their money. (Thanks Kami!) Enjoy! :)
Ciaoooooo!
So anyways, Sarah's blog (http://sarah-hot.blogspot.com/) got me thinking about farts. And how I've always thought they were the funniest thing ever. And I mean ever. Sometimes, other things make me laugh really hard...but farting does it every time. Think about it. It's always funny. It's universal...two people that don't even speak the same langauge can laugh about a fart. Nothing is funnier. I mean, other stuff is funny...like falling. But, what if someone (or you) fell and farted at the same time? Hysterical! It never fails! I mean, I realize I am gross for laughing and I kind of fail at being a girl for thinking it's funny and not disgusting (seriously, Katrina hates me for it), but I just can't help it. I've always thought I was missing a few girl genes anyways. Not important ones like boobs or anything, don't worry. Just minor things like thinking burps and farts are funny, actually liking video games, and not wanting to have babies. Small potatoes.
The title of the blog refers to sharting, though. That is an entirely different matter. Again, I'm disgusting, but for some reason, this subject has been coming up a lot lately. Sharting, for anyone that doesn't know, is just what my title says. When you think you are going to fart and a little more comes out instead. It's actually not all that funny. Well, it's not funny until you have distanced yourself from the actual event, have had time to come to terms with it, and are comfortable enough to tell the story to someone else. I haven't really come to terms with my story yet...so I'm not going to share. I will say it was horrible though. I cried a little. I am hoping it never happens again. I have been told other people's stories, however, and those were funny. So I have hope that one day mine will be amusing as well. Not today. And as far as me wishing it upon someone else (like the title says), I didn't really say that to anyone. Rather, someone said it to me. I know, awful right?! But he was just kidding, no worries. It was the only line an email and to this day, it cracks me up. I've gotten some pretty awesome emails in my day (including ones with poetry from the fabulous Sarah), but that one remains my favorite.
So, in summary, yay farting, boo sharting.
****************************************
Ok, so this is the not gross portion of the blog. Not too much to report here, sadly. Had a terribly lame last week and weekend. Seriously, you might think your weekend was lame, but mine consisted of reading, sitting outside (by myself..not even at the beach), doing laundry, more reading, more laundry, and sitting at the beach with my grandparents, mom and stepdad, and uncles. No one under 40. I am so awesome. But whatever, because the next two weekends are going to be awesome and will hopefully make up for what this past one lacked.
Oh, and last night I got called a "perfect little bitch" by my uncle. I know, so nice right? Granted, I was being kind of bitchy..but he was still a little out of line. Esp since I wasn't even a bitch to him, I was a bitch to his partner. Who, instead of talking to me about the problem, decided to go upstairs and pout. I mean, how old are you? Right. So anyways, I felt bad because I kind of put a damper on my grandparents FIFTY SECOND wedding anniversary (more about that later), but I apologized so I think all is well. At least my grandparents seemed ok and I don't really care about the other two, so whatever. My mom decided to yell at me as well, but again, whatever. She'll get over herself. Also, I know I can be a bitch..but I am far from perfect. Come on now, let's at least be realistic.
But yeah, my grandparents have been married FIFTY TWO freakin years! How insane is that? Hm, I feel kind of bad about lumping this information in with farting and sharting, but what can you do? Anyways, I can't even begin to imagine being married to someone for that long. It's complete madness. I can't even imagine being that old! Or being married at all! And they are still kickin too....both of them are healthy and alert and live on their own. It's pretty awesome. And this is awesome too...this week, they are going to Texas to visit my grandmother's college roommate! I think that is so cool. I really hope Mary and I will be visiting each other when we are super old and have been married for a long ass time. Well, maybe she will...when I'm 75 I'll either not be married at all..or will have only been married for like, 25 years, haha.
Ok, I think I've covered enough random topics for one blog. Oh! One more thing: http://icedcocofashion.blogspot.com/
Yet another fabulously funny website to make fun of celebreties and the stupid ways they spend their money. (Thanks Kami!) Enjoy! :)
Ciaoooooo!
02 July 2008
My Bucket List
So, guess what I just watched...."The Bucket List!" Gee, how did you ever guess? Yeah, so I'm sure I'm just like every other person that saw that movie and then was like, hmmmm...I wonder what my bucket list would be. Honestly, other than travel anywhere and everywhere...I couldn't come up with very much stuff. I think I am already on the right track though. I read one once that was in a magazine and was geared towards women, and I had already done most of the stuff...get a tattoo, cut all your hair off, go skydiving, live in another country...check check check. There was other stuff too, but some of it was pretty lame. I did come up with a pretty lengthy list of places I want to visit, but I decided a bucket list can't all be about going places. I need stuff to do as well. So I also added "have a one night stand" and "go on a cruise." Yeah, I'm feeling pretty shallow these days apparently because I really couldn't come up with anything else. I also want to do the Peace Corps as well, so I guess that balances things out a little. Hm, I also think I want to get my writing published one day. So maybe my list isn't so bad after all. Anyone else have anything cool they want to do? I always steal other people's good ideas though, so keep them to yourself if you don't want it added on to my list as well. I have no shame when it comes to bucket list theft. I've never really had any goals for myself or my life...no direction really so I'm not that surprised that I have so few bucket list items. The ones in the movie were ok..but not really things I would want to do. Maybe drive a race car instead of a mustang or whatever, but everything else (kiss the most beautiful girl in the world) would not make my list.
Um, so in other news...I am back to working at the pee farm solo these days. So far, it really hasn't been that bad. I still hate testing people, but we haven't had any crazies or any especially rude people so I haven't lost it yet. Hopefully Wednesday and Thursday will go smoothly and I'll be set after that. We have Friday off and hopefully we will hire someone to start next week and I will pass all the testing on to someone else. We have been interviewing, and so far everyone seems nice and capable. One guy was way overdosed in cologne though, so that is not going to to work because I seriously couldn't breathe while he was in here. I was kind of hoping to hire a hottie, just to make things interesting, but I don't think that is going to happen since only about 4 guys have replied and like, 30 girls have. And they are all mainly older people and we all know I don't do older. Well, maybe we all didn't know that, but we do now.
Softball is going well. There is one girl I would really like to hit in the face, but she rarely shows up for games, so it's all good. When she does I just stick her in the outfield. We had a game yesterday and only had 4 girls show up at first (eventually 3 more came), but it's aggravating because I mean, if you sign your kid up for something, you need to make sure they participate! It's not that hard people! Actually, I wouldn't know, it probably is really hard to have kids and make sure they are where they are supposed to be at the right time. But, that is why I'm not having kids...way to much hassle.
Hm, well other than that, nothing exciting going on. I am super pumped about 4th of July fireworks though! Something to look forward too! And, planning the 80s birthday bash as well...I need to get started on that....
Ciaooooo :)
Um, so in other news...I am back to working at the pee farm solo these days. So far, it really hasn't been that bad. I still hate testing people, but we haven't had any crazies or any especially rude people so I haven't lost it yet. Hopefully Wednesday and Thursday will go smoothly and I'll be set after that. We have Friday off and hopefully we will hire someone to start next week and I will pass all the testing on to someone else. We have been interviewing, and so far everyone seems nice and capable. One guy was way overdosed in cologne though, so that is not going to to work because I seriously couldn't breathe while he was in here. I was kind of hoping to hire a hottie, just to make things interesting, but I don't think that is going to happen since only about 4 guys have replied and like, 30 girls have. And they are all mainly older people and we all know I don't do older. Well, maybe we all didn't know that, but we do now.
Softball is going well. There is one girl I would really like to hit in the face, but she rarely shows up for games, so it's all good. When she does I just stick her in the outfield. We had a game yesterday and only had 4 girls show up at first (eventually 3 more came), but it's aggravating because I mean, if you sign your kid up for something, you need to make sure they participate! It's not that hard people! Actually, I wouldn't know, it probably is really hard to have kids and make sure they are where they are supposed to be at the right time. But, that is why I'm not having kids...way to much hassle.
Hm, well other than that, nothing exciting going on. I am super pumped about 4th of July fireworks though! Something to look forward too! And, planning the 80s birthday bash as well...I need to get started on that....
Ciaooooo :)
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