Why I Stand With Planned Parenthood

Time to get real, people. A departure from my usual stream of incessant babbling.

I have a million posts in my head I haven’t managed to put out yet, on a variety of subjects. Between my laziness and lack of a place to sit (see previous post), I get a lot of things started but never finish, or I feel like they aren’t ready to publish. Then, I remember how low the readership of this blog is, so the motivation to do anything is small. Also, sometimes the thought of some stellar thing I post gaining popularity both terrifies and exhilarates me. How awesome would it be for my brilliance to finally be recognized? But, how terrible would it be to be picked apart by millions of strangers? I’ve read the articles, I know how cruel people can be on things that go viral. For this reason, I usually don’t like to get into controversial issues because I don’t like arguing with people or, honestly, getting criticized. But, this issue is something I feel strongly about and I have finally focused and written down why.

I’ve had a hard time writing it. Trying to figure out how much to comment on recent events, what aspects of the story I should focus on, how much back story and fact checking I should do has been challenging. How do I tell my story without sounding condescending, overindulgent, whiny or worst of all, stupid? How much explanation do I need to give for my thoughts, feelings, opinions, and actions? Truthfully, none. I don’t owe anyone an explanation! It’s my life and my blog. But, I come from a conservative area, with lots of conservative friends that I don’t want to alienate or offend. And now, I live in an even more conservative country that is, in so ways, even more backward, and it’s scary to put yourself out there.

I also don’t like to get very political, mainly because I am woefully ignorant and uninterested in what is happening in Washington DC. I’m actually quite self-absorbed and have little interest in things that don’t involve me or my loved ones directly. This is probably a terrible way to live, but it keeps me from drowning in the world’s sorrows. I tend to get too involved in whatever is currently happening in my life; relationships, arguments, decisions, TV shows, whatever. It’s too stressful to put all that anxiety into the rest of the world’s problems as well.

But, I finally decided I have to tell MY story, with my thoughts and opinions and only briefly address the recent controversies surrounding PP. I have always had this need to constantly explain myself to people and talk as much as possible (people that have read this blog before are well aware). Now, living in a country where my language is a minority, it’s harder to find outlets to do that, so here I am on my blog letting it all out. I am using my blog because I think it's pretty un-helpful to change profile pictures, and I need WAY more than 140 characters to express myself. I also often feel the need to apologize for my opinions, but this is my blog and I want to tell my story and that is what I’m going to do, with all its uncomfortable, yet surprisingly uninteresting, details.

The short version:

Planned Parenthood was there when I needed it. And no, I didn’t have an abortion.

The long version:

Planned Parenthood impacted my life in a very real way, and I want people to understand that PP helps all kinds of people, in all kinds of situations, including people you probably know.

I graduated from college in 2007, and held three different full time jobs in the five years following. None of them offered me benefits, or any kind of health care plan.  The only doctor care (outside of “family planning”) I had from 2007 until I moved to Korea in 2012 was at a “doc in the box” when I got strep throat, and when I gave myself swimmer’s ear. I knew I had strep throat, but couldn’t get the medicine to cure it without a prescription, which requires a doctor and a five minute throat swab that changes color if you have strep. The visit cost over $100 and a day’s worth of pay, since I was an hourly worker. Regular health care didn’t really seem like an option for me during those five years.

Luckily, during those years, I went without any major medical emergencies or concerns. While living in South Carolina, I, for whatever reason, never thought about PP as place to go when I needed reproductive care. I had been taking “the pill” since high school, long before I ever needed it for actually “controlling birth,” if you know what I mean (I hadn’t had sex yet). I had a hormone imbalance and would only get my period once every couple of months. As convenient as it was not to have, it was also a little worrisome. A Virgin Mary situation was just as terrifying as actually being pregnant, so I got put on the pill to get myself regular. So, like many others, I was using the pill for health reasons and not because I was having tons of pre-marital sex. But guess what, even if I was, that’s my own damn business and no one has the right to tell me I can’t do that. (This is where interpretation of facts becomes a problem. Some people confuse the word “sin” with “illegal” and it causes controversy.) Eventually, many years later, I did start having sex responsibly, and the pill was a nice safety net for condoms, as well as continuing to be a healthy way to keep me regular.

Once I was kicked off my parent’s health care plan after graduation, I tried just not taking the pill for a few months. I had broken up with my boyfriend and since birth control with no insurance was absurdly expensive, I decided condoms were enough for the infrequent sexual encounters I was having. But, my periods became irregular again, so I had to look into other options. Obviously for health reasons, but also because the Virgin Mary theory wasn’t plausible anymore, and the absolute last thing I wanted in life was a baby. So, I started going to the public health clinic in Mount Pleasant and was able to get free birth control that way, because I didn’t make enough money to get real insurance. To do this, you have to answer a lot of questions and fill out a lot of paperwork proving you need it. The details are hazy, because it was a long time ago, but I remember it being a fairly easy process, though fairly time consuming and impersonal because the people that work there have A LOT of other responsibilities and patients demanding their attention. As someone with a car, no children to care for and a flexible work schedule, it was fairly easy for me to make these visits. I imagine this is not the case for all, if not most people going to the free health clinic.

At this point in my life, I did occasionally use the pill to its full potential. It was never on a regular basis (I had a dry spell that lasted a year), and it was always with condoms (remember, young people, the pill doesn’t prevent STIs!) But, I wanted to stay regular and at least keep that part of my body healthy. If I only wanted to not get pregnant, I would have just used condoms because they are a lot cheaper and you don’t have to remember to take them every day, or go back every month for a refill.

I was receiving Medicare (NOT Medicaid) in SC for “family planning” while I lived there. They are very specific about the wording and the amount of free things you can receive while on this sort of government assistance, so any other health issue not involving my reproductive parts were not covered and therefore went unchecked for a number of years. In 2009, I got jobs in Italy and Greece for the summer and didn’t have birth control, or a period (or any sex) for those 3 months. When I came home from that, I went back to the free health clinic for the few months I was home before I decided to move to Los Angeles.

When I moved to California, I had to figure out a new plan, because I obviously couldn’t keep using South Carolina’s family planning services on the other side of the country. I had gotten a full time job, again with no health benefits, but I still had that pesky hormone imbalance and wasn’t having regular periods. I also assumed (or maybe read somewhere) that going on and off the pill frequently wasn’t the smartest idea. Like a lot of people, I assumed Planned Parenthood was mainly for abortions and had never really thought of it as something I needed. I believe a friend suggested I use it for birth control, so I decided to give it a try. I went to the one on the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica, which is NOT a low-income area (I recently read a comment on fb that said this is where ALL PPs are located) and is in fact, one of the wealthiest areas in the country. So for people that only believe PP is for poor people making bad decisions, you’re very wrong. 

My first appointment, and every appointment after was a wonderful experience, as much as gynecologist visits can be. No one likes the cold duck lips, or telling total strangers their complete sordid history, but I never felt judged, uncomfortable or unsafe while I was there. My only complaint is that The Wendy Williams show was always on TV in the lounge, and she is crazy annoying. The staff there was always completely professional, helpful and nice. I got a pap smear, a check-up, birth control and a bag full of condoms, all for free. I actually tried to turn down the bag of condoms (my first year in LA was another year long dry spell), but they insisted. While the unused bag was a depressing reminder of my pathetic love life, they did come in handy for my luckier friends.

On my second visit to PP, my pap smear came back irregular, so I had to go back for a follow up. I was on the other side of the country, with no sort of family support within a thousand miles, hardly any savings and was understandably FREAKING THE FUCK OUT. Once again, the doctors, nurses and staff were incredibly nice and comforting. I distinctly remember feeling safe and cared for, and had all my questions answered and concerns addressed. To my relief, it turned out there was nothing wrong and was told irregularities commonly show up on pap smears and there wasn’t anything to be afraid of. Had things not been ok, I have no doubt PP would have helped me through the next steps, however scary and expensive they may have been. (When I moved to Korea, health care again became a regular part of my life, and nothing else has popped up, so I’m assuming the doctor was correct in telling me I’d be fine.) She did recommend an HPV vaccination, just to be safe and I got one, I believe, for a very nominal fee.

Planned Parenthood was the only form of health care I received during the rest of my time in LA (about 2 years total), and was the most thorough and engaging doctor’s visit I had for the first five years of my post college graduate life.  I thankfully did not have any other major health issues, strep throat or otherwise. I had huge bag full of condoms, free birth control and a clean bill of reproductive health. I really cannot say enough good things about my Planned Parenthood experience. For a lot of young women in my demographic, reproductive health is essential, if not the only health related issues they face. For me personally, not getting pregnant was a priority, but so was having a normal, healthy menstrual cycle. It’s different for every woman, and once again, it’s really not anyone’s damn business why they do or don’t need the pill, or any other method of birth control.

When I moved back to South Carolina, I wanted to go to the PP there, since it involved a lot less paperwork and hassle than the free health clinic. Unlike PP, the clinic required an appointment, paperwork, waiting and documentation. I remember going there early in the day because I was worried it would be crowded, like the one in LA usually was. (Side not: it’s not called Planned Parenthood in Charleston, but is listed on the PP website. It also doesn’t offer abortion services.) But, I walked in to an empty waiting room and was told that instead of transferring the records from California, I needed to see the doctor and have him or her write a prescription for pills because I was a new patient. I was also told everything would cost about $200, and as an unemployed person who had just moved across the country, this seemed like an exorbitant amount of money. Especially for something I had been receiving for FREE at the SAME company months before. Turns out, the PPs in the red state of SC don’t receive any government funding and is therefore rendered pretty damn useless to any one that actually needs it. Fortunately, I didn’t have children, I had the resources to find other options and I know if I had asked, my parents would have helped me get what I needed. Not everyone has these basic luxuries and it infuriates me their access to healthcare is limited because the conservatives running that state have decided it’s not important for underprivileged people to get healthcare for WHATEVER reason they want. If they want to have tons of sex with strangers, fine. If they are married and want to limit the amount of kids they’re having, fine. If they are single and want to make sure everything is covered if they decide to partake in some adult activities, FINE. Or maybe they are a god-fearing virgin that just wants to make sure all their private bits are functioning normally every year, FUCKING FINE.  There are probably a ton of reasons I have never even considered or heard of because I couldn’t possibly know about all the challenges and hardships people face every day. I would imagine that most politicians (and rich conservatives) don’t either.

I moved to Korea shortly after that, and have experienced the best and most convenient health care of my life in this country for the past four years (that is for another post), so I honestly don’t know what things are like now, with Obamacare. I know most people in my home state complain about it constantly, but I sincerely hope it has made things easier for people like me, and especially for people not as fortunate as myself.

So THAT, my friends, is why I support Planned Parenthood and will continue to do so. I cannot stress enough that this is my OWN personal experience. I am an inherently privileged person, in nearly all aspects of my life, including reproductive health. I have never been faced with major health obstacles, or decisions. My journey, while not always convenient or affordable, has been fairly smooth and straightforward. I’ve never experienced abuse, the consequences or effects of it, or the fear that comes with having limited or no options for my health. I really cannot imagine what it is like to be in such circumstances. Now, I still live in Korea, which has its own set of feminist issues, but at least has easy and affordable health care. Even without insurance, I recently saw a doctor, afterhours and got prescription medication for less than $50 and in under 30 minutes. I realize this healthcare plan is not necessarily a reality for the US, but I would like to think it can at least make some progress, especially for women’s health issues. Here, you can walk into a pharmacy and get birth control over the counter for about $5. Pregnancy and abortions are an entirely different and unfortunate story, but birth control is fairly easy.

My hope is, if you managed to read this whole thing, that, if you didn’t already know, Planned Parenthood does a lot of great things for people of every race, age and socioeconomic status that need it for a number of different reasons, all of which are personal and not for a politician (man OR woman) to decide. It does A LOT more than provide abortions to promiscuous women making bad decisions (as so often portrayed in the media.) In fact, abortions make up a very small percentage of the services they provide. Also, there is a law that prohibits using money from the federal government towards abortions and most abortions, even at PP, actually still cost quite a bit of money. Even if you do decide to go there for an abortion, they discuss all the options that come with a pregnancy: abortion, adoption and parenting. A woman can decide on any one of those and they will help her with all of them, with no judgement. I personally have never been faced with the choice of having an abortion. The stress and emotional turmoil that comes with making that decision shouldn’t be furthered by a lack of safe and affordable options. Furthermore, defunding PP is not going to stop abortions. Surely people realize that defunding will just mean cutting off the only source of healthcare for a lot of people that need it. PP also provides cancer screenings, family planning, safe sex education and basic reproductive health care for both men and women. People of all ages and genders go to PP to become educated, to get help and to stay healthy.

If anything, please stop and think about why you want Planned Parenthoods to be shut down. If you already agree with me, fantastic! You can use these ideas, or your even better ones, to help educate the haters. If it’s based solely on the idea that people believe abortions are murder, please educate yourself further on who PP services, how it provides help and hope to people that need it, and how it shutting down would affect a community less fortunate than the one you live in. It’s quite difficult to have a discussion with people that believe abortion is murder. I personally don’t believe that, science and the law agree with me, but I am not really here to convince people to change their religious beliefs. There really isn’t a middle ground when two people can’t agree on what is fact and what isn’t. In my personal experiences, it’s difficult to argue with someone that leans very far one way, on any scale, about any situation. People completely immersed in one set of beliefs have their own set of vocabulary and ideas they see as facts and if you don’t also believe their “facts,” it’s impossible to find common ground. The internet further complicates things, because people have access to studies, facts and figures supporting whatever they want to believe, because someone else also probably believes it and literally anyone can get on the web and claim whatever they want as “facts.” Information can be skewed, statistics can be stacked, studies can be fluffed, and nothing is real. Also, people can hide behind their keyboard and can say whatever incredibly cruel, unethical and untrue hurtful things they want. People believe what they want to believe, and I’ve found it’s rare to convince them otherwise, myself included. No one wants to be proved wrong. It means the entire time before, you were being an idiot and no one likes that feeling.

But, I also hope for all people to have access to the affordable, safe and convenient health care services that Planned Parenthood offers. I make a small (unemployment limits my spending) monthly contribution to PP, because I am in a more financially secure place in my life. I also have easy access to health care (for all my bits) and I no longer have to worry about how I’m going to keep my cycle healthy and regular. I do worry that when I eventually move back to America, PP will no longer be an option for me, or anyone else. If I can’t find a job right away, or something comes up before my insurance plan begins. Those worries are for another time, but I sincerely hope people realize how vital PP is to a lot of people, for so many reasons…none of which are any of your business.

Dream big people! 

New Favorite Things!

GUYS.

Has anyone been watching "The Late, Late Show with James Corden???" Am I super late to the party? I just recently discovered this show while I was at home. Once I got over my jetlag, when I was going to bed at 5:00 in the afternoon, I went back to my late night ways. I started watching Stephen Colberts new show and this comes on after. And as a side story, I love Colbert, but I personally don't watch late night TV for political awkwardness. I realize most people love this stuff and want to see politicians in uncomfortable situations, but if I wanted that, I would watch the debates.

ANYWAY! After muting most of Colbert, James came on and OH MY GOSH, he is SO hilarious! I had never even heard of him but I am so so pleased I have discovered him. I did some poking around on the internet and apparently he's already quite famous! Sometimes I forget that living in Korea is kind of like living in a little Western pop culture hole and I miss out on a lot of whatever is goin gon over at home. Sometimes this is a wonderful thing, and sometimes it makes me look super uncool. Anyway, I am really enjoying the Late Late so...he seems like such a genuine goober! Everyone who knows me knows I am a HUGE fan of goobers, so this show is right up my alley! I just wanted to share with everyone my new favorite clip, because sharing is caring and I figured the 3 people that read this could use a good laugh.



I needed a good laugh because I also just finished "The Girl on the Train" by Paula Hawkins and it was intense. Wow. Just before that I had read the second Cormoran Strike book, "The Silkworm," by Robert Galbraith/JK Rowling (why does she use a pseudonym when everyone knows it's her?) and holy crap, that was also quite intense with the murder and the mystery. I am usually not a mystery fan, but both of these books were good reads. I think I'm going to avoid mysteries for a bit, however. I remember now that I don't like reading them because 1. They usually involve depressing subject matter (murder) and 2. Once I get started, I HAVE to finish it. I'll stay up all night and make myself crazy trying to finish. Now that I read most of my books on a Kindle, I can't really skip ahead to the end as easily so I have get through it.

Anyway, I recommend all these things if you are looking for some entertainment. It's almost 10:00pm here and the jetlag is hitting hard, so I'll be signing off now.

Dream big people!

Now I'm a Music Critic

OH MY.

So many things have been happening in the past few weeks, I really don't even know where to start. I am currently working on writing out the whole saga that has been the last few months of my ridiculous life. I have been waiting on certain things to get resolved, and rather than put out information that may have to be retracted later, I just keep waiting for everything to resolve. This may or may not ever actually happen, but as of right now, I am just waiting on one last detail to fall into place and then I will release my summer memoir: "Summer, 2015: Shit Happens, Jacky Should Not Make Plans." Until then, I'll just talk about some insignificant things that have been on my mind lately.

I keep falling behind on posting things on here. I have so many posts in my mind, and things I want to say, but I've been rather unmotivated the last few weeks. It's ultimately all my own fault, but since I like placing blame, I'm going to say the lack of wifi and a place to sit in my apartment. (When I say apartment, I mean my one room hole of sadness I currently share with SY.) I really enjoy sitting at a desk and typing, and there is no room for a desk in my hole of sadness (HOS). In fact, there's not even room for a chair! We sit on the bed, the floor or the toilet and none of those places have the back support I require for blog writing. Apologies to anyone that has been patiently waiting for an update.

So, I am currently taking advantage of the chairs, and wifi, at a Caffebene (Korean coffee shop) near my place. I am also enjoying the FABULOUS fall weather and am, per usual, the only person sitting outside that isn't smoking and definitely the only person in the sun not wearing 17 layers of protective clothing. I am soaking up all the vitamin D while I can because Korean winter IS COMING and it is going to suck so bad. Korea is ready, as they have already turned off the AC ("aircon") in most public places, including the airport. Seriously, when the calendar says it's fall, regardless of what the weather is doing, the AC comes to a halt in most places in Korea. It's still pretty warm, so it's quite uncomfortable, but Koreans don't care. I actually think they like to make things as uncomfortable as possible. It's a point of national pride, suffering through uncomfortable circumstance; self-imposed or otherwise. I think that's why SY never takes medicine when he is sick. He likes to prove he can continue functioning, even though he's miserable and sneezing all over the place. I'm the opposite, I want all the drugs and I will use even the smallest ache as an excuse to lay in  bed all day.

And laying in bed all day has been a big part of my life the last few weeks. Honestly, I actually don't love doing that for too long. It makes me depressed to feel so unproductive and lazy. But it's a vicious cycle, because the longer I do it, the less motivated I am to do anything else. A sense of hopelessness sets in and leaving the HOS becomes more difficult. Some guilt also comes with it, because how lucky am I that this is even an option? So lucky. But, the worst part is, especially recently, is the regret that has come with my funk since most of my problems were caused by own stupidity. I am not usually one for regret. I am all about moving on, looking forward, leaving the past behind and all that jazz, but I have been increasingly discouraged by my poor decision making skills.  Some examples: 1. My clothes are not fitting. I'm gaining weight and I have to squeeze into my clothes and it SUCKS. Why is this happening? Because I rarely exercise and don't make healthy food choices. All my fault. I know, I know...be body positive, love the body you have and blah blah, but I don't have the money or really, even the shopping options here in Korea, for a new wardrobe so I'd really just love for my current wardrobe to fit.

Number two, and even more embarrassing: I had double ear infections in both my ears recently. It was horribly painful, and I don't remember the last time I was so miserable. How did I get these ear infections? By my own stupidity. I'll try to explain. It started in college. I had a very real and disturbing addiction to q-tips (previously discussed here). I don't know how it started, or what my fucking problem was, but I gave myself swimmers ear and it was the WORST. I learned my lesson for a short time, but like most addicts, I relapsed and was back on 2 or 3 tips a day. I don't know, I guess I just really hate ear wax. Anyway, I managed my addiction over the past few years, with no more major incidents. Q-tips and I learned to co-exist peacefully. Then I went to Japan, the country of my ancestors, and people that just get me because they go a step beyond tips and have actual ear scrapper thingys (I don't know the technical term). Knowing it was the worst idea ever, but unable to resist, I purchased a Hello Kitty ear scraper and quickly became even more addicted to my the little pink ear wax remover, with matching bell and charm attached (because, Japan, duh). My line of thought was kind of like, well, Japanese people live forever and are all skinny and healthy, so this can't possibly be that bad for you. Plus, they are literally my people, so I figured I was safe to do whatever they did. That all may be true, but they probably have more restraint with this tool than I do. Perhaps I only inherited a fourth of the will power they have (get it??), but I was going to town getting all that ear wax out of my ear canal. DO NOT DO THIS. Ear wax is there for a reason, it does good things for your body and there is a reason you are not supposed to stick ANYTHING in your ear, pink or otherwise! Not having a schedule, or fucking anything to keep me motivated and on task, I was spending even more time digging around in there on a daily basis. This caught up to me in a BAD way and I legitimately can't think of anything more painful in recent memory. Oh my god, it was the fucking worst. I was so miserable and the doctor here sucked all the fluid out of my ears with this little machine thing and I legit thought I was going to pass out. They are all better now, but the point of all this is that I caused ALL of this pain and misery on account of my OWN FOOLISH DECISIONS. Jacky! Get your shit together, my god.

Since I have returned to Korea, however, I am feeling a little more optimistic about life and have actually left the HOS every day since I got home. I am trying to make wiser, more informed life decisions and am hoping to get myself on the path of redemption. For starters, I threw away my ear scrapper thingy and put myself on a strict q-tip diet. One every few days, on the very outside of my ear will hopefully keep double ear infections at bay. I also went on nice little walks both days, and had a salad for lunch. The weight loss path is long, and daunting, but baby steps are the only way I ever accomplish anything in my life, so here we go.

In addition to getting my ear wax game together, I have also found some fantastic music lately. I sometimes forget how motivating and encouraging a really good playlist can be. If I ever sound whiny or pathetic to you, be like, Jacky, have you listened to some good music lately? Stop whining and put on some Van Morrison (he's my favorite). So to end this babbling mess of a post, I am going to share some of my recent musical discoveries with you, in hopes you can also find some encouragement in these awesome jams. Maybe you already know all these songs, but this is my blog and I love sharing new music with people. I'll stick to my top 5 at the moment. I'm about to go all music critic on yall. Get ready.

1. "Downtown" by Mackelmore. I cannot say enough good things about this song. I am full on obsessed. It is so catchy, well-written, and just epic. I don't even really like rap, but the old-school hip hop vibe in here is beyond fantastic. And the guy singing the chorus could not be more on point if he tried. The song is hilarious, the video is fantastic and it makes me want to go out and buy an $800 moped right NOW. It also makes me want to be in a parade real bad.


2. "Heartbeat" by Mat Kearney makes me want to get involved with a flash mob somewhere. Do people still do those? They should. To this wonderfully upbeat and happy place song. The video was filmed by the LA "River" which also makes me happy because living in LA was a good, good time of my life.


3. "I Feel You" by the Wonder Girls. KPOP, yall. You need to get into it if you haven't yet. Buzzfeed just did a few videos about it and while they were all completely ridiculous, it makes me happy to see Korean culture infiltrating America. Kpop has some GOOD jams, and this one is real catchy, and perfect for hairbrush lip syncing. Not actual singing because most of it is in Korean.


4. "We'll Meet Again" by Johnny Cash. I watched Stephen Colbert's new late night show while I was at home, which made me think about his last episode of "The Colbert Report," which made me look up the song that he sings at the end, which lead me to this Johnny Cash version of it. It's a fun song to sing along to, and seems especially fitting for me, as I left home again recently, for an indefinite amount of time. Vera Lynn was the original singer, and She and Him also does a really good cover.


5. "Fools Gold" by Fitz and the Tantrums. I was watching SNL reruns on VH1 and this commercial for Live at Daryll's House (which seems like an awesome jam session) kept coming on and after some intense online research, I figured out this band was singing one of the songs I really liked in it. It was actually a different song, "Moneygrabber," but I listened to some of their other stuff on YouTube and I like this song even more. Enjoy!


Ok, that's all for now! My battery is about to die out here on the Caffebene porch, so I'm going to pack it up and get some Korean bbq, yuuummmm. I'll try to be more consistent with posting, promise!

Dream big, people!

Mistakes

Today has been deceiving.

I started off on a good note-I was sure it was going to be a good day. Good things happened, I got out of bed at a reasonable time and yet here I am, crying at a coffee shop. Dammit.

Most mornings, it's a struggle to get out of bed, for a lot of reasons. For starters, I super love sleeping. It's the best and generally, the more, the better. I know full well this isn't actually true because if you stay in bed too long, it just makes you more tired. Life's a bitch like that. Anyway, unless I have an actual plan for the day (meeting up with someone, lunch with someone in SY's family, etc), I don't have an actual reason to get out of the bed, so it's hard to convince myself to do it. But, today, for some reason, I did it with a smile on my face.

While I didn't have anything to do, exactly, I had decided on a goal for the day, and that was to ride my bike to a little lake/park I saw on the map. There is a large river that runs all through the city I live in and I often ride my bike up and down it. You can only go up or down way or the other, so it gets kind of boring seeing the same scenery all the time. I have been discovering some mini river paths (streams?) that veer off the main path and last night I started down one that is pretty close to my apartment. It was crowded at dusk, so after looking at it on the map, I decided I'd try to make it to the end this morning. SY said there was a park and some tombs, and even though tombs are boring, I figured it was better than laying in bed all morning.

So, I got up and got moving. The path itself isn't concrete (like the bigger one), it's like this rubbery material that makes it good for walking, but a little squishy for riding. I'm thinking, whatever, I am now the bike master, I can do anything bike related. But like, holy shit, it was so difficult to pedal. I checked my tires but they weren't flat so I blamed it on the squishy path. I moved to the road, but that didn't help much and also, I feared for my life. The path next to the stream had also run out and I had to move to the sidewalk. After about 30 minutes, I gave up. I just chained my bike to a fence and figured I'd walk the rest of the way. I got to an intersection and there was a huge hill in front of me, a giant church on the right and stairs on the left. I took the stairs, thinking, this will most definitely lead to something awesome and beautiful tombs are waiting for me.

NOPE.

It was a fucking parking lot so I just gave up and turned around, cursing the damn map for making it look so easy. I couldn't walk by the stream anymore, so I never did find my stupid lake/tomb but there was some good that came out of it. When I rode back, I figured out the reason it was difficult to get there was because I was actually going up an incline the entire way. I flew on the way down! It was scary/awesome since I had to ride on the road again for a bit, but I got back on the path and it was smooth sailing and I was once again master of all things biking. I was quite proud of myself for making up it up the hill AND I found a shortcut back to my apartment. I also looked at the map again, and there doesn't seem to be a clear path to the lake thing since the path doesn't run along the river all the way to it. I don't know how to get there, but I'm going to make SY drive to it because I'm going to see those damn tombs!

Anyway, so I came home, took a shower and ate some lunch. Then I came down to the coffee house in the building and everything has gone to shit.

For starters, my coffee sucked. I was pumped because I found a nice table in the back with an outlet right next to it, but the coffee was a disappointment, even with caramel in it. Then I got an email from a former student telling me he was in a car accident and had been in the hospital since July! Noooo, such bad news! Then my fool self decided to check on the status of my student loans and FuckKLKAJFLKJDFLKJERUNG that was the worst idea ever, in the history of bad ideas. I have been paying on those bitches for EIGHT fucking years and have barely made a dent. So depressing. Sooooo depressing. Do people ever actually pay them off? Is this a real thing? How can is it possible that I still owe so much? Should I just ignore them and stay on the 60 year repayment plan? I don't understand anything! Why wasn't there a class in college that taught you how to repay them wisely and what all the words on the bill mean!?!?!

But what really sent me over the edge was looking  up information about possibly trying to get SY to America sometime in the next few years. IT IS SO HARD. I get it, people try to cheat the system sometimes and you can't just show up with anyone on your arm and expect to be handed a green card but WOW. I mean, it is really fucking complicated and expensive to get someone you love and want to spend your life with over to the US. And the fact that literally any two idiots in the US can just waltz into a courthouse in the US and get a marriage certificate is SUPER annoying. I don't want to detract from anyone else's happiness, but seriously? Trying to marry someone from another country is the least romantic thing ever. And unlike Korea, the US doesn't have one central registry for marriages, so people can, theoretically, go to each state and get married multiple times! And I didn't fact check this, but I feel like it's probably less expensive and less of headache to get married, get divorced and get married again for two moron Americans than it is for one sensible, decent American (me) to marry one goober-ish, yet lovable Korean (SY).

I understand it needs to be a process and there need to be rules so people aren't just coming in the country all willy-nilly, but wow. It's just silly how complicated it is. I guess you eventually...many, many hours and dollars later, get to marry your dream lover but I feel like there should be a prize of sorts for making it through the immigration shit storm. A free house? Tax break? Free ice cream for the rest of your life? A glitter celebration sticker? Anything! DAMN. IT. Being an adult sucks and I don't want to do it anymore.

Then I tried to re-do my pony tail and my hairband broke. Noooooooo. That really sent me over the edge.

Anyway. I don't like thinking about life and all the stupid things that it requires from me. I am not good at planning for the future (um, obviously?) but it seems like living your life planning for things that may or may not (read: probably won't) happen the way you want seems like a waste. So I'm just going to keep on going day by day and hope for the best. Is that stupid? Probably. But doing it any other way sucks all the happiness from my soul. I feel like I could keep going and discuss this subject further, but "Crazy Train" just started playing on my computer (thanks, shuffle!) and "I'm going off the rails on a crazy train" is trying to to tell me to shut up.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

So I'm gonna live and IN FACT, I am going to use my bike adventure today as a metaphor! It was really fucking difficult getting up there, but I fucking did it and the ride down was AWESOME.

Dream big people!! Ride that bike to the top!

Vacation within a Vacation

AKA vacationception!

****DISCLAIMER: My posts have gotten out of control. I'm so sorry. Being unemployed makes me incredibly verbose and I now fancy myself a novelist. I'm sitting in a coffee shop ("Cafe THEWELL") with coffee in a fancy glass listening to Dispatch, so I basically am. It also just started raining so the universe agrees. Think of this less as a blog post and more of a chapter in my autobiography.***

So, I guess I'm technically on vacation here in Korea...and have been on "vacation" since March? I don't really know. It hasn't felt like a "vacation" since I was in America, and now I'm back in Korea, not really doing vacation type things, but I also haven't been working soo.... I don't really know. My life is so strange right now, so I won't even bother trying to label it.

Point is, SY had an actual vacation, days that he was not required to show up at his job where he does work and is given money in return, so we headed down south to a very traditional area of Korea, Gyeongju, and another coastal city, Ulsan. Now, I knew we were going to do these places but I did not, however, know what activities SY had planned for us. And guess what! He didn't plan anything! Was I surprised? Yes and no. Should I have known better? Yes. Was I still angry? YES.

We have had this exact same problem before. I do take half (40/60?) the blame for not remembering last year's vacation fiasco and apparently learning nothing from said fiasco. That was my bad. But, SY seemed so confident when he told me we were down to Gyeongju so I assumed it had a purpose. Silly me. We also foolishly decided to drive instead of take the super fast, super cheap KTX train so we ran into traffic on the way down because all of Korea takes vacation at the same time, to the same place (down south). Three hours turned into five and of course I had to stop every hour for a bathroom/snack break. Luckily Korean rest areas are the best, most entertaining places ever, so that was a plus. Save when SY bought dried squid as a snack and opened it in the car. SO STINKY. He made up for by buying me yummy hodugwaja, red bean filled walnut balls (way more delicious than they sound). Also, I was wearing my awesome new shirt a friend gave me, so I was ready to ride.

That color combo tho

We get to Gyeongju and find the famous Bulguksa temple after a brief spat with the GPS. I did have the good sense to remember that seeing anything interesting in Korea requires a steep walk up a hill, sometimes with millions of stairs, so I was at least ready for that- lightweight clothing, comfortable walking shoes, hair pinned back, bottle of water, good attitude. Though I was prepared, I was still hot as shit. It was crazy muggy...like, Vietnam muggy. Plus, the temple at the top was a little disappointing.

I know I sound whiny, desensitized, disrespectful, whatever, but anyone that has gone temple/church sightseeing in any country knows that after you've seen one or two, you've kind of seen them all. Unless you are just REALLY dying to see "giant golden reclining Buddha atop mountain shaped like tiger," you generally stop taking trips to temples after three years. Or I guess if you're actually religious you keep going as well but we all know I'm not. So, yeah, I was a little upset when we trekked up there and it's the same old temple format he and I have seen together multiple times before. (He is not Buddhist, so I'm not disrespecting his personal beliefs). A google search told me it is one of Korea's seven national treasures AND a UNESCO World Heritage site (they're obsessed with those here), so not a total loss, I guess. However, I got a little grumpy back at the car, for two reason. 1. SY bought a bottle of frozen water, that was not melting fast enough for my liking and 2. There was no plan for the next step. There were some other heritage sights to see, but the next suggestion was a tomb, which are even more boring than temples because in Korea they are generally just mounds of dirt.  VERY IMPORTANT, historical and culturally important mounds of dirt, of course.

I was pretty unenthusiastic about that plan, especially after getting lost yet again, so we decided dinner was a better plan. Did we have a plan for that? NOPE. Did he know where/when/how to get there? NOPE! We were driving around and I jokingly suggested we got the whale museum of Ulsan, but I forgot the number one rule of dating an ESL speaker-NO SARCASM! He thought I was serious, and we drove over this huge ass bridge towards it before I realized what was happening and told him to turn around. He has no sarcasm radar and is also anti-snack, so things were getting a little tense in the car. Hanger is a very real and serious problem for me, but he doesn't like to have a snack if dinner is in the near (3-4 hour) future, so I had to fake a bathroom emergency in order to stop at a convenience store. Then I also had a to give a *small* lecture about the importance of snacking and how not letting me get  hungry is beneficial to us both.

Finally found dinner and the beach, where there was also a concert happening featuring old people doing all sorts of things including ZUMBA, so things definitely perked up. I didn't love the main course, but it was a traditional Korean restaurant that gave us tons of different sides (banchan) so I found some things I liked.

We also found a pretty decent hotel for the evening so things ended on a good night. You get lots of awesome things in Korean "love" motels, and this one was especially fantastic. Small mosquito problem, but we lived. I think the best part about Korean rooms is the free water you get. Usually you get bottles of water, but every now and then you luck out and get a cooler that dispenses cold AND hot water in the room! I've stayed in a lot of hotels and rarely do you get free water, let alone an unlimited supply! This room just had bottles, but it also had a kettle for your free instant tea and coffee. Also, as an added bonus, since most of the motels are mainly for lovers, you also get a lovely little love package that includes a variety of items you might need for a lovely time. I'll just show you and you can make your own conclusions about what exactly that entails.

The contents of the bag always vary, but this particular one had two toothbrushes, toothpaste, bubble bath (the room had two showers, no bathtub), razors, shaving cream, two condoms, a bath sponge, facial yogurt, fresh and happy wash for your lady bits and a "lady kit" with q-tips, cotton swab and a hair band. Again, make your own conclusions. And also understand that these love motels are usually the cheapest option, even if it means sacrificing your dignity to be under the scrutiny and judgement of anyone that sees you entering and exiting, with friends, boyfriend, or otherwise. While I always enjoy opening the bags to see what goodies they have, I most appreciate the fact that the bag is both reusable and waterproof.

The next day also had it's bumps. I was not told that a beach trip was going to happen so I didn't bring any sort of beachy things. I did know we were going to a coastal area, but I assumed SY would have said, we are going to the beach, but no assuming is the second rule of dating an ESL person, so that was my bad.

However, if you have ever traveled with me, you are probably aware that I am the crazy girl scout lady of vacations. I have every thing you will need or might possibly need in any number of unusual or unexpected circumstances. I am a walking pharmacy/tailor/convenience store/grandma and I am VERY PROUD OF THAT. There is nothing I love more than being helpful and when a friend and or random stranger is like, oh! My nail just broke and now my polish is chipped, I feel great pride when I am able to whip out a file AND portable nail polish packets (ooooh yessssss) and solve their problem RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Seriously. It's the best.

BUT this time, just this one time, I had decided to not be a crazy lady and try to pack reasonably, and not for every scenario imaginable. Stupid! Never doing that again! Over-packing is the way to go, all day, every day. I hate having to buy things I already own and bought for whatever case. For example, I have a swim suit, sunscreen, a towel and everything other thing you could possibly need for a beach trip. Was I told we were going to the beach? No. Did I bring any of those helpful things? No. Could I buy them in Ulsan? Yes. Did I? NEVER! Even if I wanted to buy a Korean swim suit, my fat behind couldn't fit in one.

We had another hangry incident because SY insisted we go straight to lunch and get nothing for breakfast, not even stop at one of the thousands of convenience stores we passed so I could get some coffee and a small snack. That was HIS bad because THIRTY minutes later, when we got to where we were going I was in a full blown hanger ball of rage. While in a hanger haze (or immediately after waking up), I've learned it's just best not to say anything, or I could (and have) sever friendly ties, possibly forever. So, I didn't ask any questions about where we were going or who we were meeting. I knew we were meeting a friend of his, but I assumed (IDIOT!) it was just the friend, and at a Holly's Coffee, since that is a name I kept hearing come up in their Korean conversations. I assumed (GOD I NEVER LEARN) I would grab food and coffee there.

HAHAHAHA-I am so dumb and SY is even dumber for allowing this to happen, but we drive directly to the beach and show up, where there are FOUR people and a two year old child waiting for us with a full picnic spread and we are literally empty handed, except for a travel size sunscreen I found in SY's car. Fantastic. Because there is nothing I love more than being hangry, hot, unprepared and meeting new people that I can't communicate with. Who doesn't? Oh, but Jacky, you say, you are at the beach, your favorite place in the world! Yes, my friend, but we are at Korean beach and that changes literally everything.

Korean beach is totally different than anything you have ever known and loved at the beach. For starters, this particular beach has rocks, not sand. Some Korean beaches have sand, but I think this one was man-made. Also, I've been to "pebble" beaches, and they aren't so bad, but these were large, burning hot rocks that really required a mat for sitting. Did we have a mat? Of course not. We get there, and they are setting up a tent. YES A TENT-ON THE BEACH. That is how Koreans beach and it's super annoying. Also, instead of packing ready to eat sandwiches or some sort of beach friendly snack, they are putting together a GRILL and bust out tons of raw meat and ramen that requires cooking with a FIRE before we can eat it. Am I livid at this point? Yes, I am. I am trying to at least look pleasant while the men (it was two other couples) get the tent put together, but I can't really chat with anyone, so I'm kind of just standing around. I try being nice to the kid, but she is not having any of it and finally her mom talks to me a little. She can speak decent English, so I'm relieved, but I'm still in a hangry haze so my brain isn't really working yet. She asks if I can swim, I say of course. And then decide not to talk anymore.

SY finally uses his brain and goes to buy some coffee and I can also finally use my brain as well. Things improve even more when the meat starts cooking and I am eating delicious Korean bbq, my favorite thing ever. Even though it felt like I was sitting in the deepest darkest depths of hell while I was eating it, it was still pretty delicious. I am not a fan of beach drinking (it's too damn hot!) but I did take some soju shots to be polite.

After that, my winning personality returned and I was able to speak like a normal person with my new friends, and I even got the child to smile at me. The lack of a swim suit turned out to be fine because I had forgotten that NO ONE in Korea swims in an actual swim suit. They swim in rash guards, swim jackets (like hoodies, not a life jacket), shorts and a t-shirt, or literally whatever the fuck they have on at the moment. Work polo, dresses, khakis, jeans, doesn't fucking matter. It can be transformed into swim wear. I, however, strongly dislike swimming in my clothes. Being in wet clothes is lame and why would I do that when there is actual clothing designed and created for specifically swimming. But, after sitting in a tent with a flaming grill, on a beach in the middle of July, I decided swimming in my clothes wouldn't be that bad. And it wasn't! The water was freeeeeezing but it cooled me down and sobered me up pretty quickly.

I was still a little annoyed about the clothes, but now mainly because I had only brought one other pair of shorts to wear, and we still had 3 days to get through, so I would be wearing them the rest of the time. I survived, obviously, but a heads up would have been nice. I now need to remember to ask a series of who/what/when/where questions before heading anywhere with SY. Assume nothing!

The rest of the weekend was nice. His friends had a very nice, new, large apartment close to the beach with a great view. They also had a TV you could talk to! "Turn up the volume, TV!" It's English was also decent, but it didn't respond to "find Running Man!" The little girl was so sassy, it was hilarious to watch her! And I got to have some girl talk with the other ladies, mainly about how dumb boys are, which is a universal topic. There a few other hiccups, but we made it home safely, and happily and now all you lovely people also go to re-live my adventure. Lucky you!

SY packed his suit! Thanks for the heads up, asshole! Just kidding, you look Amera-tastic!

View from the apartment

I have now been at this coffee shop for like, four hours, and this writer gig is getting old. I think I'll ride my bike and find some dinner. Still no plans or changes in my Korean mess, but I'll keep you posted!

Dream big, people!

Birthday Good Times!

Guys! I'm 30!

                                             

Bye twenties, it's been real! Now it's time to be a THIRTY SOMETHING. I can't believe it, but I'm pretty pumped. It got off to a good start, and I think good things are in my future. I've had a very 30 life so far, I think.

For daytime activities yesterday, I went to the "pool" down by the river here in town with my friend that has 2 super cute kids with his Korean wife. She was working, so I offered to help with a pool outing. I should have taken a picture, but I had a handful of baby so I never got around to it. The "pool" is more of a wading pool type situation that is open to the public in the summer. It has a weird shape to it and the water comes up to my knees and is probably filthy. But, whatever, I'm up for anything! Not getting any younger!

So we get everyone suited up, load up the stroller, grab some afternoon Starbucks like all good Koreans do, and walk on over to the pool. Because it's summer, it's packed and there are tons of little kids there, all wearing a swim outfit. I think they're called rash guards? Most of them had on swim caps as well, you know, to reduce drag while swimming. Also, my friend and I were the ONLY adults there wearing bathing suits and were the only adults in the water. So, it was a little awkward, but we just put on our foreigner blinders as one does when pretending to be normal in Korea. We got some stares from the Korean moms but come on...who's really the weird one? You're at a pool in the middle of summer NOT in a swim suit. I was nice and cool, that's all I'm saying. Anyway, I sat in a little corner with the 7 month old baby and had a fabulous time splashing around and yelling at Korean children that got too rowdy. I like babies, especially cute ones, but I am not well versed in proper pool care for them. I guess my friend isn't either because we made some rookie mistakes. We didn't put her in a swim diaper so the regular diaper she was in swelled to an absurd size and literally exploded, which made for one unhappy baby. Oops! Once we got her calmed down, it was time to go and the other one, a 2 year old, was NOT having it. He had a freaking meltdown! Did not want to leave the pool and was not going to without a fight. I got put on stroller duty and happily walked away with the diaper-less baby.

Anyway, I felt like it was a pretty fitting outing for a 30th birthday and I actually had a fantastic time. For dinner, I went to my favorite, Korean bbq and it was, as always SUPER DELICIOUS. God, it's seriously the best food in the whole world. I would eat it every day if I weren't afraid my arteries would explode. After, I found out they now have orange, peach and pomegranate flavored soju, which made for a fun evening but a pretty harsh morning. So then, I was SUPER 30 and slept pretty much all day long today. Those all day hangovers are real, and they are vicious.

Oh! And on Sunday I had a lovely little party that SY planned, since he has to work until 10:30 during the week. We had the fancy Korean bbq (do you see a pattern here?) and a yummy cheesecake with candles and everything. Fancy means it's expensive meat but actually in a cheesy traditional, sit on the floor restaurant where you get serious meat sweats but keep eating anyway because it's so freaking delicious. I got some really nice, sweet presents and had a great time! I'm really happy I got to be here, in Korea, with my SY.

Also, I had super awesome birthday nails! 

So that was my 30th birthday. Diaper explosions, meat sweats, and peach soju. So Korean...I really needed some noreabang (karoke room) but since it was a weeknight, we will have to save it for another time.

Also, I share my birthday with a lot of cool people. Actually, it's kind of absurd how many people have my special day. I don't want to mert any more. It's me, a high school friend, a college friend, a Spoleto friend (when I interned there), a camper I once had in a cabin, a friend I met in Korea, the late great Jackie O, Korean actor Jo In Sung and singer of the fantastic "Kiss Me Thru the Phone," Soulja Boy. It's an ecletic list. I'm in good company, though.

Anyway, my vacation within a vacation within a vacation starts tomorrow! Headed down to Gyeongju tomorrow. Hopefully it'll be nice weather cause it was a stormin here today.

Dream big, people!

Noodle Adventure and Korean TV

Things haven't really progressed in the visa department, so I decided SY and I (mainly me) needed a little excitement to shake things up. So, we went on a noodle adventure and good times were had by all.

A little backstory. There is a variety show in Korea called Running Man and it's freaking hilarious. I'll watch it even without the English subtitles, but you can watch it on YouTube or DramaFever with subtitles. I don't really know to describe it, since there really isn't an American equivalent, other than hilarious Korean tomfoolery. There is a cast of 7, 6 men and 1 woman (because that is how sexist Korea does things) and each week they do these completely ridiculous missions and compete in a race of sorts. Sometimes there are special guests, usually actors, singers, or other various Korean famous folk. Korean TV, in general, is quite ridiculous (that's for another post), but this show really is just too much. Each of the regular cast is famous in their own right and they are all just really funny and entertaining to watch together. They have to do these challenges each week, and where the production team gets these ideas, I have no idea. I'm not sure that one would like the show without having some sort of knowledge/appreciation for Korean culture, but you should definitely check it out!

When I returned to America in April, I went on a Korean TV binge. I started out with Korean dramas, but they tend to be depressing and slightly annoying. Plus they are hella long and you have to stay up all night and watch all 20 episodes, so it really messes up your sleep schedule. So I switched over to Running Man with English subtitles and never looked back. In this particular episode:

(take a gander if you have a spare hour five)

All the members and guests are paired up (except poor lonely HaHa...yes, his name is HaHa and he is a Korean reggae singer), and have to go on these missions to various restaurants to eat different kinds of jjajangmyeun, which is a Korean Chinese noodle dish. 

                                                      

Once again, I'm at a loss as to how to describe it. Wikipedia tells me it's a noodle dish topped with a thick black soybean paste, with pork and vegetables or sometimes seafood. I don't know, just travel to Korea and try it sometime. It's a popular dish, and though it looks disgusting, it's actually pretty tasty. A fun fact, April 14th is called "Black Day" in Korea, and if you're single, you're supposed to go eat this dish all by your lonesome self. Drown your single sorrows in that thick gooey sauce. The black sauce matches your pathetic dark lonely soul. 

Anyway, I'm watching the show and one of the dishes is a variation of this dish covered in what looks like a pie crust. And they are given a little wooden HAMMER to break it all up and then eat it! And I'm all, oh, I need to try this if I ever get myself back to Korea. I was surprised at myself because of all the things I love about Korea, it's cuisine really isn't one of them. Most Korean dishes are too spicy for my taste, or are made with gross things like squid and tofu. 

Well, what do you know, here I am back in Korea and I actually convinced SY to take me to the restaurant that serves this hammer time noodle dish! (Another side note, SY never wants to do anything fun or different, so this was HUGE!) So off we went on this rainy Saturday night. Korean blogs scared us into thinking there was going to be a huge wait, but it wasn't crowded at all and our food came super fast. 

Yoo Jae Suk and Kim Joon Hyun

Running Man was here! 

The dish was a lot spicier than other jjajang I've had before and surprise! There were also squid and octopus bits so that was a tasty "treasure" for SY (his words, not mine). 

So that was my super exciting Saturday night. I also learned that tomorrow's episode of Running Man will have soccer player Song Jong Guk as one of the guests and yet another FUN FACT-I met him! His daughter was in my class my first year teaching and he came to her birthday party, and Parent's Night. When he was there, the assistant teachers at my school were asking for his autograph and then laminating it in the office. I didn't realize how famous he was at the time, but I should have done the same! Dammit! Anyway, if I can figure out a way to get in touch with him while I'm here, I WILL because I have NO SHAME! I wanna be on Korean TV and and I want to meet the Running Men!! Jong Guk, holla at meeeeee! His and his daughter were also on a TV show for a bit, but I think they have left the cast. I'm sure she remembers me fondly and wants me to be on TV, as well as get a work visa. 

Ok, back to Korean TV. SY has been into this show called "Show Me the Money" and it's the WORST. It's a reality competition show for Korean rappers and guess who showed up the other day...Snoop Dogg! He was fine, but these wannabe rappers are just painful to watch. I don't really like rap, so maybe it's not as bad as I think, but these goobers are too much. They are all like, yo yo whats up I'm hood but what the hell, Korea there is NO HOOD in this country. I mean, posers to the max...but also still with weird Korean manners and such. Also, they currently keep saying "Ooooh, snap." WTF, I'm telling you Korean TV is SO weird. Sometimes I just watch it, even though I have zero idea what they're saying. It's that entertaining. 

DO YOU SEE YOURSELF, SIR? 

Earlier today I got sucked into watching a PLASTIC SURGERY MAKEOVER SHOW. I need a job SO bad, yall. This show was also painful, but I continued watching because I couldn't stop. Basically, there were two "fat" Korean woman on this show called "Let Me In." Yes, they were overweight but seriously, Korea, there is a TV show in America called "My 600lb Life" so you don't even know fat! Anyway, they showed the backstory of these two ladies and they are basically just sad sacks because they're sooo fat and can't lose any weight and their parents are so ashamed. (I am guessing all this since it was all in Korean). The REAL problem, and this was actually making me quite angry, is the fact that these women cannot buy any clothes in this country that FIT them. Yes, ok, they don't eat healthy and want to lose weight, but life is going to be pretty miserable if you can't even find clothes to wear! I felt so terrible for them! Being "bigger" in this country is hard enough but now you have to be incredibly uncomfortable as well. They were seriously stuffed in their clothes. And then it got worse! Apparently only one of these women is worthy of help, so they bring them both out on the stage and one gets a red light and the other gets a green light. Sorry other sad fat lady, you have to go back to your fat-hating family and keep living a sad fat life. The lucky lady not only gets help losing weight but bonus!! Plastic surgery! She got her part of her chin shaved down, as well as a new nose and some new eyes.

I'm pretty sure there was actually a show like this in America at some point, but I thought I remembered it as being people with like, severe disfigurements getting a chance at a normal life, and not just people that could stand to lose some weight. I don't know, TV is cray no matter where you are. I also watched a National Geographic show today called "Live Free or Die and those people are also insane and I'm sorry, but there is no way that show is for real. One guys name is Thorn. What? Are you kidding me! And one of the other guys has like, the most perfect curly hair I've ever seen. I was legit jealous. How does he get it that way?? He spent half the show in the ocean! There is no way his curls would be that perfect living in wild. He literally slept in a pile of sea garbage. Or maybe he uses the blood of the fish he gutted BY HAND as hair gel.

I think the point of all this is-I NEED A JOB. Please someone give me something to do during the day.

Dream big, people! 

Meanwhile...

Ok, so a quick update.

I've been avoiding it because I don't know 100% what is going on, and over here, you have to watch what you say. I have written out the whole long saga, but I'm hesitant to put it online because the slander laws are no joke. Also, just when I think everything is said and done, some other opportunity pops up and I realize this story may never end.

So, for people that want to have some sort of update: sorry, things are still not resolved. (For people that are out of the loop: Sorry. Basically I'm trying to get a work visa in Korea and am having some issues. Long story.) I got past immigration in the airport without any problems, and there were mixed reactions at the immigration office in Seoul. Met some nice people, dealt with a lot of attitude, but mainly got the runaround about what happened, what can happen, and what might happen in the future. Things didn't look good, but another offer presented itself so I'm giving it one last (maybe?) chance tomorrow. I really don't know what to expect because literally everything has been a surprise this trip, so you just never know. Actually, the last two months have been a total surprise so I'm just never going to plan anything ever again, because what's the point, life does whatever it wants. I am slowly learning to be a little more flexible and just go with the flow.

The first few days (and last couple of months, really) have been kind of a struggle. I don't really like to talk about it for a lot of reasons. For one thing, I live a privileged life. I am lucky, loved and taken care of by so many people and I really have no right to complain. I've traveled to tons of cool places, I have an amazing family that supported me 100% abroad and at home, and I am doing pretty damn well by anyone's standards. But, I was kind of in a funk after coming home from Korea. Reserve culture shock, boredom, weight gain, missing Korea, laziness, etc, etc made it really hard to accomplish anything. Don't get me wrong, most of the time, I was having a great time readjusting to American life, and visiting family and friends. However, I am someone that needs a schedule in order to get anything done. If I don't have anything to do, I will do absolutely nothing. I had all day, every day, to work out, apply for jobs, work on projects, blah blah. I did none of these things and had no motivation to do so. I love to sleep and I had tons of TV to catch up on, and the beach was calling my name almost every day. Plus Golden Girls is on like, all the time so it was a good excuse not to do anything.

I started to apply for jobs a few times, but it was too overwhelming to even try and figure out where to start. Even though I loved teaching in Korea, I knew I didn't want to do it in America. Actually, I couldn't even if I wanted to, since I don't have an education degree or, really, any other qualifications to be an actual teacher.  Even re-doing my resume seemed like an insurmountable challenge. I never actually did it, so maybe it was, we'll never know. People kept telling me, don't worry, just take a break, enjoy it! But it was kind of hard to actually give myself a break. Outward appearances may have seemed otherwise, with most of my days spent at the beach, or on the couch. While all of this was awesome, in my head, I was constantly freaking about what I was going to with my life and how I was going to find the motivation to actually do anything besides sleep and eat. So, when the chance to come back to Korea presented itself, I jumped at the possibility of having structure and productivity back in my life. Even though it's probably the most ridiculous and counterproductive decisions I've made in my life, I am just now starting to feel ok about having made it. Anyway, we'll see how long that keeps up, after tomorrow.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but it feels good to get it all out. I sometimes don't like to talk about all the issues because no one likes a complainer, right? Well, turns out, as long as I'm not complaining all day, every day, people are helpful and nice. Not only is it great to get it off my chest, but I have lovely friends that help me see the humor, think of new solutions and remind me that everything, as always, is going to be just fine.

Last week, after the first round of bad news, I spent the entire day in bed. I kind of needed at least a day to adjust and pull it together, but now I'm happy to be back in the world. I got SY's bike fixed, have already mastered the bus route near my house and stuffed myself with Korean bbq, so things are looking up.

So that's where we are now. Tomorrow will bring new changes and then maybe I'll get around to posting all the back story to this hot ass mess I've gotten myself into.

Until then, dream big, people!

It's 2015!

Oh haaayyy.

Yeah, it's been a while. I took a break for a minute. The haters got me down, but I have since brushed them off and here I am! Back to bask in my 15 followers blogger glory. Hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husband cause I'm bloggin everybody up in here. Also, you are so dumb!

That video is THE BEST. I digress.

SO MUCH has happened since my last post, in August of 2014. I am kind of sad at my lack of posting for 2014. What was I even doing? Oh yeah, traveling like a BOSS. Remember when I was all, I'm going to make 2014 the year of travel? Here is a direct quote from January 5, 2014 for your reference:

"I've also decided this year is going to be the year of travel. I know, you're thinking, Jacky, you traveled a lot last year, what on earth on you talking about? Yes, you're right, I did and it was awesome. However, this year I want to take advantage of ALL the holidays and go somewhere awesome for every one. I also want to plan ahead because last year I did everything last minute and that was stupid. Planning for Buddha's birthday NOW, who's in?!"


So there you go. And then I went and owned 2014 and went to five different countries. Sadly enough, I still did not make plans for Buddha's Birthday. I ended up going on a trip down to the southern part of Korea, which was not very fun. For a lot of reasons, but mainly because the food sucked, it was freezing and everyone we encountered was rude and not helpful. Also the train was a ridiculous mess, but we did stay a nice hotel for 2 of the nights. So not a total bust I guess? One of the nights was spent on the floor and with a deceptively nice grandma.

Anyway, yes, 2014 was a doozy, and now here it is halfway through 2015 and I have yet to make a post. I had to get my passport renewed (for $115!!!!), so it was sad with only one stamp in it, but things have really picked up since then! Maybe I'll do separate posts for all these places one day, but probably not. So here are some quick recaps:

After Taiwan in the summer, I went to Tokyo for the Korean Thanksgiving holiday of Chuseok. We had five days this year (in years past, we've only had 3 or 4), so it was a perfect little getaway. And I wen to TOKYO DISNEY SEA and it was SO awesome. Man, I love Disney so much. After doing some extensive research about Japan Disney, I realized there are a lot of people out there that like Disney a lot more than me, but I still think I'm a pretty big fan. I also love Japan. The food is fantastic, the people are so wonderfully weird and Tokyo is a really cool city. Also, they have Old Navy! With normal people sizes! After a year of Korea making me feel like a fat, unfashionable cow, it was a really nice to go shopping and actually be able to buy some decent clothes. Plus I got to see my good friend that lives there, and she is best tour guide!

For Christmas I went back to the Philippines, had a super amazing stay on a private island in Palawan and watched the craziest New Year's Eve fireworks I've ever seen. A coworker and I went to a private resort recommended to us by a different coworker, and it was probably the best vacation I've ever had. It was a little awkward, since she and I were the only non-couple on the island, but whatever. They had a little library there, and the "kids" section had a bunch of Roald Dahl books, which was a fun trip down memory lane. I LOVED those books when I was a kid. Oh yeah, and the weather was amazing and the scenery was beautiful. We also went to an underground river, which is apparently one of the new wonders of the world, in Puerto Princesa. For NYE we went back to Manila (which has the WORST aiport I've EVER been to), and enjoyed the party, even from our hotel room.

Instead of renewing my contract for 2015 in Korea, I opted to leave for good. I needed a break, and the job I was offered in Seoul wasn't exactly what I was looking for. I wanted to leave with a bang, so I went to Hong Kong for a week, and Vietnam for two. Hong Kong was expensive, and super foggy the whole time. I kind of liked traveling alone, because I stayed in a hostel and met some cool people that way. I met a Korean girl, who introduced me to her native Hong Kong friends, who bought us a delicious dinner and translated a tarot card reading for me. Meeting the locals is the BEST way to travel. They always know where the best food is! Sadly, all the attractions in Hong Kong are geared towards admiring the views, but I couldn't really see any of them through the fog. Maybe next time. I also went to Disneyland, and the super awesome light parade was being "renovated" that week, so that was another huge disappointment. But, overall, HK was a good time with lots of really great food.

Vietnam was a totally different experience. It also had fantastic food but that country is a hot ass mess. I loved it, but it definitely took some getting used to! I didn't do a great job of planning for either place (I was going crazy trying to pack and finish up the school year), so if I had done some more research, I feel like both places would have been a bit easier to navigate. I really should do a separate post for all these places one day. But if you must know right now, I started in Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), spent a weekend on the island of Phu Quoc, went up to Hue and Hoi An and flew out back to Korea out of Hanoi. There were a few hiccups, but most of it was fabulous. My short and sweet advice is: go on tours and don't choose the cheapest options, even if you are on a super budget. I met some amazing people, both locals and travelers and had some REALLY amazing food! I would love to go back one day, and spend even more time there. Vietnam was the longest time I spent in any one country on all my trips (2 weeks) but I still feel like I didn't get to experience it all.

So, after that adventure, I went back to Korea and spent a few short and sweet days with my friends and headed back home. I've been back for 3 months now, and it somehow seems like a really long and really short time at the same time. I've done a lot, but also feel like I haven't really accomplished anything. I went on some really fun trips, to Pittsburgh to see family, and Belize just for the hell of it, and a recent trip to North Carolina for a Fourth of July family fest. My boyfriend also came from Korea for his first trip to America and we had a great time! I also have a pretty awesome tan, and have watched ALL the TV. I had forgotten how much I loved Golden Girls, but thanks to Logo and Hallmark, I get a daily dose these days.

ANYWAY. This is so long and getting out of control. Here I am now, and I decided to go back to Korea after all. Because of a long, ridiculous story (for another post), I am having some trouble getting a work visa, so going back is kind of a gamble. It will be nice to see my boyfriend and friends so it won't be a total waste of a trip. But, if I don't get a work visa, it will definitely suck. A lot. We'll just have to see what happens. And now that I've started back with this fabulous blog, you will be able to follow me on my potentially disastrous journey. Stay tuned! I could be wallowing in self pity in just a few short days.

I'll try to post a few more things between now and then, to fill in some gaps, but until then...

DREAM BIG PEOPLE!