All God's Creatures Flush

That is what a 70 year old woman taking a drug test told me today. "All god's creatures flush." I'm sorry, but that is retarded. Only humans flush, seeing as no other creatures use toilets. You are an idiot. And yes, I realize the woman was 70 and I am an awful person for even saying that but whatever, she was extremely rude to me prior to taking the test. And I don't care who you are, that is a stupid thing to say.

Moving on, the topic of this post is not stupid 70 woman. It is about stupid BOYS. Seriously, they are so stupid. I don't know how many boys are reading this, if any, but you might want to stop. Actually, it would be in your best interest to read on. You might learn something.

This was inspired because of a conversation I had with a friend the other night. I have tons of conversations about how stupid boys are with lots of my (girl) friends...and sometimes my brother...but this particular conversation stood out because I realized that I, thankfully, was not the only person that had gone through some nonsense. I knew this already, but it was nice to be reminded. I forget sometimes.

So anyways, there are some things that boys do that are just so totally stupid and ridiculous and I just don't understand it. And they say girls are sooo difficult and confusing, but I just don't see it. I don't feel that I am difficult or confusing. I am pretty straightforward when it comes to dating. That hasn't really worked out well for me, so maybe I should become difficult and confusing. Whatever, this isn't about me. This is about boys. Here are my completely random thoughts....

1. Text messaging and facebook are NOT appropriate forms of communication when romance is (potentially) involved and/or when romance is ending. Texting and facebook are both beautiful, fabulous, convenient things. They are not, however, substitutions for actual communication. Doing things in person is ALWAYS the best way to go. Obviously, if you can't be with someone physically, a phone call is your next option. Then an email, then a facebook message, then a text message and last but not least, a wall post. Now, all of the above are good for day to day, casual conversation. A hey, how is your day going? Or, hey I miss you, thought you should know. Or maybe even a hey, I saw that TV show you always talk about last night and you're right, it's hysterical. Here is what it is NOT good for: Asking a person out on a date. Discussing the date and/or encounter you just had with that person. Having an entire conversation about something that would be better discussed over the phone. And last, but certainly not least, BREAKING SOMEONES HEART. It's embarrassing, disrespectful and straight up tacky. If a girl has shown you respect by putting some effort into a relationship, show some respect to her and man up and break up with her in person. If you're long distance, skype that shit or at least pick up the phone. UGH. It baffles me that 1. I have to even say that 2. Boys would EVER think that was ok and 3. That it, embarrassingly enough, has happened to me. So so tacky.

2. Once you've had a serious relationship (or relations) with someone, it is damn near impossible to be friends with them. I'm sorry, but why on earth do boys think this is even possible? I know why, because they are selfish and they want to break a girls heart, but not feel bad about it. And if they are "friends" then they think they haven't really done anything wrong and all is well. I mean, haven't you seen enough movies to know that girls are more emotional than boys and it's hard enough to pick yourself up after a break up, much less have to pretend you still like the heart breaker and are interested in hearing about their next girl. NO. It doesn't work that way! I don't really believe in "mutual" break ups (probably because they don't exist) because one of the people in the broken relationship didn't want it to break. One of the persons is all for fixing it and/or thought nothing was wrong in the first place. So to ask them to just go on like nothing happened and be friends with the breaker is ludicrous. ABSALUDICROUS.

3. When you say stuff "I love you" you had better be ready to deal with the responsibilities of those words. You don't say stuff like that to people and then write them off very soon afterwards. You need to think really hard about what you're saying, make sure you mean it, and then be ready to prove it.

4. Just because you think a girl looks pretty, doesn't mean she knows it. It's always nice to hear. Again, surely you have seen a romantic comedy or two. Take some notes. And if you don't like romantic movies, I know you have seen a sitcom. They deal with this kind of stuff all the time.

5. There are a MILLION fun, interesting things to do in [insert where you live]. Don't be lame and just go to dinner and a movie all the time. Boring is lame.

6. Just because you buy a girl a drink or dance with her does not mean she has to go home with you. You are not entitled to anything. Doesn't matter how hard she's grinding on you at the club.

There were other things I had in mind when I started this post...but I got distracted by the puppies (they have started pooping in the house. NOT COOL.) and forgot them. So maybe there will be a part two to this.

I think the biggest thing I hate about boys is how they are the crazy ones, but somehow, at the end of it all, they turn it around and make us look the crazy people. And by us, I mean my friend and I. I'm sure it has happened to lots of people but it's basically this:
Boy meets girl (or reunites with them, whatever)
Boy throws himself at girl. Girl resists. Boy tries harder. Girl gives in a little. Boy continues on his ridiculous path and says things like, "I think I am falling in love with you." Girl scoffs, surely not. Boy continues. Girl finally gives in and decides to try and have a somewhat meaningful relationship.
Boy retreats. Boy acts like girl is crazy for wanting to be in a relationship and claims he doesn't understand where she even got that idea from. Boy breaks girl's heart. Boy moves on to next girl.
Game over.
See the problem?

With that being said, I am perfectly happy being single right now. Thank you and goodnight.

Five Things

I just finished reading "Five Things I Can't Live Without." It was a chick lit book and it wasn't all that fabulous, but it wasn't all that bad either. As always, I figured out a way to link the character back to my life, which made me both sad and hopeful. But anyways, the main character quits her job and decides to become a free-lance writer that re-writes people's online dating profiles. I think that would be kind of interesting. I also think that it must be so hard for the people that contact her. I mean, it's bad enough you are using an online dating service (I know they are not that terrible, but I don't know, for me, it just kind of represents rock bottom. Which I am very close too, so I can't really talk), but to have to hire someone because their profile sucks...double whammy. I would think. Maybe not though, online dating seems to be the norm in some places. ANYWAYS-one of the questions on the profiles is what are five things you can't live without? (Am I supposed to end the previous sentence with a question mark or a period?) I wish I could give examples of ones in the book, but I already took it back to the library and I don't remember many except that one guy was super into plants and one girl's was like, satin sheets, scented candles, other random sexy things and her dog. She was kind of a slut. And satin sheets are terrible. So I decided I would come up with the five things I couldn't live without...hypothetically. I decided to not be literal and leave out things like food, water, air, money, good health, a house, etc. No bare necessity kind of things. Especially no ants or prickly pears.

So here they are...in no particular order:

1. Music. I love music. I relate songs to nearly everything in my life. I have soundtracks and playlists for different times of my life, places, people, events, moods, etc. I miss playing the viola and creating music, and wish I had the time and money to learn to play the drums, guitar, piano and cello. Music can move me to tears, make my heart burst with happiness and long for something unknown all at the same time. When I think about my (potentially nonexistant) wedding, all I really focus on are what songs will be played at the reception. That, and how I'm going to have fireworks. Everything else falls to the wayside. Music is paired with dancing and there are few things better than dancing. Concerts are one of the few. If a first date were to be a concert, I might consider giving it up one the first date. Right now I'm listening to the Brandenburg Concerto and it makes me smile remembering playing it in orchestra junior year and how I could really only hit about half the notes (I wasn't very good).

2. The beach. Nothing calms me down or fills me with peace like sitting on the beach. Anytime of the year, I can walk onto the beach, take a deep breath and my stress and worry is long forgotten. I love the smell, the sand, the sound of the water and just the basic beauty that comes with a beach scene. I love going during the day in the summer and basking in the sunlight. Just basking. Not drinking or playing frisbee or bocci or throwing a football. Just basking and enjoying myself. Sometimes reading and maybe a walk...but mainly basking. I love going at night and watching the waves in the moonlight. The beach at night can make me cry for no good reason at all. I love it all. I was born a beach girl and will always be a beach girl. Sorry mountains, but our relationship will always be on a short term basis.

3. My laptop. I know, so superficial right? But it really is my lifeline. It houses all my music and connects me to the world. I said goodbye to my desktop senior year and havne't looked back once. I use it pretty much every day and, after serious thought, have decided it would be one of the things I would grab if my house were to ever catch on fire. It has a lot of memories.

4. My family. I don't even have enough words for how important and fabulous my family is. We are quite a strange family, with lots of quirks and abnormalities, but it works and I am so lucky to have them.

5. Books. I LOVE reading. I wish it was my job to read all day every day...while listening to music on the beach. And then I could go home and write critiques about them on my laptop. Add in a family dinner every now and then and life would be so grand. I like books because they have the ability to keep me connected to and learn about the world, while also taking me somewhere far far away from the real world. I've talked many a time about how connected I get with books and characters. It is one of my goals to have a big, ridiculous library when I settle down somewhere. I've started a mini-one already and am really quite proud.

So there you have it. The people in the book didn't go into quite so much detail, but it's my blog and I'll do it all day. What are your five things?

Oh yeah, and I've fallen down on providing song recommendations. So today's are some of my fave classical pieces:
Brandenburg Concerti by Bach (No. 3)
Egmont Overture by Beethoven
The October Sky theme
The Piano Song from Legends of the Fall
Pachelbels Canon in D

Of Course

So I've been feeling a little uninspired lately. Which is weird because I'm pretty sure the rest of the country has just been bursting with inspiration lately. I don't know, I'm just not feeling it. I'm really not a very political person, nor do I really enjoying discussing deep things via blog. Basically, I was not really on board with the Obama fever that swept the nation this week. Oh man, I am going to get myself in SO much trouble for this, but I really think people are getting just a little bit out of control. GASP! I know, I clearly am going to straight to American hell. But hear me out. I think this is a VERY exciting time and I am super excited about the potential of Obama. And I think it's great that we have an African-American president. I do not, however, think Obama is going to save the entire world in four years. Nor is he going to salvage American culture (and we need some help). And you know what, I'm just going to stop there in fear of Obama fans hunting me down. But just so we're straight, Obama is great, I'm excited about his presidency. But, I think people need to realize he is not the answer to every one's problems. I guess I am just kind of nervous that people are going to be disappointed. And it makes me sad that his race is constantly being mentioned. And, I think articles like this: http://nymag.com/daily/fashion/2009/01/michelle_obama_under_fire_for.html are RIDICULOUS. People like that are why racism is never going away. Seriously, why are people so lame? Moving on, I don't feel like getting myself worked up. Also, Bella just pooped on the carpet so I need to take care of that.

Moving on...the carpet is clean. My blog is getting added to the Skirt! magazine list of blog setters. I'm kind of nervous. Mainly because most people write about important things while I mainly write about myself. It's not anything new though, as you can see in past posts. If you don't like it, stop reading. Anyways, we get a theme every month so hopefully that will inspire me to write amazingly profound and wise things. We also have to post 3-4 times a week (whoa!), so that might force me into writing about important things. We'll see. The point of my blog though is to make people laugh and think about random things. It's also a way for me to talk about whatever I want without actually having someone to listen to me.

I also think I've been kind of uninspired because there is so much negativity surrounding me these days. Nothing is being done with the arson investigation and that is SUPER frustrating. It's actually making me pretty angry. Also, one of my step brothers friends just hung himself and that just makes me so sad. One, because it is just depressing that someone is so far gone that they think killing themselves is the only thing left to do. And two, the conversations that the topic sparked just made me sad. And this weather is KILLING me. I cannot stand cold weather and it is just bringing me down. As much as I love those silly puppies, I am don't love cleaning up pee and poop constantly. And lastly, my stomach has been acting all kinds of crazy lately and it is beginning to get old.

So there you have it. I'm negative and grouchy these days. I'm hoping positivity is going to kick back in soon. I like being happy. I think those days are just around the corner, so prepare yourselves.

The Office is on! So that's a start to the trail that leads to Happyville.

And They Call It Bella Notte

New foster puppies!!! And they are so so SO cute....I'll prove it:


I told you so! I know, you can hardly stand it. Me either. And I thought you couldn't get any cuter than Booger. Turns out, TWO puppies means TWICE the cuteness. And they snore! Jeez, the cuteness never ends.

This is Bella...

And this is Notte...
How great are those names? So great. Let me explain for those that the greatness is lost on. First off, they go together and that works because there are two. Also, the names are Italian and anything Italian automatically equals greatness. Except Mussolini...and Burlesconi...and maybe the mafia...but pretty much everything else works. Anyways, Bella means beautiful, which fits her, you saw her! And Notte means night, which is also so fitting because she is black! And the kicker to it all, it's the song from Lady and the Tramp, which is one of my very favorite Disney movies. There you go. The names are great. Thank you.

These puppies are pretty different from Booger. She was a little more fiesty, Bella and Notte are pretty chill. And they don't bite as much..which is good. Booger was a biting machine and it was kind of annoying, especially when she was trying to eat my toes while I was getting ready for work. However, these puppies are a little on the whiny side and are BIG time pee-ers. Seriously, they pee ALL the time. When I take them out, they will pee two or three times in the span of ten minutes. And then I'll bring them inside and they'll pee on the carpet five minutes later. It's peeing insanity. I'm hoping they will grow out of that. Either way, I'm cool with it because then they give me puppy kisses and I can no longer be upset that I have to Febreze the carpet for the third time that day. Also, they have puppy nightmares, which is both cute and disturbing. I want to just love all over them and make sure they can sleep peacefully.

In other news, I am super tired all the time. It's getting ridiculous. It's a different tired these days though. Instead of being exhausted all day at work, I'm fine at work and then I get home and just want to get in bed. Maybe it's the cold? It was mildly SNOWING today. Horrible. It didn't stick and I don't really know if it actually counts as snowing since it was really pathetic, but still...that means it's super cold and I do not like that at all.

Oh yeah, remind me to talk about the new President in my next post. I have stuff to say about the whole ordeal, but now I'm tired and want to go to bed. At 10:00. I'll leave you with my inspiration....


Ciao ciao!

Heaven on Earth

So, after an extremely uneventful weekend, I was rifling through some old computer files. I do that sometimes when I am feeling bored or nostalgic. Or, when I should be doing something else on my computer. Like now, when I should be working on my TEFL course. Anyways, so I came across this old video from my study abroad days and thought I would share. Lucky yall because it hasn't been shared ever before. Mainly because no one ever wanted to see it.



So there you go. This was literally one of the very best days of my life. I was in Greece for Spring Break with five of my study abroad friends. We rented a car and were cruising around Santorini, enjoying the beautiful weather and being awesome. The radio was kind of struggling because it was mainly people babbling in Greek or strange Greek music. But, we were flipping through the stations and my very favorite song came on! What are the freaking chances people!??! I mean, seriously, it was complete craziness. And then, to make it even MORE crazy, Laura's (the girl filming) favorite song came on after that! Which was Good Vibrations...I think. I know it was some crazy dance song like that.

I can't really explain my attachment to this song. It doesn't make any sense, even to me. But when Belinda starts up, it seriously just make me so incredibly happy. I can't stop smiling, no matter what I'm doing. And driving around in Greece, listening to a Greek radio station really just made my life. In fact, just watching the video today made me ridiculously happy even though my life kind of sucks right now. So all is well. My camera unfortunately died before we could get to the arm pump part (which is the best part), so that was kind of sad. But I'm glad I at least got some of it on camera. I'm sure you are too.

I heard the song another time in a German bar while I was in Italy. It was St. Patrick's Day and I was with some of the people I volunteered with at the soup kitchen and none of them spoke English very well. So the song came on and I got super pumped, but they didn't really understand why and I couldn't really explain it. So I just kind of looked like a fool, but whatever. One of the guys could speak English ok though, and he understood that I was trying to say that my favorite song was playing. He did not, however, understand why that was my favorite song. Very few people do understand. Actually, I have yet to meet anyone that appreciates the song like I do. His favorite song was "I'll Be Watching You" by The Police. Don't ask how I remember that.

Um, so I found the real music video for you. And holy shit, it is so incredibly awesome. No idea why I had never seen it before, but it just made the song 100 million times better for me. Please enjoy... What is going on with those creepy globe holding kids?!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQahvFdQVu8

And then I found her singing it live and that is pretty awesome as well:

I am totally digging her outfit. As well as the back-up singers and the guitar playing that is rocking out hardcore.

There was also a video of Ashley Tisdale doing a remix, but I am not justifying that shit with a link. She needs to be punched in the face.

Right, so now that I've dedicated an entire post to ONE song, I think I'll call it a night. And the sad part is, I have more to say about it.

Potty Mouth

People, I am freaking tired. And whiny. And irritated. SO irritated. Someone fucking BROKE INTO the new office. Seriously. What. The. Fuck. Leave us alone already! We don't think the two (the fire AND the robbery) are related, but seriously, this is getting annoying. It was especially annoying because whoever the robber was busted out the glass in the door and the stupid glass people didn't come to replace it until the end of the day. So, it just stayed open all day and it was fucking freezing all day long. And it sucked a lot because I got dressed this morning, looked at my jacket, debated on whether or not to take, and decided no. Bad decision. Ugh, it sucked so bad. And instead of being slow like we thought it was going to be, there were NON STOP people. And they were pretty much all pre-employment collections from this one company. Which is fine, I mean, whatever. But seriously, HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN THEY CONCEIVABLY HIRE? I'm guessing not 80, which they have sent our way in the last two days. Oh yeah, the robber was pretty stupid as well. He (or she..but a woman would have been smarter) stole a cheap ass Wal-Mart computer, an old ass laptop and....here's some delicious irony for you, the not yet set up security system. Awesome, right? Yes. So anyways, the whole day was just super annoying with super annoying people. There is one woman that comes all the time and I just want to bitch slap her and tell her to shut the fuck up. But I can't. And this stupid ass lady came in right at 5, which is annoying by itself, but then she doesn't want to listen to anything I have to say. I hate people like that. Here was our conversation:
...
Stupid lady: [right at 5, when we are supposed to be closed] Do I need to write down my prescription medicines on this paper? [She is talking about the sign-in sheet...like we would have people write personal shit like that on the damn sign in sheet, for everyone to see. Stupid.]
Me: [after an extremely long ass day] No ma'am. We don't need any of that information.
Stupid lady: Are you sure? Because I take some medicine that might show up in the test.
Me: No ma'am. If there are any questions about your medications, a medical review officer at the lab will get in touch with you. We don't take any of that information here. We are actually not even supposed to know that kind of information because we are not doctors.
Stupid lady: Well, I take some amphetamines for....
Me: [cutting her off] No ma'am, we don't need to know.
Stupid lady: babbles on some more her medications that I don't need to know about
Me: walks off

DO YOU SEE WHAT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH? What part of WE DON'T NEED THAT INFORMATION did she not understand? But here's the best part, she goes back to Frank (don't EVEN get me started FRANK) and she is telling him about all her stupid medicines and is asking if he needs to know. What the HELL people. And the part that kills me the most is that every time I get mad about these horribly ridiculous, stupid, RUDE ASS people, my dad is just like, you need to chill out. NO I DON'T! I need a NEW JOB!

AAAAAGHGRRRFUCKSHITDAMNGGGRRRRRRRRRDDAAAAMMMMMNNNN.

Now, I know this post would lead you to believe that I am a very angry person. But I'm not. I'm just super tired and needed to vent. Thanks for listening. Here is something funny:

http://www.offuhuge.com/media/197962/justin_timberlake_snl_beyonce_single_ladies_video/

That shit is so funny.

Also, you know that commercial about Buzz trivia or something and he's like, turns out no one knows where a widow's peak is? Seriously? Who doesn't know that? Every time I see that, I'm like, damn! I wish I was there and I would have been the only one to know and everyone would be like, jacky, you are sooo smart! And I would be all like, oh, stop. But I would secretly love it because god knows I love being the center of attention.

Well Then

My New Years Eve was super super fun. It was so nice to be with my friends. We were complete fools at the club, like always. But it was fabulous, even though I'm pretty sure the deejay thought we were morons. He did, however, play a few seconds of my very favorite song and it made me extremely happy. Sadly, I was on my way to the bathroom at the time and had to have a mini-celebration by myself before I could get back to everyone to scream in happiness. Here we are, looking fly and fun:
My straw looks like it is poking me in the boob. Naughty straw!

And then I took a picture of me and Katrina's super hot shoes.
1. Because they were so damn hot and 2. because pictures of shoes seem to be all the rage on blogger these days. I wanted to join the party. I meant to do one of my sooty shoes at the fire, but forgot. I'll do it again if I ever remember. But my shoes are boring, so I might not.

Anyways, don't really know what is going to be happening in the next couple of weeks with the pee farm, but I'll keep you posted...hahaha! Pun intended. Especially if anything pops up about the person that started the fire. I want to know and cuss the fucker out. It really just burns me up. hahaha! I know, so punny.

Ok, for real. I'll stop. Song of the post: "Something Happened on the Way to Heaven" by Phil Collins.