Oh goodness, how crude and disgusting is my title?! But seriously, I think my audience (of 2...possibly 3) will appreciate it. At least I hope they do, otherwise I'll be down to zero readers...how sad would that be? But just to be on the safe side, here is a disclaimer: This blog is slightly gross. Read no further should you have a weak stomach or would rather not think about bodily functions at this time. Scroll down to the stars and you will be spared. Thank you.
So anyways, Sarah's blog (http://sarah-hot.blogspot.com/) got me thinking about farts. And how I've always thought they were the funniest thing ever. And I mean ever. Sometimes, other things make me laugh really hard...but farting does it every time. Think about it. It's always funny. It's universal...two people that don't even speak the same langauge can laugh about a fart. Nothing is funnier. I mean, other stuff is funny...like falling. But, what if someone (or you) fell and farted at the same time? Hysterical! It never fails! I mean, I realize I am gross for laughing and I kind of fail at being a girl for thinking it's funny and not disgusting (seriously, Katrina hates me for it), but I just can't help it. I've always thought I was missing a few girl genes anyways. Not important ones like boobs or anything, don't worry. Just minor things like thinking burps and farts are funny, actually liking video games, and not wanting to have babies. Small potatoes.
The title of the blog refers to sharting, though. That is an entirely different matter. Again, I'm disgusting, but for some reason, this subject has been coming up a lot lately. Sharting, for anyone that doesn't know, is just what my title says. When you think you are going to fart and a little more comes out instead. It's actually not all that funny. Well, it's not funny until you have distanced yourself from the actual event, have had time to come to terms with it, and are comfortable enough to tell the story to someone else. I haven't really come to terms with my story yet...so I'm not going to share. I will say it was horrible though. I cried a little. I am hoping it never happens again. I have been told other people's stories, however, and those were funny. So I have hope that one day mine will be amusing as well. Not today. And as far as me wishing it upon someone else (like the title says), I didn't really say that to anyone. Rather, someone said it to me. I know, awful right?! But he was just kidding, no worries. It was the only line an email and to this day, it cracks me up. I've gotten some pretty awesome emails in my day (including ones with poetry from the fabulous Sarah), but that one remains my favorite.
So, in summary, yay farting, boo sharting.
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Ok, so this is the not gross portion of the blog. Not too much to report here, sadly. Had a terribly lame last week and weekend. Seriously, you might think your weekend was lame, but mine consisted of reading, sitting outside (by myself..not even at the beach), doing laundry, more reading, more laundry, and sitting at the beach with my grandparents, mom and stepdad, and uncles. No one under 40. I am so awesome. But whatever, because the next two weekends are going to be awesome and will hopefully make up for what this past one lacked.
Oh, and last night I got called a "perfect little bitch" by my uncle. I know, so nice right? Granted, I was being kind of bitchy..but he was still a little out of line. Esp since I wasn't even a bitch to him, I was a bitch to his partner. Who, instead of talking to me about the problem, decided to go upstairs and pout. I mean, how old are you? Right. So anyways, I felt bad because I kind of put a damper on my grandparents FIFTY SECOND wedding anniversary (more about that later), but I apologized so I think all is well. At least my grandparents seemed ok and I don't really care about the other two, so whatever. My mom decided to yell at me as well, but again, whatever. She'll get over herself. Also, I know I can be a bitch..but I am far from perfect. Come on now, let's at least be realistic.
But yeah, my grandparents have been married FIFTY TWO freakin years! How insane is that? Hm, I feel kind of bad about lumping this information in with farting and sharting, but what can you do? Anyways, I can't even begin to imagine being married to someone for that long. It's complete madness. I can't even imagine being that old! Or being married at all! And they are still kickin too....both of them are healthy and alert and live on their own. It's pretty awesome. And this is awesome too...this week, they are going to Texas to visit my grandmother's college roommate! I think that is so cool. I really hope Mary and I will be visiting each other when we are super old and have been married for a long ass time. Well, maybe she will...when I'm 75 I'll either not be married at all..or will have only been married for like, 25 years, haha.
Ok, I think I've covered enough random topics for one blog. Oh! One more thing: http://icedcocofashion.blogspot.com/
Yet another fabulously funny website to make fun of celebreties and the stupid ways they spend their money. (Thanks Kami!) Enjoy! :)
Ciaoooooo!
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I actually sharted when I read your blog. It was tragic, but i started laughing and it just kinda happened.
ReplyDeleteNo but for real, we should swap stories. I've come to terms with the time I did it on the way to work...at Advance Auto Parts. Oh yes. And farts are funny. Maybe I'm missing that girl gene too, but i think that's why we're friends