All God's Creatures Flush

That is what a 70 year old woman taking a drug test told me today. "All god's creatures flush." I'm sorry, but that is retarded. Only humans flush, seeing as no other creatures use toilets. You are an idiot. And yes, I realize the woman was 70 and I am an awful person for even saying that but whatever, she was extremely rude to me prior to taking the test. And I don't care who you are, that is a stupid thing to say.

Moving on, the topic of this post is not stupid 70 woman. It is about stupid BOYS. Seriously, they are so stupid. I don't know how many boys are reading this, if any, but you might want to stop. Actually, it would be in your best interest to read on. You might learn something.

This was inspired because of a conversation I had with a friend the other night. I have tons of conversations about how stupid boys are with lots of my (girl) friends...and sometimes my brother...but this particular conversation stood out because I realized that I, thankfully, was not the only person that had gone through some nonsense. I knew this already, but it was nice to be reminded. I forget sometimes.

So anyways, there are some things that boys do that are just so totally stupid and ridiculous and I just don't understand it. And they say girls are sooo difficult and confusing, but I just don't see it. I don't feel that I am difficult or confusing. I am pretty straightforward when it comes to dating. That hasn't really worked out well for me, so maybe I should become difficult and confusing. Whatever, this isn't about me. This is about boys. Here are my completely random thoughts....

1. Text messaging and facebook are NOT appropriate forms of communication when romance is (potentially) involved and/or when romance is ending. Texting and facebook are both beautiful, fabulous, convenient things. They are not, however, substitutions for actual communication. Doing things in person is ALWAYS the best way to go. Obviously, if you can't be with someone physically, a phone call is your next option. Then an email, then a facebook message, then a text message and last but not least, a wall post. Now, all of the above are good for day to day, casual conversation. A hey, how is your day going? Or, hey I miss you, thought you should know. Or maybe even a hey, I saw that TV show you always talk about last night and you're right, it's hysterical. Here is what it is NOT good for: Asking a person out on a date. Discussing the date and/or encounter you just had with that person. Having an entire conversation about something that would be better discussed over the phone. And last, but certainly not least, BREAKING SOMEONES HEART. It's embarrassing, disrespectful and straight up tacky. If a girl has shown you respect by putting some effort into a relationship, show some respect to her and man up and break up with her in person. If you're long distance, skype that shit or at least pick up the phone. UGH. It baffles me that 1. I have to even say that 2. Boys would EVER think that was ok and 3. That it, embarrassingly enough, has happened to me. So so tacky.

2. Once you've had a serious relationship (or relations) with someone, it is damn near impossible to be friends with them. I'm sorry, but why on earth do boys think this is even possible? I know why, because they are selfish and they want to break a girls heart, but not feel bad about it. And if they are "friends" then they think they haven't really done anything wrong and all is well. I mean, haven't you seen enough movies to know that girls are more emotional than boys and it's hard enough to pick yourself up after a break up, much less have to pretend you still like the heart breaker and are interested in hearing about their next girl. NO. It doesn't work that way! I don't really believe in "mutual" break ups (probably because they don't exist) because one of the people in the broken relationship didn't want it to break. One of the persons is all for fixing it and/or thought nothing was wrong in the first place. So to ask them to just go on like nothing happened and be friends with the breaker is ludicrous. ABSALUDICROUS.

3. When you say stuff "I love you" you had better be ready to deal with the responsibilities of those words. You don't say stuff like that to people and then write them off very soon afterwards. You need to think really hard about what you're saying, make sure you mean it, and then be ready to prove it.

4. Just because you think a girl looks pretty, doesn't mean she knows it. It's always nice to hear. Again, surely you have seen a romantic comedy or two. Take some notes. And if you don't like romantic movies, I know you have seen a sitcom. They deal with this kind of stuff all the time.

5. There are a MILLION fun, interesting things to do in [insert where you live]. Don't be lame and just go to dinner and a movie all the time. Boring is lame.

6. Just because you buy a girl a drink or dance with her does not mean she has to go home with you. You are not entitled to anything. Doesn't matter how hard she's grinding on you at the club.

There were other things I had in mind when I started this post...but I got distracted by the puppies (they have started pooping in the house. NOT COOL.) and forgot them. So maybe there will be a part two to this.

I think the biggest thing I hate about boys is how they are the crazy ones, but somehow, at the end of it all, they turn it around and make us look the crazy people. And by us, I mean my friend and I. I'm sure it has happened to lots of people but it's basically this:
Boy meets girl (or reunites with them, whatever)
Boy throws himself at girl. Girl resists. Boy tries harder. Girl gives in a little. Boy continues on his ridiculous path and says things like, "I think I am falling in love with you." Girl scoffs, surely not. Boy continues. Girl finally gives in and decides to try and have a somewhat meaningful relationship.
Boy retreats. Boy acts like girl is crazy for wanting to be in a relationship and claims he doesn't understand where she even got that idea from. Boy breaks girl's heart. Boy moves on to next girl.
Game over.
See the problem?

With that being said, I am perfectly happy being single right now. Thank you and goodnight.