I Don't Even Know

I don't people, I really don't.

There are a lot of things I don't know right now. First off, why was my milk that said it expired TODAY already clumpy and disgusting when I poured it all over my Crispix I was so eager to eat? Whhhhyyyyy?? Why do I only see cute bus guy when I look like total poop and never when I look cute? Why does my boss talk in circles? Why don't we have a microwave? Why am I so terrible with boys? And most importantly, why have I been such an idiot lately? Seriously. I have been doing some dumb shit lately and in a HUGE way. Mainly at work, but in other ways too. It's very sad. Fingers majorly crossed that everything works out for the best. Could get expensive. I don't even want to think about it.  

So instead, I'll talk about American Idol. Like, what the hell is going on with this finale? For starters, why is it not live on the west coast? This is total bullshit! I really don't even care about the whole thing all that much, but I think it's really stupid that it's taped here, but only shown live on the east coast. Because now I'm watching the stupid thing and number one, I am so confused as to exactly is going on and who booked these bands and number two, I already know who won! The suspense is completely gone. I just don't understand the logic! It's a total sham and really an insult to my intelligence to present this "live" show and expect me to be excited about "finding out" who is the NEXT AMERICAN IDOL (in the Ryan Seacrest voice) when I already know! Total ridiculousness. And more importantly, seriously....what is going on with the special guests? Alice Cooper? Alanis Morissette? MICHAEL MCDONALD?? What year is this supposed to be? I understand that American Idol is supposed to be about "real" music and maybe they want to pay homage to the classics, but aren't these idols supposed to go on to become relevant in today's music world? Don't get me wrong, I am a HUGE Hall & Oates fan, but they are not really relevant in today's music world. I can't go for that, nooo-ooo, no can do. All I'm saying is, it was probably a lot of young ladies voting for Mr. Good Looking Lee and said young ladies are probably not that into Hall & Oates. But I could be wrong. I just wonder about the voting demographic vs. the demographic AI wishes it was reaching.

Furthermore, when is the last time Alanis put an album out? Jagged Little Pill is AMAZING. And very 7th grade. Way to bring the energy level down a few notches, Christina Aguilera. Geez. Oh god, and Dane Cook! It would have been better if he had been funny. And if it hadn't gotten super awkward right there at the end with all the weirdo people rushing the stage.

Lastly, I would just like to say that I feel like the two American Idol contestants have no personality. That show seems like it would be the most fun, most awesome thing EVER and these two goobers are just like, uhhh, ok. Especially the goober winner, who has a tough time smiling and also didn't know that the United States is the other country that borders Niagara Falls. True story. Saw it on Ellen. It was painful.

What??? Bret Michaels??? I thought you were on your death bed like, yesterday. I don't even believe his stroke story. Total publicity stunt. Oh, and that girl Sibawadda looks totally hilarious when she sings. And she does not look anything like Blakely! Oh hell yes, Janet Jackson! She is so pretty, I can't even stand it! Boo slow song but way to bring it back with NASTY. LOVE IT. No, my name ain't baby. I love her! I miss Michael :(

I think my favorite, though, is that the BIG, AWESOME, LAST singer is......Joe Cocker! Really? Really? I mean, that's cool because I totally love that song and am a big fan of The Wonder Years. But really? That is how you are going to end things. Well alright then. Ok, well Lee got a little more lively there at the end so maybe he's not as lame as I thought. I probably shouldn't judge.

And as big of a hater as I am, I was still sitting there, at the end of the show, crying, just like I did in high school when I watched Kelly Clarkson win the first season. One, I hate when things end..I used to cry at the last episode of The Real World. And two, I am so jealous. I have no talent and I want so badly for my dreams to come true in such a HUGE way, like they do on American Idol. With lots of cheering, tons of confetti, Ellen watching, lights flashing, and a really awesome U2 song playing. Only it would be Belinda Carlisle playing. Man, that would make me so happy.

Wait, here is the best part: UP NEXT, ON THE 10:00 NEWS:
American Idol! Who will replace Simon??
The Mayor of Los Angeles, at the American Idol finale! We also have questions about his Laker's tickets.
Your NEW American Idol, on the streets of downtown LA! How does he feel??
Bad hair dye jobs, how you can fix them.

Literally, those were the stories. I am NOT kidding. Those were really and truly the big stories for the night. I cannot believe that in L-freaking-A there are not more newsworthy stories going on right now. I just can't. Oooh, LA. You perplex me.

Anyways, those are my thoughts on life for right now. Today, post 1:00 pm sucked and I'm glad it's over. Hooray for tomorrow!

Dream big people!