I don't know if it was Who's Bad or what, but I have decided to take a step towards some change in my life.
I didn't really want to blog about this, but I decided to because apparently having a support system is important.
I started Jenny Craig Wednesday.
There. I said it. I'm embarrassed and I hate myself just a little bit but I hate being fat more. I don't really want to hear anyone say I'm not fat because I am. And it really doesn't matter what anyone else says because you're not me and I'm the most important person that ever lived.
Ok, fat is a little harsh but I am most definitely overweight. I'm not brave enough to say my weight just yet but let's just say my goal is lose 40 pounds.
40. Can you believe that? It's going to take forever and I fucking hate long term goals. But again, I'm really tired of being overweight. I feel disgusting pretty much all the time and am really just ready to not feel this way anymore.
I think it's going to be really really hard. Other than my awesome trip home, I have been in a terrible terrible mood for like, weeks and I don't know if this is going to help or hurt things. I get super frustrated really quickly so I can see myself giving up. But I also REALLY want this to work.
I'm telling you, blog reader friends, because they told me it's good to have support and since I only have about 2 supportive friends here in LA, I thought I should reach out. I don't really know what being "supportive" means in terms of blog readers and losing weight, but this blog is where I put the majority of my thoughts. So, really, it's probably going to turn more into a bitchfest about how hungry I am and how progress is not going as planned. So be prepared for that. But, if you want to say supportive things, that will be nice as well.
I am a little excited about the whole thing. However, it is, like most everything in life, more work that I was expecting/wanted. I honestly don't know what I was expecting but planning literally everything I eat is not that fun. Also not fun, trying to figure out what I can and can't eat, buying those things and resisting eating what I already have.
I'm sure things will get easier but it's currently day two and I'm hungry. I was all pumped because I was totally stuffed after breakfast but lunch has not left me feeling satisfied. This is not totally unusual, I'm pretty much hungry all the time so I'm just going to have to do a better job of eating what I'm supposed to as opposed to what I want.
Also, I'm kind of already feeling downtrodden. I was all about it a few days ago but now I already feel like it's hopeless and I should just be ok with who I am. But I won't give up just yet! At least this week...I've spent the money, I'm sticking to it. Also, I kind of got out of my funk a little today and working on being more positive.
Looking forward to a good weekend. A good, hungry weekend.
Dream big people!
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do you remember all the times in high school when me and you had a billion things to do and we were like, "no way this is possible?" but we sooo always made it possible? we were simultaneously painting signs while collecting pennies and dropping off donations and planning everything ALL at the time same? oh, and then there was class, too?
ReplyDeletethis is just one of those seemingly "mountainous" feats that you can totally handle, and when you've done it, you'll look back and think "oh yeah, i'm a total badass." because that's how you've always rolled, yo.
:]